DD being bullied

befuddled000

universalady wrote: »

I DO think you are seriously worn down by it all, every which way seems like a brick wall, and on top of worrying about your DD, YOU also are trying to keep a brave face for her, which in one respect is good, as you are acting normally for her, but on the other she is bottling things up, it's OK to let her know it upsets you aswell.

I

And DD is not my only child!!..................

Re the bottling up, that is partly why she is at my mum's today. Often my mum hears about things that DD shares a bit more freely. Which again makes me feel like a cr*p mother but if that is how she expresses herself then so be it I guess.

SugarSpun

hardpressed wrote: »

If it's a private school they won't expel the trouble makers it will just be swept under the carpet to keep their image intact. Give the school an untimatum that if the bullying doesn't stop at once, you will take your daughter out of school and with-hold the fees. Put it in writting to the head and the board of governers.

Indeed. I was at a private school and was bullied badly because I was short, skinny, ginger, spotty and far too clever. I reported it many times, my mother went into the school and nothing changed until the ringleader (who was allowed to sit directly behind me in the back of the class, no attempt having been made to organise seating and my having been refused permission to move) spat on me in the middle of class. I stood up, turned around and broke his nose, then walked out of class with everything I would need for the suspension I was sure I was getting. The bullying stopped, but only because I had made myself frightening (people thought I might be unstable) and so I had very few friends for my last years there I found it preferable to having people actively trying to engage me for the wrong reasons.

The school has a duty of care to your daughter and they are failing. It is your job to push them until they fix it, or to know if they can't and move her on out. And I am sure you can do it.

ValHaller

befuddled000 wrote: »

Thank you, but the fees cannot be brought into this

I like the letter idea though.

OK, trust fund for her education? I can see that it might be difficult.

But your one advantage over a state school is the fact of fees and a contract. The school will act to prevent a CCJ, even if it is to expel your daughter.

When she is not telling you stuff so as not to ruin your Christmas, this needs bringing to a head.

Mojisola

befuddled000 wrote: »

Re the bottling up, that is partly why she is at my mum's today. Often my mum hears about things that DD shares a bit more freely. Which again makes me feel like a cr*p mother but if that is how she expresses herself then so be it I guess.

Don't be upset about this. It doesn't mean you're a bad parent!

Children often find it easier to confide in a grandparent or aunt or uncle. They sometimes do so because they want to protect their Mum and Dad from knowing how upset they are. Other times, that little bit of emotional separation makes it easier to talk.

befuddled000

I called the school to make an appointment (i.e. leave a message on the answerphone.)

The head answered as he had popped in to get something.

Well, I pointed a few things out, and he is calling the girls concerned into his office on Monday to show them the error of their ways.

He is briefing the staff on Friday of the situation so that they are all in the loop.

I am seeing him/his deputy next week for a plan of action. The hope is that the summoning of the girls will be sufficient. If not, parents next.

mumps

Good luck with it, I know it is so hard when you are in the middle of it. I ended up with a ten year old threatening suicide. Not nice and not a situation I would want any other child or parent to go through. Give her a hug from me please.

ValHaller

befuddled000 wrote: »

He is briefing the staff on Friday of the situation so that they are all in the loop.

I am seeing him/his deputy next week for a plan of action. The hope is that the summoning of the girls will be sufficient. If not, parents next.

I would suggest that anything beyond dealing directly with the culprits and their role in the school environment is something you stay out of. ie don't concern yourself with how they go about resolving anything with other parents is something to stay out of.

Otherwise you risk being drawn in too deeply. This needs to be resolved sooner rather than later and come to a head. By all means let the school deal with the parents, but don't be interested on way or the other - stick to insisting on the classroom and playground outcomes you expect.