Not sure how to approach this

notanewuser

burnoutbabe wrote: »

ask the mIL what happened, present it as "how embrassing, I can't remember what BIL got DD, can't find it in her present pile and are worried that someone else opened it by mistake, it got mixed up with other babys presents, so can't thank them for it"

She didn't have a pile. That's not at all feasible in our scenario, but thank you.

thunderbird

seeing as your husband wasn't there when she opened her presents and hadn't noticed, how about he does the innocent act and ask them which one they got her?
Then you should get either -
'oh, we haven't given it to her yet' and they go off to get it
or
'oh, we didn't get one this year, because...'

Sambucus_Nigra

thunderbird wrote: »

seeing as your husband wasn't there when she opened her presents and hadn't noticed, how about he does the innocent act and ask them which one they got her?

This seems the best approach at the moment

Poppy9

notanewuser wrote: »

But that's different to not buying for a 2 year old, isn't it? I write thank yous on her behalf at the moment (although she's very good at saying thank you herself too) so I don't think it's on that she be excluded so young. In later years, possibly.

A child so young won't notice and if you don't make a big thing about presents then your child will learn you don't always get given something when others do.

Personally I'm not big on thank you notes. A spoken thank you when i next see the person, a telephone call or a text is nicer IMO. When DD was young she used to say "thank you" to a neighbour who always bought her a small gift at Xmas/birthday by baking a little cake for them and everytime we made cakes she took one around, just for no reason but the fact that she liked to remember them and give them something.

I think this buying to receive and all having equal etc. takes away from what giving a gift should be.

Someone in work who is a miserable so and so most of the time gave me a gift that cost less than a quid this year. It was a joking gift tied into some Xmas joke we had in work and I was so touched he had thought of it when he came across it. It was the thought behind it that made the present.

notanewuser

Poppy9 wrote: »

A child so young won't notice and if you don't make a big thing about presents then your child will learn you don't always get given something when others do.

Personally I'm not big on thank you notes. A spoken thank you when i next see the person, a telephone call or a text is nicer IMO. When DD was young she used to say "thank you" to a neighbour who always bought her a small gift at Xmas/birthday by baking a little cake for them and everytime we made cakes she took one around, just for no reason but the fact that she liked to remember them and give them something.

I think this buying to receive and all having equal etc. takes away from what giving a gift should be.

Someone in work who is a miserable so and so most of the time gave me a gift that cost less than a quid this year. It was a joking gift tied into some Xmas joke we had in work and I was so touched he had thought of it when he came across it. It was the thought behind it that made the present.

I think you are not quite getting the point. They could get her a 10p teddy from the charity shop, I don't care. I cannot and will not consider that it's okay to buy for one and not the other for no reason.

thunderbird

are you absolutely sure that they have bought something for the other niece - were you there when it was given?

notanewuser

thunderbird wrote: »

are you absolutely sure that they have bought something for the other niece - were you there when it was given?

We weren't there, no, but I've been told.

Sambucus_Nigra

Poppy9 wrote: »

A child so young won't notice... It was the thought behind it that made the present.

A child so young might notice in future years that there was no present - hence no thought.

What happens in your work is nothing like an auntie/uncle only getting for select nieces.

esmerelda98

notanewuser wrote: »

I think you are not quite getting the point. They could get her a 10p teddy from the charity shop, I don't care. I cannot and will not consider that it's okay to buy for one and not the other for no reason.

No reason? Perhaps as they live closer to their other niece they interact more with her, they know her as an individual and enjoy her company. Perhaps they instinctively want to buy her things they see that they think she will love, but with your daughter present-giving is purely dutiful and they aren't the dutiful sort? I think it could be partly this, but more to do with them being a bit thoughtless, but also not being the sort of people who measure everything minutely to work out whether they are being treated 'fairly'. After all they do give her a birthday present, so they probably consider that they have met their obligations to consider your daughter. It isn't down to you to decide the frequency of present giving, and not everyone does the popular thing. Okay the gift wasn't great this year, perhaps they were disorganised or short of money, it will probably be better next year.

Frankly, whilst I would generally try to avoid causing offence, I consider it a lesser way to live to constantly be doing all this 'measuring'. Also, I refuse to constantly do things I don't want to do (especially give gifts) just because others feel entitled. It's unfortunate that you either have to religiously reciprocate gifts, or you have to cut them out altogether to satisfy people like you, rather than just buy presents when you feel like, when you can comfortably afford to, or when you just happened upon a particularly apt gift.

There is nothing to 'sort out'. If you are not happy, adjust your gift-giving accordingly. What they choose to do is not really your business.

nickyhutch

Could it be something to do with you not "doing" Santa? Maybe they've misunderstood your stance on this, or maybe they don't approve and are showing it by not buying for your DD. Not saying that's ok or right, just wondering.