Should I tell her?

Wellyboots6

'I nearly embarrassed myself the other day when I was at that hotel. Nearly went up to a couple who I thought were you and your husband to say 'hi' only I realised just in time that you don't have blonde/brown/red hair!'

consultant31

What sort of a friend keeps secrets like this? How could you possibly behave normally around your friend while having knowledge like this in the back of your mind?

I wouldn't consider my friend to be a good friend if they kept something like this from me. I'm sure it would be hard to hear, but why would your initial reaction be think your friend was lying to you?

Tell her the facts (gently) and be a good, honest friend.

smartpicture

I have a friend whose husband constantly cheats on her, although in other ways he treats her well and I do believe he loves her. When I first found out, I engineered a conversation with her round to cheating in general, and asked if she would want to be told if her husband was cheating. She very emphatically said no, she would not want to know. So I shut up.

Not sure if she guessed I was trying to tell her something or not, but some people just don't want to know.

Tropez

neneromanova wrote: »

Yeah but they didn't go for dinner, they got a room...

It isn't entirely uncommon for people having out of office business meetings to get rooms at a hotel in order to work in a quieter area.

However, with that said, the fact the man in this scenario allegedly fibbed about his whereabouts and plans for the day is a concern.

Hopelass

Hi OP

My dad cheated on my mum, many many years ago when I was 18 months old. When my mum found out by seeing it with her own eyes, she was mortified to find out that most of her/their friends knew but had turned a blind eye. She felt betrayed by them as well Not only did my dad get the boot but also all the friends who knew but didn't say anything......it's a very difficult one.

Personally I would want to be told by a trusted friend and although may be shocked, I wouldn't dream of blaming that friend and would be grateful for a shoulder to cry on....

Laura-

Hi everyone. Thanks for all your responses and suggestions.

My friend is coming over tomorrow to help me with something so I'm hoping to have a chat with her about it then.

I completely understand why some people are advising against telling her but, after reading through your replies, I've come to realise that she definitely deserves to know (even if there is a perfectly logical/innocent explanation). As I said before, I'm not going to accuse him of anything. I am just going to say what I saw.

Thanks once again for your advice.

RadoJo

Apart from anything, if he is cheating on her he could be putting her at risk of STDs - if she caught something off him which made her really ill or rendered her infertile, you would never forgive yourself for keeping it to yourself. Good luck - it won't be easy but it's the right thing to do.

Saturnalia

I was about to say definitely don't speak to the husband first, as if he is cheating it gives him time to come up with a story to cover his backside.

Wife definitely deserves to be told by a friend. I've been cheated on before and the most hurtful part is discovering that you were the last to know and everyone else has been in the know behind your back. It's devastating, humiliating and breaks your trust in everyone.

There could be an innocent explanation - work colleague arrived from another office, husband picked her up from the station and took her to the hotel before going golfing, they looked cosy as they've worked together a lot before, she's from a culture that is more touchy-felly between platonic friends... but only the husband can explain that one.

FizzledOut

Let us know what happens. You seem really sensible and caring about your friend so I probably shouldn't put this, but I'm gonna anyway .... This is real life, not an episode of Eastenders; your friend might not react in a way you may expect, just be calm, don't overdo the drama etc. Perhaps, if you can, tell her without looking at her in the face so she can have some way of hiding the shock or upset. I found when my son was having a hard time at school it was easier to talk in the car, rather than sit down face to face. Just a suggestion, good luck, and I think you are a good friend.

jtr2803

Just a thought....

He said he was going golfing with his Dad? Well, does his wife never see his parents? Surely she would ask if he enjoyed his golfing day/weekend with his son? Unless we are assuming Dad is happy to be his alibi........