Not sure how to approach this

notanewuser

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

He hadn't realised?

Wasn't he there during the present opening session?

What a very odd family

He wasn't there when DD opened her presents from his parents as he was working.

He doesn't tend to keep track of anything like this (and he'll defend his family to the hilt against me).

notanewuser

burnoutbabe wrote: »

ask for the stuff you loaned back, as "you are planning a 2nd one soon". May make you feel better.

I can't do that 2 weeks before their 2nd is due!!!

Sambucus_Nigra

notanewuser wrote: »

He wasn't there when DD opened her presents from his parents as he was working.

He doesn't tend to keep track of anything like this (and he'll defend his family to the hilt against me).

Um; you and his daughter IS his family.

Has he actually told them not to buy presents for his daughter?

notanewuser

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

sorry im confused...so far she has had nothing from brother you staying with or other 2 brothers as yet..that right?

my feelings are that you cant really say anything as its kind of rude to ask for gifts but on the other hand i would also be annoyed and not understand why they didnt.

on the issue of giving them stuff i would stop doing that as you clearly have negative feelings about doing it.

3 brothers. Meant to be seeing the other 2 today, but they are ill. DD hasn't had her presents from them yet, but know she has some as they said they were sorry that she wouldn't get them for a while.

It's the brother and his wife that we're staying with that has made no mention, who were with MIL when she was buying presents, who bought for DH's birthday and who didn't get DD anything last year either.

We already have a "no adult presents" rule.

notanewuser

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Um; you and his daughter IS his family.

Has he actually told them not to buy presents for his daughter?

You'd think.

No, he hasn't. Other 2 have bought, but not yet given due to illness.

zoominatorone

At the end of the day, what I realised with family members is that my child is not the be all and end all of their lives, only mine. There is no point what so ever getting offended/hurt on the child's behalf.

Is the child going home to a house with no toys/personal items what so ever? I bet they aren't. Therefore a gift off the relatives is not the be all or end all of the child's life.

notanewuser

zoominatorone wrote: »

At the end of the day, what I realised with family members is that my child is not the be all and end all of their lives, only mine. There is no point what so ever getting offended/hurt on the child's behalf.

Is the child going home to a house with no toys/personal items what so ever? I bet they aren't. Therefore a gift off the relatives is not the be all or end all of the child's life.

I never said it was.

burnoutbabe

notanewuser wrote: »

I can't do that 2 weeks before their 2nd is due!!!

yes you can. Well you could at least bring it up, they are the ones who have assumed they can use it for the 2nd without asking. They can at least ask you if thats okay, when you mention returning it.

LannieDuck

I would be surprised by this too. I would definitely get it sorted this year - your DD is young enough not to notice at the moment, but I think it could be quite hurtful in future years.

I agree with letting your OH have a quiet word with his brother. It doesn't have to be confrontational, he could do it more as a clarification - would they prefer you don't do gifts at xmas? At least then you'll know where you stand.

burnoutbabe

ask the mIL what happened, present it as "how embrassing, I can't remember what BIL got DD, can't find it in her present pile and are worried that someone else opened it by mistake, it got mixed up with other babys presents, so can't thank them for it"