DD being bullied

befuddled000

Hi all, had to dig out my AE as some people know me in RL on here!

Basically, DD is in year 5 (she is 9) and she has had ongoing "issues" with some of the girls in her year for the past couple of years.

It has been fairly "low grade" but the continual drip drip of name calling and exclusion has worn her down. I have been to see senior staff (and form teachers) with regards to this and it is addressed short term, but comes back to haunt her.

Things came to a head towards the end of last term when a couple of the girls started throwing things at her in a quiet corner, trying to make her cry. I became aware of it when another girl told her mum about it and she called me that evening. When I asked DD why she hadn't told me, she just said "what's the point, it'll never change"

I saw the head the next day, who took my concerns seriously and punishment was issued against those concerned. He also encouraged her to seek help from staff at school if it became a problem again..........2 days later she had to do this and it has made things 100 times worse.

She has told me over the Xmas hols that they have called her a "snitch" and some of the things they have said to her about it........made my heart break into a thousand pieces, so God alone knows how she must be feeling.

I am at a loss. Obviously I will be going in on Monday when she goes back.........but to what end? I don't know what to say to her or what to do.......she is so so so sad...... they are making her life a misery.

Apologies for the long post-I do appreciate you reading and any help you might be able to offer DD or I at this time.

Welshwoofs

befuddled000 wrote: »

I am at a loss. Obviously I will be going in on Monday when she goes back.........but to what end? I don't know what to say to her or what to do.......she is so so so sad...... they are making her life a misery.

I can only pass on what my Mother told me when I was bullied. In order to stop the hyenas snapping at your heels you have to make sure you're not the weakest in the herd. She needs to get the ringleader and whallop her. Yes she'll get into trouble, yes the teachers will call you in and be horrified etc etc... but the bottom line is that the only thing that stops a bully is brute force. They'll then move on to the next victim and the school will, no doubt, be equally as ineffective with dealing with that situation too.

Triker

Change schools....seriously!

Had the same issue for years, its only been the month that things have changed as I fought the Education System and won.

My dd is 15, done the talking to the Head, the Head of Year, etc, etc, but the bottom line is the only thing that has worked has been a change of schools.

My dd has blossomed in the last few weeks, don't waste any more time, get her out of there.

befuddled000

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I can only pass on what my Mother told me when I was bullied. In order to stop the hyenas snapping at your heels you have to make sure you're not the weakest in the herd. She needs to get the ringleader and whallop her. Yes she'll get into trouble, yes the teachers will call you in and be horrified etc etc... but the bottom line is that the only thing that stops a bully is brute force. They'll then move on to the next victim and the school will, no doubt, be equally as ineffective with dealing with that situation too.

There is absolutely NO WAY DD would do this........
a) she is terrified of said girls
b) she literally couldn't hurt a fly
c) she would be expelled-a fate worse than death in her book.........

befuddled000

Triker wrote: »

Change schools....seriously!

Had the same issue for years, its only been the month that things have changed as I fought the Education System and won.

My dd is 15, done the talking to the Head, the Head of Year, etc, etc, but the bottom line is the only thing that has worked has been a change of schools.

My dd has blossomed in the last few weeks, don't waste any more time, get her out of there.

But is that not frying pan to fire, that is my worry?

Additionally, she is set to take her 11+ in Sept, if there is another way of dealing with this I would rather.

I know I sound like I am putting barriers up to change, and I hate posters that do that :rotfl: but I am so worried.

custardy

Triker wrote: »

Change schools....seriously!

Had the same issue for years, its only been the month that things have changed as I fought the Education System and won.

My dd is 15, done the talking to the Head, the Head of Year, etc, etc, but the bottom line is the only thing that has worked has been a change of schools.

My dd has blossomed in the last few weeks, don't waste any more time, get her out of there.

Totally agree
given the time scales involved. I just don't see this improving
the 'low level' stuff is probably worse in some ways as its less likely to end in suspensions,exclusions etc

themull1

Get an appointment with the head, and the kids involved, and their parents. Why should your daughter change schools! The bullies will just pick on someone else if she goes. It needs to be stopped now. Thats what i did, and the bullying stopped.

Person_one

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I can only pass on what my Mother told me when I was bullied. In order to stop the hyenas snapping at your heels you have to make sure you're not the weakest in the herd. She needs to get the ringleader and whallop her. Yes she'll get into trouble, yes the teachers will call you in and be horrified etc etc... but the bottom line is that the only thing that stops a bully is brute force. They'll then move on to the next victim and the school will, no doubt, be equally as ineffective with dealing with that situation too.

That'll really help her deal with difficult people as an adult.

befuddled000

themull1 wrote: »

Get an appointment with the head, and the kids involved, and their parents. Why should your daughter change schools! The bullies will just pick on someone else if she goes. It needs to be stopped now. Thats what i did, and the bullying stopped.

The mothers have found out I have been in......let's just say, the old adage about the apple not falling far from the tree could not be more right. I am officially in Coventry. Nice though I am sure Coventry is, I don't live there!

befuddled000

custardy wrote: »

Totally agree
given the time scales involved. I just don't see this improving
the 'low level' stuff is probably worse in some ways as its less likely to end in suspensions,exclusions etc

Would you change her with 5 terms left?

That sounds really sarcy, it's not, I promise it's just a question

balletshoes

your daughter is already being called a snitch - so theres no reason for her not to continue to ask for help from the teaching staff when these girls start on her in school. The school can't help her if she doesn't tell them whats going on, when its going on.

If, after you've been back to the school and discussed this all with them again, theres no improvement, contacting the governors/LEA would be the next step, if you feel that the school is not upholding their own anti-bullying policies (do you have a copy of those?).

If your child is terrified of these classmates, and she's beginning to dread going into school because of it, I'd be thinking of moving her, sorry. It doesn't mean she'll be bullied in her new school just because she is bullied in her current one. A whole year and a half of being terrorised with no relief is a long time in anyone's book.