DD being bullied

balletshoes

befuddled000 wrote: »

Thank you, I think I have decided to give it until half term with ALOT of inout from me and working with the Head. If it is not stopped by then, she will have to move.

But *whispers* what if it happens elsewhere? Why would another school be different?

another school would be different, for a start, because those girls won't be there.

Also, my DD's primary school, from reception/year 1, regularly had talks in class about respecting other people's feelings, what hurts our feelings, how it feels to have your feelings hurt by someone else etc etc etc. This was reinforced all the way through her primary school, so that all the children (even my DD, who was a bit of a sheep and wouldn't often say boo to a goose) were comfortable telling a classmate that what they were doing/saying was hurting their feelings. If they didn't stop, they knew they could go straight to a teacher and tell them what was going on.

We all worry about our kids, we all think "what if this isn't right, what if the next thing isn't right" - but we have to be there, in their corner, supporting them, listening to them, and working with them to get the best solution for their troubles.

Mojisola

befuddled000 wrote: »

The girls *honestly* do not see what they do as bullying

Then they need to learn how they are making other children feel or they will continue with this behaviour throughout their lives!

hardpressed

If it's a private school they won't expel the trouble makers it will just be swept under the carpet to keep their image intact. Give the school an untimatum that if the bullying doesn't stop at once, you will take your daughter out of school and with-hold the fees. Put it in writting to the head and the board of governers.

pinkshoes

As it's a private school, I would remove her IMMEDIATELY (i.e. not go back this term) and withhold all fees, as the school has not made sufficient effort to sort this out.

Home educate her until you can get her into another school. The reputation of the school's excellence is irrelevant, as a pupil can't learn if they're dealing with so many emotional issues, so your money is being wasted.

Or, if she is going back, you need to boost her self confidence. She needs to understand that the ONLY reason someone bullies someone else is through jealousy. When the bullies strike again, tell her to smile at them, and ignore them.

Savvy_Sue

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

So you're paying good money to send your child to a private school where she's been bullied for the last couple of years, and you won't pull her out? Seriously, give notice and withdraw her. With the money you save on school fees you can look around for a good state school. Start looking now!

I note now that you're not paying fees, for whatever reason, that's none of our business. But presumably you're paying for her uniform, which I'm guessing won't be cheap, so while I was going to add that you could use the money going on fees to cover any extra curricular stuff which she'd like to do, you can put the uniform costs into that pot, and it'll go some way towards stretching her and making up for any 'gaps' in a state school's curriculum.

befuddled000 wrote: »

Obviously if it had been constant I would have done-it just seems to rumble on with temporary lapses. Each "reprieve" (for want of a better word) has been longer and therefore we have all believed it was over..........Things really only came to a final head in the few weeks of last term.

Given what you said of the parents' responses, I can't see this being sorted.

befuddled000

pinkshoes wrote: »

As it's a private school, I would remove her IMMEDIATELY (i.e. not go back this term) and withhold all fees, as the school has not made sufficient effort to sort this out.

Home educate this really isn't an option sadly. until you can get her into another school. The reputation of the school's excellence is irrelevant, as a pupil can't learn if they're dealing with so many emotional issues, so your money is being wasted.

Or, if she is going back, you need to boost her self confidence. She needs to understand that the ONLY reason someone bullies someone else is through jealousy. When the bullies strike again, tell her to smile at them, and ignore them.

I think it did indeed start as jealousy, but now has turned to something much nastier.

She will be back on Monday. At 8.15. Which is quite co-incidentally the time I will be with the Head!!

befuddled000

universalady wrote: »

maybe you are also so worn down by it that now actually taking further action is somehow daunting to you?

I found this hard to read, but that does not mean I think you are wrong.

I am taking back up on Monday :j

ValHaller

befuddled000 wrote: »

I think it did indeed start as jealousy, but now has turned to something much nastier.

She will be back on Monday. At 8.15. Which is quite co-incidentally the time I will be with the Head!!

Pay the terms fees. Put the Headmaster on notice verbally that he is contractually obliged to provide a safe environment for your daughter and that unless the issue is addressed completely within a week, you will be withdrawing your daughter and seeking recovery of fees in full, going to court if necessary. Follow up in writing with a short clear letter..

OK, it would be bullying on your part. You do risk your daughter being expelled as too hot to handle, but even that admission that they could not fulfil their responsibilities would be much more satisfactory that the present situation.

universalady_2

When i re-read my post I did wonder if I appeared a bit harsh on you, as i said I have no kids, so in actual fact have no actual idea what it is like to be a parent of a bullied child. So maybe as a complete outsider my perspective on the issue may give you another way of looking at things?

I DO think you are seriously worn down by it all, every which way seems like a brick wall, and on top of worrying about your DD, YOU also are trying to keep a brave face for her, which in one respect is good, as you are acting normally for her, but on the other she is bottling things up, it's OK to let her know it upsets you aswell.

I used to bottle things up (completely different situation tho) and I was desperate not to upset my mum, I just needed someone to talk to, in the end my mum managed to get me to see someone, it helped just offload things I couldn't say to her, maybe if she doesn't want to upset you, or even talk to her teachers about whats said/happened, she may speak to a therapist who specalises with children/bullied children? just a thought?

Thoughts are with you both, glad to see you're gonna be on the case Monday

BTW, I live in the area, you're probably not far from me

befuddled000

ValHaller wrote: »

Pay the terms fees. Put the Headmaster on notice verbally that he is contractually obliged to provide a safe environment for your daughter and that unless the issue is addressed completely within a week, you will be withdrawing your daughter and seeking recovery of fees in full, going to court if necessary. Follow up in writing with a short clear letter..

OK, it would be bullying on your part. You do risk your daughter being expelled as too hot to handle, but even that admission that they could not fulfil their responsibilities would be much more satisfactory that the present situation.

Thank you, but the fees cannot be brought into this

I like the letter idea though.