meeting husbands female friend!

MATH

burnoutbabe wrote: »

so as a single woman it appears that once a mate gets married, the whole tone of your friendship must change. sad really.

errr no... not sad just an adjustment to the fact the they have chosen to get married to someone who isn't YOU. They could have asked you to marry them but didn't therefore any necessary changes to the friendship are of their making. You have to take a back seat and if the wife isn't hapy about your friednship continuing - no seat at all.

burnoutbabe

SoozieSoo wrote: »

I don’t think men are evil, but they are ruled pretty much by what is in their trousers. Take my husband for example. He has all the time in the world for my female friends who I assume he fancies. The ones that he doesn’t barely get a grunt out of him. I find the same with my friend’s husbands. You can tell the ones that fancy me as they are ever so nice. The ones that don’t barley acknowledge me.

I have had lots of male friends when I was younger. Every single one of them has made a pass at me (including my husband!) one or two even after I got with my husband. Turns out none of them were really my friend after all. I am certainly no looker, so it isn't because I am some kind of hot babe.

sounds as though you have a pretty cyincal view of people.

I imagine most of my male friends would probably not say no if i offered and they were single. Doesn't mean they are not friends. surely the basis for a good relationship is some friendship there and not just physical attraction?

burnoutbabe

MATH wrote: »

errr no... not sad just an adjustment to the fact the they have chosen to get married to someone who isn't YOU. They could have asked you to marry them but didn't therefore any necessary changes to the friendship are of their making. You have to take a back seat and if the wife isn't hapy about your friednship continuing - no seat at all.

why would they marry me, we're mates

lets hope all these people here don't ever find themselves single as suddenly, all your mates may not want you anywhere near their husbands, you'd get uninvited to all social events as you are the predatory female who may take their man.

I do actually pick mates who would put foot down if told by their wife who they can and can;t be friends with. wouldn't be the type of person i'd have much in common with anyway.

Zoetoes

I spoke to my OH about this this morning, his immediate response was 'he's probably sha@ging her then'.

He also said he thinks it's totally inappropriate to invite a woman from work on her own.

I have learnt that mens minds are very different to womens (basing this on men I know), for example, when a woman says she thinks a bloke is nice looking but she doesn't fancy him, it means she thinks a bloke is nice looking but she doesn't fancy him!

When a bloke says he thinks a woman is nice looking it means he fancies her!

This information I got from a bloke so I asked others who said that is how they think too.

lewt

just a thought what if this lady's a lezza?

gelato_cat

I'm with all the people who think that if one half the marriage isn't happy with what the other half is doing, the behaviour should stop. I think this should also apply to long-term relationships which aren't marriages.

I know men and women can be friends - fine. Good for you if you like flirting with your mates and nobody minds. Personally I wouldn't, and I wouldn't expect my boyfriend/husband to do it either.

I also agree with those who think it's a bit unnatural to flirt with colleagues outside of work as well. I must admit I'm struggling to see what people get out of it, actually.

I hope Kerry is OK, she sounded really hurt yesterday.

Suze

sticher

Have to agree with you Zoeleigh.

I do actually pick mates who would put foot down if told by their wife who they can and can;t be friends with. wouldn't be the type of person i'd have much in common with anyway. burnoutbabe

So would you be happy knowing that one of your friends was upsetting his wife by seeing you?

I can understand your way of thinking, I did use to think men and women could be friends in the way you mean but I have been proved wrong for so many years now. I have had many male friends and if any one of them had put seeing me before his wifes feelings (for those that were married), I would know for sure that they fancied me, lol.

Oh and I am now single after many years and even my sister has implied that she enjoys my company (and I know my bil does, but that's another story), but her hubby needs company too to socialise with - meaning male company.

gelato_cat

I agree with him - and also the other posters who said that the husband may be using this as an excuse to say later on that "she's OUR friend, not MY friend" etc.

Suze

zoeleigh wrote:

I spoke to my OH about this this morning, his immediate response was 'he's probably sha@ging her then'.

He also said he thinks it's totally inappropriate to invite a woman from work on her own.

vik6525

To my way of thinking at least... If you're in a happy, safe, loving, comfortable, secure relationship, then it really doesnt matter which sex yours, or your other halfs friends are. The two of you have made a romatic commitment to EACH OTHER. You've chosen to be that persons mate, in sickness, health, wealth and poverty. Your friends are simply that, your friends. You have chosen to commit to each other.
If you are not secure in that relationship, and percieve everyone outside of it as a threat, then the problem is in your relationship, not with outsiders.
I would never dream of telling anyone who they could/could not be friends with. Im secure enough in myself that when I have a partner, I dont care who they are mates with. If someone is with me, then theyve made that choice to be with me, and I respect that.
All the people on here who seem to want their partners to be friends with who they want them to, to my mind at least, have 'control' issues. A marriage or a relationship should not mean living in a bubble of just the two of you.
If someone is going to cheat, then they will do it, be it with their 'flirty mate', the woman down the pub, the lollipop lady or the next door neighbour.

sticher

I imagine most of my male friends would probably not say no if i offered and they were single. Doesn't mean they are not friends.
A friend to me has no interest in me s*xually. If there is a sexual interest, then that complicates things. Would you want to be friends with a lady who had a s*xual interest in your boyfriend?