meeting husbands female friend!

ailuro2

Just bring along a hunk for her- she may turn out to be a lonely woman with not many friends-and would appreciate being matched up with someone?

It would certainly get the folks at your dh's work talking if you turned up with a hunky friend in tow:rotfl:

vik6525

moodykerry wrote: »

Hello all! I can't believe all the treads on this subject, taking me over an hour to read them all!

Well this is what happened.
Before the bbq had started, i was at the sink washing up and I just started to quietly cry , my hubby came up behind me and gave me a hug, then I started to bawl lol, he didn't know what was wrong, so I told him, he was shocked that it had affected me so badly and he was really sorry. He sad he had no interest in her in that way at all, and he had invited her so I could see that she was just a normal mate. In fact she doesn't have many friends and she never has much too do at the weekend, and he felt a bit sorry for her. So he cancelled the bbq, I didn't ask him too. Then I felt really bad, I felt like a right prat, and I felt sorry for her as it got cancelled at the last minute. So I said maybe she could come round some other day. I do wish she had come round now, just so I could see what she was like.
I can't say I am 100% happy on this situation now but I do feel a lot more secure in my marriage. I think I may of over reacted a bit but I can't help how I felt at the time. It will still be very odd when I do meet her, and I will have my eyes peeled. If I see nothing that worries me I will be happy for them to be friends, if I see something I don't like, well I'm not sure.
Anyway, thankyou all for your input, I can't believe the response!
Thanks
Kerry

YAY moodykerry!!! And double YAY to Mr.Moodykerry:T :T
I think you've got a cracker there, he obviously cares a hell of a lot about you!!
Just a sugestion... If she hasnt many friends, and gets a bit lonely etc, why dont you ask her out for a drink? Just the two of you? If your husband thinks shes a decent person, then chances are you will too... And it could be the start of a lovely friendship between you and her... It would also give you a chance to 'get the measure' of her so to speak... If she is just his mate then she'd probably be really flattered that you asked her out, and at the same time, give you a chance to feel more at ease about her...
But Im so so glad you've come back to tell us how it was going.. I was really genuinely worried that the arguments had scared you off...

gelato_cat

Really glad you're OK!

I know what you mean about not feeling 100% happy about the situation but I'm glad you feel more secure. Have you reinforced to your husband that you are unhappy about the flirting - and has he agreed to stop?

Suze

moodykerry wrote: »

Hello all! I can't believe all the treads on this subject, taking me over an hour to read them all!

Well this is what happened.
Before the bbq had started, i was at the sink washing up and I just started to quietly cry , my hubby came up behind me and gave me a hug, then I started to bawl lol, he didn't know what was wrong, so I told him, he was shocked that it had affected me so badly and he was really sorry. He sad he had no interest in her in that way at all, and he had invited her so I could see that she was just a normal mate. In fact she doesn't have many friends and she never has much too do at the weekend, and he felt a bit sorry for her. So he cancelled the bbq, I didn't ask him too. Then I felt really bad, I felt like a right prat, and I felt sorry for her as it got cancelled at the last minute. So I said maybe she could come round some other day. I do wish she had come round now, just so I could see what she was like.
I can't say I am 100% happy on this situation now but I do feel a lot more secure in my marriage. I think I may of over reacted a bit but I can't help how I felt at the time. It will still be very odd when I do meet her, and I will have my eyes peeled. If I see nothing that worries me I will be happy for them to be friends, if I see something I don't like, well I'm not sure.
Anyway, thankyou all for your input, I can't believe the response!
Thanks
Kerry

ben500

Curious_George wrote: »

id say this is a great suggestion,
if it is all on the level and you really do want to meet her then i think the best thing is to go out for a drink, dont invite her to your house, dont be in a situation where you have to introduce her to your kids because even if you think your ok with it something as simple as seeing one of your babies get on really well with her could bother you no end, you dont want to say anything but you cant stand watching it happen either so you just end up feeling like a bit of an idiot!!
going for a getting to know you drink could be ok, especially if you 'accidently' bump into a single male friend or if you all went out in a group,
you are likely to feel a bit less territorial and your home has been kept out of it!
but please PLEASE dont do the "MY husband this..." "MY hubby that" bit, she knows who you are and its like watching a dog marking his territory, you might as well wee up your mans leg the second the woman comes into view!
it can look really desperate and insecure (and a point from the other side....its also hilarious to watch when there is absolutley no way you could be interested in the bloke in question but the wife/girlf obviously feels threatened by every female who speaks to him! and it can really make you wonder how strong their relationship could be that she feels the need to do this)

Sound advice there, if you spend the time draping yourself over your husband or turn up looking like the queen of sheba draped in finery all you will succeed in doing is sending her a message that you feel threatened, if she's a bunny boiler she will see that as an invitation to a challenge, he did the right thing cancelling, let's see if he continues to do right by you and insists a meeting is not required because he is no longer associating with her in such a manner as to challenge or threaten your relationship. Work is work home is precious.

Babysoft

Aw Hugs Kerry XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX So glad your weekend wasn't ruined XXXXXXXXXX

gelato_cat

:rotfl:

Suze

black-saturn wrote:

Then I met him again in a pub by accident about 6 months later and he confessed to me that he was having it off with 'the woman who looked after the dog' in a casual way all along. Turns out she just wanted a bit of fun and he was the one she wanted it with. So my hunch was right all along and probably right about all the others too. Seems like the only dog she was looking after was herself!!!

gelato_cat

Good idea

I'm sorta wondering why the woman hasn't many friends - maybe she's just moved into the area, or maybe it's something else! In any case, I'm a bit dubious about why she wants to be flirty friends with a married man!

I'm really glad Kerry's hubby put her feelings above the woman's by comforting her and cancelling the barbecue though.

Suze

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Can I make a suggestion though? Although your husband's motives are fine, you don't know what hers are, so until you do, if you are going to meet her, make sure it is in some sort of public place (like a bar) and not in the midst of your family. This keeps the relationship at a bit of a distance until you know what is what (and still gives her a night out if she is genuine).

Good luck!

black-saturn

I was thinking about this all afternnoon yesterday. I'm not saying there is anything going on but if there is they now know they can carry it on without her ever having to meet you. If you'd have had the barbecue at least you could have seen how close they are and if you had anything to worry about. I would definately arrange some kind of meeting with her soon just to put my mind at rest. At the moment you don't know whats going on.

dianadors

When my "situation" was happening, I was glad I was in the middle of it observing as it would have probably gone on much longer undetected by me. I dont know if its just me, but I can tell a mile off if something isnt right(although when it is happening to you, you do put blinkers on for a while because you dont want it to be happening). It doesnt mean that you are paranoid if you follow your instincts (although errant partners would have you think that way). True Love means never feeling insecure in your marriage. If my husband felt insecure, I would do everything in my power to make him feel secure, and I would expect that back. Whatever you need from your partner (within reason), you should get.
Throughout the lifetime of a marriage or partnership there will be external threats and no body tells you how to deal with these. From my experience I know that these can cause a marriage to split (as my 1st one did) or they can make your marriage stronger (like my 2nd one). Its the worst thing in the world when it happens, and it usually is very unexpected. I'm not the naive person I used to be, but I'm not paranoid and clingy either. I learned a lot from my "situation" - I wish it had never happened but it did. I think we rescued it becuase it hadnt got that far.

moodykerry

Hello,
I do think I will have to meet her, even if it is just the once. I am sure I would know if anything was going on then.I just hope I can give her the benefit of the doubt when I do first meet her. She may well be a lovely person. All that I can say is my hubby does very clearly know how i feel about this now. So his actions from now on should speak volumes. Time will tell.
Thankyou all
Kerry