meeting husbands female friend!

sticher

Labman, I am sorry and don't mean to be rude, but can you HONESTLY say that you have never, ever, ever wanted your friendship to be more???

trigger2

kerry - good luck tonight, & I'd agree with other posters - go with your gut instinct, its invariably right

celyn90

Scarlett1 wrote: »

I thought that, or greet her at the door and lean over to kiss her on the cheek and instead whisper in her ear that if she ever makes a move on her husband that you will take her down and then give her a friendly kiss on the cheek and a wink

:eek: :eek: As much as I *always* felt like doing this on the inside with my ex-OH's harlot (who was very different to his female friends may I add!), please don't do it because it'll turn it into sport for her if she is inclined that way, and upset her if she isn't.

I do think you should air your fears with your DH and he should see how you feel. If you don't feel comfortable for whatever reason, don't meet her. You can always phone her and say one of the LO's is a bit peaky, if she's a true friend, she'll understand.

I always tell my OH that I don't care where he gets his appetite from, as long as he eats at home.

Best wishes and hope all goes okay for you.

sticher

There ARE such things as innocent, platonic male-female friendships, and if there are no "feelings" there then all the bed-sharing, wrestling and other flirtatious behaviour is not going to cause infidelity to happen.

My friend used to believe this. She is a vivascious (sp?) person, is friendly and flirty to everyone and I warned her that men would get the wrong idea. She said she had known some of them for years and they had never tried/said anything. Then she split from her husband and gradually every one of them tried it on (married or otherwise). I think she now realises they were interested all along but she always thought it was innocent banter.

If your gut feeling is telling you something, I think it is wise to listen.

bloomin_freezing

I have read quite a few but not the whole of this thread so excuse me if i duplicate what others have said, although these are my personal thoughts also...

This is what i would do in your position:

1) Make sure you look and feel fab for the day

2) Try to have everything prepared (salads etc) before she arrives so you do not spend time shut away from them

3) Make sure that OH knows the kids are not solely your job on the day, again this could mean you seeing to the kids and leaving them alone

4) Don't nag about anything the morning of the bbq, you may give him reason to get closer to her

5) If possible engage her in as much conversation as possible and let him do the bbq away from where you two are sitting talking having a few drinks, that way you appear to be her 'friend'

Don't give either of them a reason to feel you are being awkward with them, that will give them only another reason for hushy hushy talks on monday.

Good luck for the bbq, personally it wouldn't even come up for discussion in our house. I have my female friends, hubby has male friends thats it. Old fashioned maybe, before we were together it was a whole different story. But no we're married there is a line of respect which we both understand.

x

daphne_descends

In a previous relationship, I spent a lot of time with male friends and had all the flirting/texting/bed sharing stuff that was totally innocent. My bf did too and I didn't once flinch. He would stay out all night, I never questionned where he was. I am to this day completely confident that he was faithful to me, as I was to him.

In my current relationship, this would NOT be on for either of us. As someone else said, sharing a bed is (to me now) so intimate, and I know my OH thinks the same.

It does NOT mean we are at all suspicious of each other. What's changed? This is forever


Also, I was silly enough to get involved with a man from work who had a girlfriend and child. I was besotted with him. If he had invited me over for a barbecue I'd have ran a mile. I never wanted to even see his girlfriend. Occasionally she would meet him from work, I would find an excuse to be somewhere else in the building at that time.
I'm not proud of this. I'm just offering another perspective.

Ems*Honie

I think there is such a differance having platonic friends before and after marriage and kids. The threat of a single child free women to a wife and mother is horrible, she is care free and can find the freedom and energy for all the things a tired mum would love to but cant. I know I have come up against the same situation in my marriage.

There is some great advice on the thread, get yourself in your most confident outfit, nice hair, make up on. Getting everything ready in advance is excellant advice. I really hope it goes ok for you. I'm sure your hubby knows where his bread is buttered, but it might be helpful to remind him make it very clear your not going to entertain a third person in the marriage platonic or not. Disregard the discussion on this thread about what is and usn't acceptable, it's your marriage and your feelings so it's your rules.

Thinking of you xx

Labman_2

sticher wrote: »

Labman, I am sorry and don't mean to be rude, but can you HONESTLY say that you have never, ever, ever wanted your friendship to be more???

You're not being rude, it's a fair (& a probing) question. Maybe 30 years ago when my male hormones were raging I probably thought about it fleetingly, but I do feel it would have been a real mistake if anything happened. Nothing did happen & our friendship has been probably been strengthened by that.

Hormones aside 30 years ago the answer to your question is an honest 'no'.

snails's_pace

pick a good looker at your bbq...and do the same with him ...

MATH

What a painful time this must be for you, please put a stop to it now and let your insensitive hubby know the score. Once you allow this woman into your home you have as good as given tacit agreement to their friendship and if you complain at a later date the fact you 'made nice' over a BBQ will be thrown back in your face and used against you.

Flirty texts are an absolute no-no, they are verbal foreplay. Perfectly acceptable between single friends and casual in relationships but have no place in a marrriage (unless they are between hubby and wife of course. LOL). If they are 'just silly banter' and 'mean nothing' it won't be any big deal for him to stop them will it?

It seems most odd to me that he is inviting a single collegue (or either gender) to your family BBQ. Most people would invite two, three or a small group but never just one. It smacks of a hidden agender to me! I don't think meeting her in this way will be any help in 'seeing how they are togther', the show will be put on for your benefit and may in no way resemble the truth.

Remember you are in a marriage which is different to any other kind of relationship, and it is very different to couple who date or live together. Vows have been made and you have a contract! There doesn't actually have to be anything going on for you to request it ends, the fact that it makes you feel uncomfortable and jepordises you trust and peace of mind is enough. If your husband loves you this will be his primary concern, not some bird at work!

I'm surprised at some of the posters who have suggested getting glammed up as if this is some sort of competion. It is not! He is your husband not hers, if there is any issue with then either she, he, or both need to be kicked into touch. You don't need to compete or try and match up, you are already married to him.

Be strong and above all listen to that small voice inside of you

Hugs MATH