meeting husbands female friend!

moodykerry

Hello all! I can't believe all the treads on this subject, taking me over an hour to read them all!

Well this is what happened.
Before the bbq had started, i was at the sink washing up and I just started to quietly cry , my hubby came up behind me and gave me a hug, then I started to bawl lol, he didn't know what was wrong, so I told him, he was shocked that it had affected me so badly and he was really sorry. He sad he had no interest in her in that way at all, and he had invited her so I could see that she was just a normal mate. In fact she doesn't have many friends and she never has much too do at the weekend, and he felt a bit sorry for her. So he cancelled the bbq, I didn't ask him too. Then I felt really bad, I felt like a right prat, and I felt sorry for her as it got cancelled at the last minute. So I said maybe she could come round some other day. I do wish she had come round now, just so I could see what she was like.
I can't say I am 100% happy on this situation now but I do feel a lot more secure in my marriage. I think I may of over reacted a bit but I can't help how I felt at the time. It will still be very odd when I do meet her, and I will have my eyes peeled. If I see nothing that worries me I will be happy for them to be friends, if I see something I don't like, well I'm not sure.
Anyway, thankyou all for your input, I can't believe the response!
Thanks
Kerry

SeptemberBaby_2

Oh Kerry, so glad you are OK. We have been worried about you! x

Rachie_B

moodykerry wrote: »

Hello all! I can't believe all the treads on this subject, taking me over an hour to read them all!

Well this is what happened.
Before the bbq had started, i was at the sink washing up and I just started to quietly cry , my hubby came up behind me and gave me a hug, then I started to bawl lol, he didn't know what was wrong, so I told him, he was shocked that it had affected me so badly and he was really sorry. He sad he had no interest in her in that way at all, and he had invited her so I could see that she was just a normal mate. In fact she doesn't have many friends and she never has much too do at the weekend, and he felt a bit sorry for her. So he cancelled the bbq, I didn't ask him too. Then I felt really bad, I felt like a right prat, and I felt sorry for her as it got cancelled at the last minute. So I said maybe she could come round some other day. I do wish she had come round now, just so I could see what she was like.
I can't say I am 100% happy on this situation now but I do feel a lot more secure in my marriage. I think I may of over reacted a bit but I can't help how I felt at the time. It will still be very odd when I do meet her, and I will have my eyes peeled. If I see nothing that worries me I will be happy for them to be friends, if I see something I don't like, well I'm not sure.
Anyway, thankyou all for your input, I can't believe the response!
Thanks
Kerry

So glad you / things are "ok"
you didnt over react at all

sometimes (some!) men need things spelling out to them before they realise what they are doing ! lol

Hope you had a nice wkend,you and your family

Pink_butterfly_3

moodykerry wrote: »

Hello all! I can't believe all the treads on this subject, taking me over an hour to read them all!

Well this is what happened.
Before the bbq had started, i was at the sink washing up and I just started to quietly cry , my hubby came up behind me and gave me a hug, then I started to bawl lol, he didn't know what was wrong, so I told him, he was shocked that it had affected me so badly and he was really sorry. He sad he had no interest in her in that way at all, and he had invited her so I could see that she was just a normal mate. In fact she doesn't have many friends and she never has much too do at the weekend, and he felt a bit sorry for her. So he cancelled the bbq, I didn't ask him too. Then I felt really bad, I felt like a right prat, and I felt sorry for her as it got cancelled at the last minute. So I said maybe she could come round some other day. I do wish she had come round now, just so I could see what she was like.
I can't say I am 100% happy on this situation now but I do feel a lot more secure in my marriage. I think I may of over reacted a bit but I can't help how I felt at the time. It will still be very odd when I do meet her, and I will have my eyes peeled. If I see nothing that worries me I will be happy for them to be friends, if I see something I don't like, well I'm not sure.
Anyway, thankyou all for your input, I can't believe the response!
Thanks
Kerry

Thats great Kerry, it sounds like your husband just didn't know how much it was affecting you.

It sounds like he is just being nice to this woman, but he obviously cares about you and loves you as he cancelled it the second he realised it was really upsetting you.

seven-day-weekend

Hi Kerry, glad it worked out OK.

Can I make a suggestion though? Although your husband's motives are fine, you don't know what hers are, so until you do, if you are going to meet her, make sure it is in some sort of public place (like a bar) and not in the midst of your family. This keeps the relationship at a bit of a distance until you know what is what (and still gives her a night out if she is genuine).

Good luck!

poe.tuesday

glad you are ok kerry and no, you didn't over react - they are your emotions and your feelings and only you know how you feel

Ems*Honie

You didn't over react, that is how it made you feel, obe way or the other! Bless hubby bot realising, sounds a bit like mine. Maybe arrange a night out with a few of you, other mates not just her, then you have an excuse to be glam, not hampered (bless em) by the kids and more able to join in. That way you'll get to meet her at your say so and if you dont like her or the way she is with hubby you and Mr can booger off home together

Really glad your ok, I've been there and things went further for me and it is a horrible feeling!!

Thanks for posting back, and take care xxx

Curious_George_2

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Can I make a suggestion though? Although your husband's motives are fine, you don't know what hers are, so until you do, if you are going to meet her, make sure it is in some sort of public place (like a bar) and not in the midst of your family. This keeps the relationship at a bit of a distance until you know what is what (and still gives her a night out if she is genuine).

id say this is a great suggestion,
if it is all on the level and you really do want to meet her then i think the best thing is to go out for a drink, dont invite her to your house, dont be in a situation where you have to introduce her to your kids because even if you think your ok with it something as simple as seeing one of your babies get on really well with her could bother you no end, you dont want to say anything but you cant stand watching it happen either so you just end up feeling like a bit of an idiot!!
going for a getting to know you drink could be ok, especially if you 'accidently' bump into a single male friend or if you all went out in a group,
you are likely to feel a bit less territorial and your home has been kept out of it!
but please PLEASE dont do the "MY husband this..." "MY hubby that" bit, she knows who you are and its like watching a dog marking his territory, you might as well wee up your mans leg the second the woman comes into view!
it can look really desperate and insecure (and a point from the other side....its also hilarious to watch when there is absolutley no way you could be interested in the bloke in question but the wife/girlf obviously feels threatened by every female who speaks to him! and it can really make you wonder how strong their relationship could be that she feels the need to do this)

black-saturn

I'm not saying your OH is doing this but some men do this to make their women feel insecure even though they would never go with the other woman. They do it to make their gf/wife 'keep on their toes'. Usually when a woman has a hunch that something is wrong there usually is.

My ex used to have this woman come round on certain days of the week to 'check up on the dog' while he was at work. They were always texting each other in a flirty way too. I didn't think anything of it until I went to a new years eve party of his family and she was there. She hung around with us all night and I was the one who felt like the gooseberry. They had their own private jokes and were really affectionate with each other. Then when it was time to sing 'aud land sein' (sp?) he sang it with her while I stood there on my own. When I mentioned it to him he said that she was just a good friend and I was being paranoid. Then once I went round his when he was in and she was there too 'looking after the dog' and I caught him oggling at her in tight shorts. Then there was a while where I didn't hear anything more about her so I didn't bring the subject up so as not to cause an argument. We eventually split up over a series of things I just couldnt put my finger on like suspecting he'd had affairs (an not only with women either) but never being able to 100% prove it. Then I met him again in a pub by accident about 6 months later and he confessed to me that he was having it off with 'the woman who looked after the dog' in a casual way all along. Turns out she just wanted a bit of fun and he was the one she wanted it with. So my hunch was right all along and probably right about all the others too. Seems like the only dog she was looking after was herself!!!

Gingham_Ribbon

black-saturn wrote: »

Personally I wouldnt put up with it and I would have knocked it on the head well before now.

How? She's told him she doesn't feel comfortable with it. That should be enough for it to stop imo. So if he continues with it, how does someone knock it on the head?