meeting husbands female friend!

vik6525

SoozieSoo wrote: »

A "mate" would have made sure he got home safely to his wife. A married man should in bed with his wife, not sleeping on a single girls lap.

Out of interest have you ever been married vik? You seem to have very little concept of boundries within a marriage and why they are needed.

Gotta be honest, I find that comment really offensive... Hes my friend, I looked after him, as i said, his wife was incredibly grateful that I a) Looked after him and got him home (i live in the centre of town, he lives miles away) so he was safe, and not wandering round town drunk looking for a taxi/kebab/whatever and b) that i let him kip here cause she didnt want him going home, spending £20 on a taxi and waking everyone up!

You seem to be of the opinion that because hes a man, and im a single woman that there *must* be alterior motives. Well let me tell you. theres not. Hes my FRIEND. He has been for a long time. And now shes my friend too because shes married to him.
If he was a she, would you find it weird? For example, if one of my married female friends stayed here the night, would you find that equally terrible? I dont think so....

And in answer to your question, yes, I have been married. We were very happy, but very young. We divorced not because either of us had an affair, but because we grew up and simply didnt love each other any more. But he and I are still very very good friends. In fact, he also was here last night. We're like brother and sister now...

Jet

I've been in the OP situation twice now and it's not a nice place to be.

It does all depend on the context and I think you have to trust your gut instincts. Both ex's admitted that although they didn't have any "feelings" for their female "friends" but they knew that the female "friends" wanted more from them. What a huge ego boost for these guys! And what a rejection for me, especially when they would spend time with these women rather than me. First ex couldnt help himself and had a history of adultery etc. (I should have known!), second ex had a "special" friend and although I did trust him, I was not comfortable with him spending cosy evenings at hers watching DVD's while I sat at home alone!

There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, but it is wrong do things that are not respectful to your partner.

Jet

lynzpower wrote: »

Its one thing to RECIEVE a flirty text from someone outside of the relationship - after all you cannot legislate for other peoples behaviour- but if I had flirted back- I expect my relationship would be game over.

Why SHOULD you trust someone who is openly doing somethng to undermine the respect and the vows you have made? trust should be earned not dished out indiscriminately.

My ex told me that it wasn't his fault that he received all these texts from all these women. Things got so bad in the end after years and years of this and I found myself checking his phone, computer etc. and I found the evidence I needed.

I didn't finish it because of the what he had sent, I finished it because he had lied to me about his relationships with these women.

sticher

vik6525 and burnoutbabe out of interest can I ask whether you 'fancy' (or have in the past) your male friends.

If the answer is NO, then I believe this is why you have been able to remain friends. I think if a woman fancies a man and they spend time together, it very often leads to something more.

I am not suggesting men have no say in the matter, but I have yet to find a man who, as one said to me, 'when offered s*x on a plate' from someone they like, would refuse.

I have had male friends in the past and it turned out that each one of them wanted more.

Funny thing is I have the opposite situation to OP now. I have met a lady and become very good friends with her. She keeps inviting me out with her and her husband (her hubby has told me he has no problem with this). I have gone when there were either more people or its a concert or whatever, but feel uncomfortable with going out for a meal with them - don't really know why.

Rachie_B

burnoutbabe wrote: »

She may well be just like many single women whose mates are all now married/have kids and an invite to a BBQ at the weekend is actually a nice thing to look forward to if no other plans.

I would agree if it was not for the "flirty" text messages.

Its not even so much the fact that he is being flirty ,some people dont mind that in their relationship ,everyone is different

But the fact that the OP told her OH she was unhappy about his behaviour, and he still continues to do it AND then invites said woman to a family BBQ ? ..........

Thats what would annoy / upset me Total lack of respect for her and her feelings IMO

SoozieSoo

vik6525 wrote: »

You seem to be of the opinion that because hes a man, and im a single woman that there *must* be alterior motives. Well let me tell you. theres not. Hes my FRIEND. He has been for a long time. And now shes my friend too because shes married to him.
If he was a she, would you find it weird? For example, if one of my married female friends stayed here the night, would you find that equally terrible? I dont think so....

Ok lets put it another way. As a single woman do you not feel the need to protect yourself from accusations from wives or the risk of a man getting too heavy? I have been on the receiving end of accusations from an angry wife. Nothing happened between me and her husband, but because we had been seen drinking alone in the local pub she found the need to harass me for several months.

Even if I was single, I would not put myself in a position with a married man where the wife could get the wrong idea. I have also been on the receiving end of unwanted attention from men and would rather not have to put myself in the position of fighting off some bloke.

I am sure your intentions are entirely innocent, but you must have been very lucky not to have had any grief from wives/ girlfriends or never had an unwanted pass from a man you thought was a friend.

sammyy

Read this thread with interest and I do think men and women can be friends but I think what is important here is what is the norm in the OP marriage.It doesn't sound if this is the way her husband would normally behave and that is the reason she is getting worried.If her husband had female friends and behaved like that with all of them then I think she would have nothing to worry about but it would seem that this behaviour is new so personally I think she has every reason to be on her guard

gingercordial

OP, how did it go?

vik6525

SoozieSoo wrote: »

Ok lets put it another way. As a single woman do you not feel the need to protect yourself from accusations from wives or the risk of a man getting too heavy? I have been on the receiving end of accusations from an angry wife. Nothing happened between me and her husband, but because we had been seen drinking alone in the local pub she found the need to harass me for several months.

Even if I was single, I would not put myself in a position with a married man where the wife could get the wrong idea. I have also been on the receiving end of unwanted attention from men and would rather not have to put myself in the position of fighting off some bloke.

I am sure your intentions are entirely innocent, but you must have been very lucky not to have had any grief from wives/ girlfriends or never had an unwanted pass from a man you thought was a friend.

never been accused of anything! ever! I used to be one of only 2 women who worked in an oil refinery full of blokes! We used to cheeky banter all day (it was almost part of the job!) but no wife or girlfiend has ever come on to me weilding a rolling pin and telling me to 'stay away from her man'!
If you knew me, then you'd know that im absolutly no threat, and have never ever been percieved as such!

vik6525

sticher wrote: »

vik6525 and burnoutbabe out of interest can I ask whether you 'fancy' (or have in the past) your male friends.

If the answer is NO, then I believe this is why you have been able to remain friends. I think if a woman fancies a man and they spend time together, it very often leads to something more.

I am not suggesting men have no say in the matter, but I have yet to find a man who, as one said to me, 'when offered s*x on a plate' from someone they like, would refuse.

I have had male friends in the past and it turned out that each one of them wanted more.

Funny thing is I have the opposite situation to OP now. I have met a lady and become very good friends with her. She keeps inviting me out with her and her husband (her hubby has told me he has no problem with this). I have gone when there were either more people or its a concert or whatever, but feel uncomfortable with going out for a meal with them - don't really know why.

eeeeeeewwwwwwww..... never!