Not sure how to approach this

VikkiiKawaii

Honestly, I would ask for the things back. They haven't ASKED if they can use it for a second child, and they earn plenty to buy their own things. I wouldn't DREAM of keeping all someone's baby things unless I'd been told it was ok. I can see that it would be a bit mean if she literally had days left until her due date but she still has plenty of time to buy replacements, and you're right there is NO WAY baby things will last for a third child to use which is unfair on you as you had to pay for all the things and were intending to use them for you're OWN children.

At the very least it'll make YOU feel better.

Mrs.W_2

victory wrote: »

I was trying to say what poppy is saying, a gift is what someone wishes to buy for you or your family if asked why a gift was not bought it becomes an awkward obligation that builds into resentment rather than a willing wish fulfilled by the giver

notanewuser wrote: »

No it doesn't.

I just won't bother for theirs this year.

Well, you've just solved your own problem, OP.

But I will add that not everyone - your SIL and other family members included - sees life through your eyes. Should your feelings be presented to them (pun intended), they may well feel that next year's gift for your LO is an obligation.

I think that is what other posters are trying to tell you. It's up to you to listen though.

CH27

OP you cannot have everything your own way.
People are different.
You think they are odd & they probably think you are too

Stop buying for everyone & then you won't have this problem.

yvonne13_2

notanewuser wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. Had an awful night's sleep and still very upset. Don't understand it at all. I know it doesn't really matter this year and last - DD doesn't know any different - but she will in future years.

We actually have agreements with lots of my side of the family that they don't buy DD physical presents - they take her out for icecream or for a day out somewhere when they see her. So she doesn't end up with very much at Xmas really. It wouldn't be an issue if I knew why she is forgotten when my other niece is remembered. There's definitely not a time or a money issue - husband received a card and token present for his birthday on Thursday, and it didn't take me more than 5 minutes extra to buy a gift for my 2 nieces than it would have for 1. SIL was with MIL when she bought one of DD's presents too!

I'm hurt that having saved them so much for their baby, they don't do anything for ours. They literally only needed a pram and a cot. We gave car seat (took DD out of it early so they could have it) and 2 expensive bases, Moses basket, 15 months worth of clothes (which will do them for both their babies but probably be unusable by us should we decide to have another), bouncy chair, toys, breast pump, nursing pillow...........

I shouldn't let it get to me, but with my beautiful, lovely daughter snuggled next to me all night it's hard not to let it hurt.

OP you need to try and snap out of this mood your baby will pick up how your feeling and that's not fair on her.

Why didn't you nip it in the bud there and then? Sorry but if I see a child without a gift I would had said where's X's present and laughed it off.

Waiting x amount of day's worrying is no joke so instead of coming on here and saying how you feel speak to the people it actually involves.

I hope you get the answers your looking for but in all honesty I doubt anything they have to say will ease your mind.

notanewuser

DH mentioned it to BIL - it wasn't deliberate either year apparently. Don't know what will come of that but it's put my mind at rest that it's not a snub.

notanewuser

yvonne13 wrote: »

Why didn't you nip it in the bud there and then? Sorry but if I see a child without a gift I would had said where's X's present and laughed it off.

Waiting x amount of day's worrying is no joke so instead of coming on here and saying how you feel speak to the people it actually involves.

.

When?

candjsmum

thunderbird wrote: »

But they wouldn't know unless someone actually pointed it out.

My kids often don't get presents from an uncle but they don't notice/mention it. I have no idea if other nephews/nieces get presents or not.
I wouldn't dream of pointing it out to them

Sorry but I don't agree. The exact same thing happened to me when I was young. I had an aunt and uncle who never bought for me but bought for my cousins. One is only 2 months younger than me and we went to school together. Of course we compared what we had for Christmas and it became quite obvious over the years that me and my brother NEVER had Christmas or birthday presents from them. There was never an obvious reason, but as I got older I totally resented them and hated them for it. I don't give two hoots now, in fact my aunt died a while ago, but I have never forgotten what it felt like as a child. My parents never said anything but I'm afraid I most certainly would now.

Sambucus_Nigra

notanewuser wrote: »

DH mentioned it to BIL - it wasn't deliberate either year apparently. Don't know what will come of that but it's put my mind at rest that it's not a snub.

So they just forgot both years - that's almost worse. Didn't they twig when she walked through the door?

Some people...

jellyhead

notanewuser wrote: »

We already have a "no adult presents" rule.

You sent token gifts for the adults. Is it possible that they all think you're loaded, and don't need anything in return?

jellyhead

thunderbird wrote: »

But they wouldn't know unless someone actually pointed it out.

My kids often don't get presents from an uncle but they don't notice/mention it. I have no idea if other nephews/nieces get presents or not.
I wouldn't dream of pointing it out to them

They might know though. OP says she always visits around christmas day, so there's a the possibility that at some point all the cousins will be together when presents are passed around. OP's daughter is very young and if she sees every getting a present except for her it could be hurtful.