meeting husbands female friend!

vik6525

If any of my mates made a pass at me, then I have to say, I couldnt see me being friends with them any more. As others have said on here, male/female friendships only seem to work if theres no attraction. That said, its never happened... (god, I must be really minging or something!!!)
I keep trying to defend myself, cause i feel that Ive been made out to be a bit of a halot on here, with no respect for relationships and marriage. And I find that really offensive, cause it couldnt be further from the truth if it tried...

(edited to add... it wasnt just me and my passed out mate here on saturday night! there ended up with about 15 people here, male and female... Blinking smoking ban!! )

Rachie_B

vik6525 wrote: »

If any of my mates made a pass at me, then I have to say, I couldnt see me being friends with them any more. As others have said on here, male/female friendships only seem to work if theres no attraction. That said, its never happened... (god, I must be really minging or something!!!)
I keep trying to defend myself, cause i feel that Ive been made out to be a bit of a harlot on here, with no respect for relationships and marriage. And I find that really offensive, cause it couldnt be further from the truth if it tried...

(edited to add... it wasnt just me and my passed out mate here on saturday night! there ended up with about 15 people here, male and female... Blinking smoking ban!! )

You haven't come accross like that at ALL ! not to me anyway

lmao you need to post a pic now so we can see if you are "minging" or not :rotfl:

vik6525

Rachie_B wrote: »

You haven't come accross like that at ALL ! not to me anyway

lmao you need to post a pic now so we can see if you are "minging" or not :rotfl:

You'll have to ask janepig... she knows what i look like! lmao...

Ems*Honie

I dont think you've come across as a harlot Vik I just dont think you've ever come up against this particular issue, so your opinions are very onesided to the debate, that said another poster on here is also very onesided to the other side of the debate. At the end of the day every relasionship is differant and you have to respect the terms as they come, not generalising to just what you live.

Still hoping OP is ok, I imagine this thread is now incredably daunting for her

Zoetoes

b33r wrote: »

Not very representative sample I'm not like that and I don't think it makes me any less of a man, so please add a strike to the other column

I wasn't suggesting all men are the same, I said basing it on the men I know.

Bambywamby

It's all about individual boundaries and what is and isn't acceptable to us as individuals. The OP is being made miserable by it, so it's time to act.
She needs to either let it slide, stop worrying and let him have a blossoming friendship with this woman or put her foot down and stop it.
If this woman actually means !!!!!! all to her hubby he shouldn't have a problem stopping the texts and party invites.

If he gives any of the old "infringing my civil liberties rubbish" time to play a bit of whats good for goose.

Personally, I wouldn't have my OH texting female work colleagues unless it's regarding work and I certainly wouldn't let him invite female work colleagues around to family barbys unless they were family friends.
As for sharing beds and wrestling...yeah all well and great if you're in your teens or you're students and all the folks are single or okay with it.

For me, in a relationship I think it's disrespectful and unacceptable.

daphne_descends

We're all only the results of our experiences and that's all we can base our own opinions on. I've had three very close male friends over the years that I considered at the time to be my best friends - one in particular, I felt such a bond with, I could talk to him about anything. I felt he understood me on a level that no one else ever had, he always knew the right things to say, could read my mood and cheer me up in seconds.

Then when we were drunk he tried to kiss me, ignoring that I was saying 'no' several times before getting the message. Since then our friendship has been awkward and strained and reduced to an email every few weeks. This was two years ago and I'm still really upset - things were perfect and I had a friend for life, and he bloody ruined it.

The other two followed similar patterns, each time I thought I'd found a soul mate, holding hands and being quite childlike in each others company, things were so idyllic with each of these guys, and I still miss them. But each time things went sour after a year or so when I was told 'I'm falling in love with you'.

Then I made good friends with a guy I work with. He has me in stitches. We both went through breakups a couple of years ago at the same time and helped each other through it. Then I fell in love. He didn't. I could tell he didn't - I never, ever, ever said anything of my feelings, and to this day I'd be mortified if he knew how I felt then. I have a fond memory though of an argument, in the pouring rain, and almost dying to kiss him. It was electric.
In this instance I realised it was probably rebound-love and I got over it and we are still friends, but on a more 'matey' level - conversations are less personal.

So I do believe absolutely that men and women can be friends and it can be innocent - I also think that what's hidden can be dangerous, and can ruin things. Proceed with caution would be my advice. That's all.

I'm not entirely sure why I've written all this, I'm sure I had a point to make when I started typing. Nevermind.

black-saturn

I havn't got time to read all the posts in this thread but I wanted to say my four penneth anyway. IMO all things flirty with other people should stop the moment your in a committed relationship. Not all times but sometimes flirting can lead to other things.

At the barbecue I would make sure you give your husband lots of attention. Keep putting your arm round him and being affectionate. If there is any sign of him and the other woman doing it make sure you but in with some kind of line like "yes MY husband is lovely isnt he?".

After it you will be able to see how close they really are and how far she thinks she's going to go.

Personally I wouldnt put up with it and I would have knocked it on the head well before now.

dianadors

This was a very painful thread for me to read. I was in a very similar position and the woman was worming her way into our lives, making it acceptable to be seen at my home when I wasnt in. It turned out that my hubby did have an affair with her. When the dodo hit the fan, hubby and I chose to make a go of our marriage, and years later we are still going strong. I stood and watched this evil woman pick her next victim, and go in for the kill. She did split someone elses marriage up. Some women are manipulative beyond belief and some men are weak.
I think if you are in a relationship the only person you should flirt with is your partner. There's nothing wrong with having male or female friends, but there are boundaries that shouldnt be crossed.

I hope all is well MoodyKerry.

seven-day-weekend

dianadors wrote: »

This was a very painful thread for me to read. I was in a very similar position and the woman was worming her way into our lives, making it acceptable to be seen at my home when I wasnt in. It turned out that my hubby did have an affair with her. When the dodo hit the fan, hubby and I chose to make a go of our marriage, and years later we are still going strong. I stood and watched this evil woman pick her next victim, and go in for the kill. She did split someone elses marriage up. Some women are manipulative beyond belief and some men are weak.
I think if you are in a relationship the only person you should flirt with is your partner. There's nothing wrong with having male or female friends, but there are boundaries that shouldnt be crossed.

I hope all is well MoodyKerry.

Absolutely. I have seen it too.

This woman was trying to worm her way into this couple's relationship so that she could be said to be 'friends' with both of them and then it would be acceptable for her to visit the husband or him to visit her without their respective partners being there. (He was married, she was co-habiting).

The man had known this woman for twenty years, since she was eleven, she was over twenty years younger than him. He had been married all the time she had known him.

Anyway they started exchanging inappropriate e-mails and texts, meeting for drinks etc. His wife came across some of the e-mails and challenged him. He was devastated, came to his senses and instantly cut off all contact with this woman.

She only had the cheek to turn up at the door, give the wife (who answered the door) a huge smile and ask if the husband was in! She was soon sent off with a flea in her ear.

She e-mailed him and texted him many times after that, which he just ignored.

Apparently she had done the same to several older married men (her partner was 30 years older than her) and had full-blown affairs with most of them.

Anyway, the couple's relationship was mended and is now stronger than ever, but just to point out that some people are very predatory and it is asking for trouble to try to have any sort of 'friendship' with them, because that isn't what they want.

I hope everything has worked out OK for the OP.