Should I tell her?

ellies_angel

Drove me nuts after I split up with my ex, the amount of people who told me they had seen him with other woman while we were married.
I would much rather have been told. He was hardly disreet and I felt such a mug. One person did, I thanked her and with that knowledge waited until the time was right for me and said goodbye

Alleycat

I'm another one who would have to tell the friend. As balletshoes says, don't judge or make assumptions. Just tell her what you saw. It might be mistaken identity but equally it might not.

If it was tables turned, I would want a friend to tell me if they saw my husband checking into a hotel with another woman. Especially if they already knew that he was supposed to be playing golf elsewhere.

Janey3

Many moons ago, my ex was messing about with women but I was so head over heels in love I didn't notice what was going on and when the fat hit the fire it turned out that my friend and neighbour knew what was going on but she never told me. I wish she had told me and I felt upset that she didn't. My neighbour and I are still friends some 30 years down the line and we've all moved on, but I've never fogotten.

FizzledOut

Tell your friend, gently and without dramas or over emphasation. This is where I was, this is what I saw.

I think the worst time of my life was last Christmas, when my husband was ignoring me, openly contemptuous of me while we were on our own, yet perfectly normal around friends and family. It really screwed with my head. Made sense when I found out he was spending all his time texting and calling another woman. You don't and can't guess what goes on behind closed doors. Give your friend the facts as you saw it and have a tissue to hand in case she had no idea. Don't play games with him in front of her, that's humiliating. You are her mate, she's your priority.

krlyr

FizzledOut wrote: »

It really screwed with my head.

This is why I would I would tell her. My dad had several affairs and my mum has said one of the worst parts of it was the mental side of things, suspecting but having no one to back her up (and my dad would play on that). Finding out they had really happened was a relief in the sense that she knew she wasn't imagining all the little signs!

Not anywhere near as serious a relationship but a friend told me that he'd seen an ex of mine making a move on a girl at a party and I was very grateful to be told. It's quite embarrassing when your partner is known to be seeing someone else by everyone but you!

bugslet

Many years ago a male colleague told me that my OH was messing around. He'd talked it over with his wife, who said he should say soemthing. As it happened, I had a few days earlier worked it out for myself but was looking for more proof that he couldn't explain away before dealing with the situation.

If I hadn't already known for sure, then it would have helped confirm my doubts. If I really had been blind to him playing away, I don't know how I'd have reacted.

You could possibly bring the conversation round as a hypothetical scenario and ask in such and such a circumstance would she want to know if her OH was misbehaving and see what she says. Might not be the greatest of ideas, on the other hand it could give you some pointers as to how she would view it.

But i agree with one of the other posters who said, mention it as you would have if you had seen him in a supermarket.

destitute7

I've been in the same situation, I however told my friend her bf was cheating, she never believed me, to this day we don't speak at all.
I'm glad I told her, as I always imagine if it was me being cheated on, I'd want to know.

I lost a friendship out of it, but I can at least say my conscience is clear

VitaK

Tell her what you saw without drawing any conclusions. Most would want to know.

Imagine the fallout if you don't tell her and he confesses and tell her he saw you there.

choccybuttons

I would text her and do the thing other poster suggested that u saw someone id to her hubby at x hotel, weird eh. Wouldn't even mention golf thing as that implies u think its him.

Joons

I honestly think how you tell her is irrelevant, all these scenarios about say this, say that, don't bother, just next time you see her say I saw your husband in the hotel I was working in, he was with a female I didn't recognise, that is it, nothing else, nothing to add on or leave out.