meeting husbands female friend!

Mark7799

SoozieSoo wrote: »

Have you told your husband about your feelings? My husband does not have any female friends, I don't have any males ones. Call me old fashioned, but I don't think opposite sex friend are appropriate when you are married.

So you don't think friendships could be formed with people you meet in a working environment? I have quite a few ladies I call friends - no sniggers, they are all married themselves or in long term relationships. These have been formed as we have often spent up to eight hours per day five days per week in each other's company. Some I have met outside work (with my wife in a foursome) and we still exchange messages by e-mail/phone where appropriate.

There is nothing underhand in any of this - my wife has built many friendships in a similar way and I have no problem with that.

ben500

MATH wrote: »

What a painful time this must be for you, please put a stop to it now and let your insensitive hubby know the score. Once you allow this woman into your home you have as good as given tacit agreement to their friendship and if you complain at a later date the fact you 'made nice' over a BBQ will be thrown back in your face and used against you.

Flirty texts are an absolute no-no, they are verbal foreplay. Perfectly acceptable between single friends and casual in relationships but have no place in a marrriage (unless they are between hubby and wife of course. LOL). If they are 'just silly banter' and 'mean nothing' it won't be any big deal for him to stop them will it?

It seems most odd to me that he is inviting a single collegue (or either gender) to your family BBQ. Most people would invite two, three or a small group but never just one. It smacks of a hidden agender to me! I don't think meeting her in this way will be any help in 'seeing how they are togther', the show will be put on for your benefit and may in no way resemble the truth.

Remember you are in a marriage which is different to any other kind of relationship, and it is very different to couple who date or live together. Vows have been made and you have a contract! There doesn't actually have to be anything going on for you to request it ends, the fact that it makes you feel uncomfortable and jepordises you trust and peace of mind is enough. If your husband loves you this will be his primary concern, not some bird at work!

I'm surprised at some of the posters who have suggested getting glammed up as if this is some sort of competion. It is not! He is your husband not hers, if there is any issue with then either she, he, or both need to be kicked into touch. You don't need to compete or try and match up, you are already married to him.

Be strong and above all listen to that small voice inside of you

Hugs MATH

One of the best posts I've seen so far, I suspect this meeting is pre-emptive and that he is attempting to manage tomorrows discussion today. I too have squirmed at the suggestion of puckering yourself up to compete, it will only create more of a challenge for her and if my cynical reasoning is right will be followed by her own attempt at glamming up in response to the challenge set down by you, this in turn will draw more interest from him blah blah blah. Think animal instincts, is this the first time you have felt your relationship challenged? if there is history I'd say that given the current scenario should be enough to alert you to the fact it's not a fire engine in the distance it's alarm bells inside your head.

SoozieSoo

Mark7799 wrote: »

So you don't think friendships could be formed with people you meet in a working environment? I have quite a few ladies I call friends - no sniggers, they are all married themselves or in long term relationships. These have been formed as we have often spent up to eight hours per day five days per week in each other's company. Some I have met outside work (with my wife in a foursome) and we still exchange messages by e-mail/phone where appropriate.

There is nothing underhand in any of this - my wife has built many friendships in a similar way and I have no problem with that.

It is just not something I would do. I am polite to other men, but do not exchange e-mail/phone numbers. I have no desire to be "friends" with men.

Labman_2

SoozieSoo wrote: »

It is just not something I would do. I am polite to other men, but do not exchange e-mail/phone numbers. I have no desire to be "friends" with men.

...I'm thinking that's kind of sad....

SoozieSoo

Labman wrote: »

...I'm thinking that's kind of sad....

Why? I am not sad about it. I prefer the company of females.

susy_2

Mark7799 wrote: »

(in a foursome)

But this is a threesome?

I have had many 'friends' over the years, married and single. Being very naive, I used to think these were even relationships, while my friends and family were telling me otherwise. I never ended up in any difficulties with them, but now I am a bit older, I can see that they were made in 'hope'

saraharrow

I would say go with your instincts, if somethings up, it will show and you can have all your friends keeping an eye on her at the Barbie.
If its nothing but what he says it is that will show too, and you can have all your friends at the barbie tell her what an amazing person you are.

Many years ago - about ten, my ex husband picked up this creature from Nursery school with our daughter, she was all over him like a rash - he had a good job, we had a lovely house, nice cars etc on the surface he looked like a great provider.

When I went away for a week to study she was round my house cooking dinner for him, putting daughter to bed, shopping, cleaning and answering my phone. This didnt make me very happy at all.

So one day I invited her round for coffee, cried on her shoulder said he was having an affair with someone at work and that he had just been made redundant, and I said that I didnt know how to deal with it and he was just pretending work and everything was fine when really I was the breadwinner.

We never heard from her again.

May I add It wasnt jealousy in the normal sense here that made me act like such a !!!!! it was bitterness, we were both terribly unhappily married, I just didnt want him to be happy after making me so miserable. We limped on for another 7 years miserably but I felt small satisfaction in having 'seen her off'.

Go with your instincts, there normally right.

ben500

Labman wrote: »

...I'm thinking that's kind of sad....

I think it's commendable, there's a difference between office banter and banter via text, one is in the public domain the other private (relatively anyway) private and personal should be reserved for your partner or spouse in my opinion, but then again I do have a good deal of grey hair.

Mark7799

SoozieSoo wrote: »

Quite flirty and knows how to read women. Not necessary attractive, but someone who knows how women tick and how to get their attention. A “ladies man” for want of a better word.

I'm interested by your attitude. Do you work and is it in a mixed environment?

I line manage staff and feel I like to know how all my staff 'tick' (men and women) as part of my job is go get them to perform to the best of their ability in the workplace. This means a lot of interaction and some of that I think you would class as 'flirting' based upon your earlier posts - incidentally, when I meet my wife's staff she says I regularly flirt with them.

Conversely, I've had several women bosses and always tried to build a good working relationship with them - this has included meeting outside of work - sometimes with my wife, sometimes not.

Mark7799

susy wrote: »

But this is a threesome?

I have had many 'friends' over the years, married and single. Being very naive, I used to think these were even relationships, while my friends and family were telling me otherwise. I never ended up in any difficulties with them, but now I am a bit older, I can see that they were made in 'hope'

Accept your comment - my original post was addressed to SoozieSoo and a comment she made.