meeting husbands female friend!

SoozieSoo

poe.tuesday wrote: »

oh my god - it's just some fun, having play fights and bunking in the same bed together does not mean that you are going to have sex and certainly does not mean that anyone has been unfaithful or is going to.

Jealousy, insecurity and a massive lack of trust and respect seems apparent on this thread.

not all men think with their penis - have a bit more respect eh!

Sharing a bed is an intimate act and something I would not do with anyone, except my husband and child. I have my boundaries, they are different from yours, but please respect them

Sharing a bed with someone may mean nothing to you, but it means a hell of a lot to me. Just as flirting when married may be ok in your eyes, it isn’t in mine.

The OP’s husband is hurting her. That is what matters here. It amazes me he is putting the chance to flirt with some girl before his wife’s feelings.

poe.tuesday

inkie wrote: »

It's not the faact that he has a female friend that would bother me - its the nature of the texting. I have a very good male friend (i'm female), and that is not a problem to my hubby.

the texting is 'mild', but if it does bother her then she should tell her OH as it's best to be open and honest at all times but personally I don't think there is anything in it on his side, and that's all that matter

I would say however that as it's just a family BBQ perhaps moodykerry shoudl suggest that as it's a family BBQ that it should be kept that way and arrange another time to meet his friend

SoozieSoo

Curious_George wrote: »

If your feeling insecure about it... then thats how you feel
and to be honest your husband should be more understanding of that,

like the others said, keep your eyes and ears open but i dont think there is any need to be as millitant as people like SoozieSoo,
sorry Sooz but men and women can be friends without anything happening and if your so untrusting that neither of you are allowed mates of the opposite sex then that probably says more about you than it does about the rest of us.

no man is interested in having affairs with every woman he gets on with.

The easiest way to stay faithful is to avoid temptation. We are all human. If I was on a diet I would not fill my fridge with cream cakes, so why risk temptation by having opposite sex friends?

I can think of 3 marriages I know that have been ruined by “friendships”. It just isn’t worth the risk.

poe.tuesday

if your partner is going to be unfaithful then he is going to be unfaithful regardless of having female friends or not - if it's going to happen then 'stopping' them having female friends isn't going to stop it happening, if they want to do it then they will - regardless of what barriers you may put in their way - and at the end of the day - why bother - let them go if they want to - who wants to be with a man they don't trust - unconditionally

Justie

Everyone's different, my OH and I both have friends of the opposite sex and I think it's unreasonable to expect anything else, I'd be much more worried if he never made friends with any of the women he worked with or if I wasn't allowed to be friends with someone just because of their gender.

If the OP is worried about flirting then that's something that needs addressing but if her OH is open about it then my suggestion would be that it means nothing. He wants her to meet this friend and I would say that's a positive thing. I can understand the apprehension though as we all judge ourselves by looking at other people and seeing how we compare. The advice to look fantastic and to relax is much better than spreading paranoia imo. Yes some men and some women cheat on their partners, that does not mean that everyone does nor that everyone wants to. If it helps then invite a couple more friends to the BBQ so it's less intense but take it a chance to meet someone new who you may just like.

SoozieSoo

poe.tuesday wrote: »

if your partner is going to be unfaithful then he is going to be unfaithful regardless of having female friends or not - if it's going to happen then 'stopping' them having female friends isn't going to stop it happening, if they want to do it then they will - regardless of what barriers you may put in their way - and at the end of the day - why bother - let them go if they want to - who wants to be with a man they don't trust - unconditionally

I understand, but there are lots of different types of unfaithful. I would not want my husband sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with another woman (except perhaps his mum), regardless of whether they had sex or not.

You can also be unfaithful in mind as well as body. Intimacy is not just about rubbing body parts together.

skyrocket

vik6525 wrote: »

Please dont flame me for this skyrocket, but it wasnt all the womans fault now was it? She was the single one, not your husband. If anything, Id say it was your oh who behaved much worse than the woman. Hes the one who chose to sleep with her 8 weeks after he had a child...

Actually no she wasnt single. he was certainly at fault but what kind of woman goes after a married man?
She had a partner of 20 years she was bored with and couldnt be bothered leaving and saw my husband as the gravy train she was going to jump on next.
He was no angel and to blame for it but she was certainly no innocent

gingercordial

SoozieSoo wrote: »

I would count sleeping in the same bed as someone and wrestling fights on the floor as "something happening". If my husband did either of these things with another women he would be out the door.

I'm female and I too have many male friends and yes, I have slept in the same bed as some of them (generally in hotels, oh the scandal!!!) and had play fights too. Just as I have slept in the same bed with many of my female friends.

I have no intentions towards them and have never been anything less than 100% faithful to my boyfriend.

There ARE such things as innocent, platonic male-female friendships, and if there are no "feelings" there then all the bed-sharing, wrestling and other flirtatious behaviour is not going to cause infidelity to happen.

Of course if there is an attraction, a friendship can be a good place to hide it, and yes I do get suspicious of some of my boyfriend's female friends, but I trust him when he says there is nothing there.

OP, you know your husband. Meet her, see how it goes and what you observe, and follow your heart.

oldMcDonald

moodykerry wrote: »

Morning all,
My husband has a female friend at work, they exchange flirty texts, mild ones I might add, and I feel awful about meeting her.

<snip>

moodykerry wrote: »

But my insides still hurt.
Any advice?

Surely the discussion going on about who is right / wrong about playfights and shareing beds is pretty irrelevent here?

OP is uncomfortable over a situation her DH is placeing her in, and whether she should trust him or not is down to her own instincts. One thing for sure in my mind is that if she is uncomfortable and 'hurting', then she should be able to trust her Dh enough to tell him and he should say that he understands and not place her in a situation in which she is unhappy?

OP, have you told your DH how you are feeling?

nearlyrich

I have male friends and my OH has female friends, we trust each other and we agreed that if either ever wanted to be unfaithful they would tell the other before they acted on it. I love chatting to people, some of you might call it flirting, I would never jump into bed with someone else whilst in a relationship.

I don't know how you can "Stop" someone from being friends with someone they work with just because they are the opposite sex, I go out to dinner with my male colleagues when we are staying in the same hotels for business my DH doesn't worry about it at all.