Not sure how to approach this

missmucksmum

I have 2 children we went 2 brother inlaws for xmas day all other family members joined us at some point and each time someone came in there was present swapping 8 children altogether as the last niece and her partner came with their 5 month old and all presents were given to them just token gifts from other family-a rattle, a soft book, small teddy etc we gave them a lovely pair of pjs for him, they then proceeded to hand all the children their presents and nothing for mine, we werent expecting anything as this was their first xmas with a child but for all the other kids to receive a present and mine to just sit there really upset me and nothing was said my children noticed and didnt say anything obviously but it did hurt them they are 10 and 6 x I will still buy for baby next year and there is another great nephew on the way too but the children love receiving these presents, maybe just cut down how much you spend and look for bargains on the grabbit forum eg I spent £20 on the 6 presents but and they should of cost £110 x

Scrapaholic

I think we succeed in making gifts for our children and grandchildren of equal value . We'd never not buy for one and not the other . I can understand OP's upset at her child being left out . I also think children shouldn't expect gifts but Christmas is a time for children and being children , they like gifts ! You've also been very helpful to them by lending your baby stuff and no doubt you're hurt that they haven't even thought to buy a gift for your child . Think they've taken your thoughtfullness for granted . Hope you can get things sorted soon .

CH27

nickyhutch wrote: »

Could it be something to do with you not "doing" Santa? Maybe they've misunderstood your stance on this, or maybe they don't approve and are showing it by not buying for your DD. Not saying that's ok or right, just wondering.

Good point.

notanewuser

nickyhutch wrote: »

Could it be something to do with you not "doing" Santa? Maybe they've misunderstood your stance on this, or maybe they don't approve and are showing it by not buying for your DD. Not saying that's ok or right, just wondering.

I doubt it. It's never come up (don't spend enough time with them for it to be an issue).

notanewuser

esmerelda98 wrote: »

No reason? Perhaps as they live closer to their other niece they interact more with her, they know her as an individual and enjoy her company. Perhaps they instinctively want to buy her things they see that they think she will love, but with your daughter present-giving is purely dutiful and they aren't the dutiful sort? I think it could be partly this, but more to do with them being a bit thoughtless, but also not being the sort of people who measure everything minutely to work out whether they are being treated 'fairly'. After all they do give her a birthday present, so they probably consider that they have met their obligations to consider your daughter. It isn't down to you to decide the frequency of present giving, and not everyone does the popular thing. Okay the gift wasn't great this year, perhaps they were disorganised or short of money, it will probably be better next year.

Frankly, whilst I would generally try to avoid causing offence, I consider it a lesser way to live to constantly be doing all this 'measuring'. Also, I refuse to constantly do things I don't want to do (especially give gifts) just because others feel entitled. It's unfortunate that you either have to religiously reciprocate gifts, or you have to cut them out altogether to satisfy people like you, rather than just buy presents when you feel like, when you can comfortably afford to, or when you just happened upon a particularly apt gift.

There is nothing to 'sort out'. If you are not happy, adjust your gift-giving accordingly. What they choose to do is not really your business.

No, they don't see the other niece much more. The grandparents do, but not the brothers or their wives.

thunderbird

notanewuser wrote: »

We weren't there, no, but I've been told.

By who and in what circumstances? Just wondering if a bit of chinese whispers has occurred and they haven't actually bought presents for anyone.

notanewuser

thunderbird wrote: »

By who and in what circumstances? Just wondering if a bit of chinese whispers has occurred and they haven't actually bought presents for anyone.

Grandparents told me that they'd bought niece 2 "a lovely ..........".

OrkneyStar

notanewuser wrote: »

I doubt it. It's never come up (don't spend enough time with them for it to be an issue).

perhaps one of them comes on here and realises who you are :eek::eek::eek: x

victory

notanewuser wrote: »

I think you are not quite getting the point. They could get her a 10p teddy from the charity shop, I don't care. I cannot and will not consider that it's okay to buy for one and not the other for no reason.

I think you are not getting the point. Not one family, friends, neighbours, acquaintances has to buy a Xmas gift for anyone , for whatever reason. If they choose not to for financial, non Xmas believer, don't want to, can't be bothered, they can buy whatever whenever for whoever and not for one single second have to justify it , for your OH to have a quiet word, for questions to be asked, no absolutely not, what they choose to do with their Xmas money gift buying is their choice, not for anyone to second guess and ask questions about

How rude to even question it

nickyhutch

notanewuser wrote: »

Grandparents told me that they'd bought niece 2 "a lovely ..........".

I'd have taken that as an opportunity to say "really? they didn't get DD anything... how strange... I wonder why".