Should I tell her?

[Deleted User]

Hi,

Laura- wrote: »

I was attending a work-related conference at a local hotel. I'd arrived quite early so I was waiting for my colleagues in the bar next to the reception area. After a few minutes, I looked up from my phone to see my friend's husband checking in with another woman. I found this a bit weird as I'd spoken to my friend about an hour earlier and she said he was out playing golf with his dad.

would've thought if he was doing a bit of extra marital, he wouldn't use a local hotel.

amyloofoo

[Deleted User] wrote:

Hi,



would've thought if he was doing a bit of extra marital, he wouldn't use a local hotel.

You'd be amazed at how stupid some people can be when they're cheating...

krlyr

[Deleted User] wrote:

Hi,



would've thought if he was doing a bit of extra marital, he wouldn't use a local hotel.

I suppose local people don't tend to book in to local hotels though!

loveasale

Blimey! I'm busting to know what friend said , what reaction was and what's the next steps.
I told a friend once, her BF wriggled his way out if it , and for a few months I was the baddie, but the truth will always out. A few month after he was at it again , this time with one of our ther friends and my friend found out / saw it with her own eyes so there was no escape !
I'm glad I told her

meer53

I've been the OP's friend in this situation. My ex was having an affair and lots of people knew. No-one told me because they didn't want to hurt me.

Well, all i can say is, there is no bigger hurt than finding out that your ex has been cheating on you for 6 months and knowing that your "friends" knew and didn't say anything. It's like being betrayed. By everyone.

Laura, you MUST tell your friend what you saw. If she decides she doesn't want you as a friend anymore after that, then at least your conscience will be clear. A true friend would do this.

Ettenna

After my ex had his last affair I found out that some of my friends knew about his one night stand he had about 10 years previously. And they knew about other liaisons he had. And a lot of people knew about his last, longer term affair. I was extremely upset that I wasn't told. I had my suspicions but never had any concrete proof. If I had know, I would have left him years ago and saved myself years of hurt, and also saved my children.

She needs to know. What she does with the information is up to her.

Primrose

I think Meer & Ettenna make the point very clearly that you cannot save your friend the hurt that the revelation will cause her but if she ever finds out that you knew and said nothing she will suffer a double betrayal -by her husband and again by her friend. But if she knows, that will at least put her in the driving seat and empower her by giving her an advantage in deciding how she wants to deal with the issue and work things out in her mind before she confronts her husband.

zoesmummy_2006

after my ex left my cousins husband said he thought he'd seen him with a girl in his lorry a few weeks before but didnt want to say anything to upset me. I couldnt be angry with them cos I knew they were just trying to protect me and they were there for me 100% when he left and it turned out he was seeing someone else as I had suspected. It also turned out that my exes then best mate and his wife knew he was seeing her ( was the best mates wifes little sister!!!!) and they said nothing. Im still friends with them and they cut him off as they saw his behaviour was appalling-but only after the lil sister was hurt by him too!

If I was ever to be in the same situation again I would want my friends to tell me and they know that, Ive made it clear to them. And i'd do the same for them as I know how it feels to find out everyone else knows before you.

I dont agree with the talking to the husband, why give him the opportunity to lie some more or come up with an excuse to cover his back, go straight to your friend. I know its gonna be a horrible conversation to have, but if shes a true friend she'll appreciate your honesty and believe you. Take some chocolate/wine to cheer her up slighty too xx

steerpike

Having been the trusting wife of a cheating husband in the past - I wish I'd know sooner . . . my ex was doing regular unpaid overtime most nights for about a year but was actually taking his girl friend around the local restaurants and night clubs. The same restaurants & night clubs frequented by my work colleagues/friends who saw and recognised him but no-one had the courage to tell me. When I did find out - it was awful - apart from his betrayal, I felt so humiliated that everyone knew but me.

Please tell her

Hermia

amyloofoo wrote: »

You'd be amazed at how stupid some people can be when they're cheating...

I know two men who took their mistresses into their workplace where their wives also dropped in regularly. It wasn't long before someone innocently made a comment to the wife ("Was that your sister who popped in yesterday? She seemed nice" kind of thing).