Negotiation In Marriage

LannieDuck

There's a lot going on in your marriage. But in answer to your first question - we don't negotiate. We respect each other as equals, so if one doesn't want to do something, we don't.

Essentially, if we want to initiate a major change to the status quo, we both need to agree to it.

If you don't want something, your OH can't just unilaterally decide to do it anyway. From your comments, it sounds as if he's done this in the past and you've just let it go. I'm afraid that's set a precedent where he figures there won't be any fall-out from that sort of behaviour. You need to make sure that there's a significant negative fall-out, or he'll just keep doing it again and again.

...how you manage that with two goats, I'm not quite sure. I would suggest refusing to have anything to do with them, but am concerned that might become an animal welfare issue if your OH becomes truculent about it.

Jinx

I was discussing this thread with my hubby over dinner and agree with Lannieduck - we are equals but still individuals and we don't negotiate as such (although we have a sign that says love, honour and negotiate!)

If I want to do something or buy something I do it, ditto him. However that is within a framework of overall agreeing stuff. For example hes working overtime this week - he normally keeps this cash for his hobbies but this time we discussed it and he is keeping some and the rest is going toward clearing my credit card as I bought the pressies.

To me it is unacceptable that you agree one thing then hubby does exactly what he wants regardless. What is the point in even discussing it? Additionally he (you as a couple?) have 23k in debt - that is a huge amount and must impact on your sense of financial security but regardless he reduced his hours and you tread on eggshells to cater to his mood/health?!

I think a reality check in terms of what you want is needed. You could set goals for 2013 eg get shot of the animals if hubby is not able to care for them, clear some debt and agree that if you have a discussion and agree something you both must stick to it.

If it was me he would be put on notice that going his own way continually rather than pulling together is a sure way to the highway!

Oh and you should never ask a child if you should leave a marriage. Its an adult decision to be made by an adult.