Unplanned Pregnancy - need advice.

misspenny

i was really confused when i found out i was pregnant (with my now 7 1/2 month old)i knew i didn't want an abortion but toyed with the idea of adoption, at 13 weeks i had a pv bleed and thought i was losing my baby it was then i realised how much i wanted him, seing him wriggeling about on the screen did it for me

sarahmoon_2

You are not abnormal. I found out in January that I was expecting again. I hated being pregnant up until my scan. As soon as I saw the baby and the heartbeat that was it for me. I still have days when I think what am I doing?? Can I cope etc but the thought of a little life inside me keeps me going. I'm about 21 weeks now and its kicking away as I type.

Also with my son I never bonded with him immediately when he was born. He was rushed back into hospital at four weeks old and I kind of switched off (went numb) fearing the worst. He is now a strapping six year old that I love to bits (even on his bad days!!)

Carmina_Piranha_3

my first baby wasn't planned and although i wanted to keep him i don't think i ever felt 'mumsy' until he arrived. i felt no urge to talk about babies with other people, i didn't look at babies, wasn't interested in names and let my mum choose his name, i switched off when other people talked about giving birth or being pregnant - just had no interest in it. i didn't buy any magazines either, although i read the stuff the midwife gave me.

when the midwife first found his heartbeat i turned to absolute mush and cried, quite embarrassing and it was the same at the scans, but even though i wanted MY baby i felt no interest in anyone else's. i bought second hand clothes, my sis bought the bath and my family clubbed together to get a pram which my sis liked - she didn't have any children at that time but one of her friends had a baby. i wasn't interested in shopping for him, just used whatever i got second hand.

completely different with my second child, perhaps because he was planned.

it's all still quite new and you will be in shock. sorry if this offends anybody but an unplanned baby is a huge shock.

Penny_Watcher

beakerange wrote: »

Your experiences/thoughts are much appreciated - especially since I'm starting to feel a bit abnormal now:(

(((((hugs)))))

:rolleyes: Nooooooo. There's no such thing as 'normal'. How ever you feel is normal for you You're still very early days yet. You're a mature woman slowly coming to terms with a decision that has changed you and your OH's life for ever. Of course you're worried. That's perfectly normal. In your circumstances I'd feel the same way.

I really started to feel pregnant with my kids after I'd seen them on a scan. Before then I just felt sick and fat and tired and fat and moody and sick (did I mention fat? ) Even then it was only when I began to feel the babies moving that it eventually dawned on me that I was growing a new life inside me and I began to get the maternal feelings starting.

The first three months of pregnancy can be absolute hell on earth . Your body is getting used to the little Space Invader that has set up home in your womb and is trying to turn your whole world upside down. Obviously it's not the same for everybody (some lucky ladies bloom from the moment of conception but not me).

Slowly (from about 4 months) I started to feel much better. My mood lifted and life was OK again. I looked pregnant and felt pregnant rather than looking fat and feeling sick and moody. But even then I wasn't I wasn't particularly excited . I just had a growing feeling of contentment (which was very nice. )

So cutting through the waffle - what I'm trying to say is YOU ARE NORMAL and try not to worry. Worrying is like a rocking chair, a lot of effort but it gets you nowhere.

Penny_Watcher

Carmina_Piranha wrote: »

but even though i wanted MY baby i felt no interest in anyone else's.

it's all still quite new and you will be in shock. sorry if this offends anybody but an unplanned baby is a huge shock.

^^^^^ Very good points. I completely agree.

belfastgirl23

I have no expertise or experiencein this at all but from what i hear everyone feels quite different so whatever you feel/think is normal for you Don't spend time worrying about being abnormal, just accept it for what it is and have faith that you'll manage when the time comes...you always have so far!

And lots of luck!!

Justie

our baby was planned (in that we were 'trying') and is wanted but it all happened quicker than we imagined and with all the hormones etc it's been very up and down. We told close friends the day we found out - partly cos we were so scared - and they were over the moon. We were more shellshocked. We told family at 5 1/2 weeks as it was Christmas and it was obvious something was going on as I wasn't drinking. Again much delight from everyone and much vacantness from us. By the 12 week scan it was more real but baby was called 'the alien' or 'the parasite' or 'the alien parasite' as that's pretty much how I felt about it: this thing was taking over my body and I no longer had any control.

By the 12 week scan it was more real and easier to be positive but it was only really at the 20 week scan that I *felt* happy about being pregnant and at ease with it all. I still have days now where I want my body back but I think that's normal

I'm still not sure I'm ready for an actual baby and thankfully have another 4 months to think about that bit but I've now come to terms with being pregnant.

Give yourself time. And as has been said by someone else just cos I'm pregnant doesn't mean I like other people's babies... even though they're regularly thrust at me in a 'here you need to practice' kind of way :rolleyes:

izoomzoom

Hiya

I am on my third pg and it has been unplanned, and I do not feel at all like I did with my two previous pg, which were planned.

I have my scan tomorrow, and to be honest I 'say' I am excited, but I am not really, not like I was with my boys.

I feel like my whole life has changed. I have to stay in my job now, instead of getting a different one (I have to work evenings, and weekends which I hate), and I hope I will be better at staying at home with this baby than I was with my boys, as I couldn't wait to get back to work.

I adore my boys, I really do, and I am sure I will come to love this baby, but I just don't feel anything yet.

I think you are perfectly normal.

*faith*_2

Even with a planned pregnancy you can still feel that way. Sometimes it doesn't kick in when you have baby. But then somewhere down the line it happens. It can be anywhere for anyone, from conception, to the first smile. But it normally does happen. Try to relax as worrying about whether or not you feel maternal won't do anything to help. Keep calm and relaxed, you are anything but abnormal.

Everyone feels abnormal about things and you feel you are the only one, but you arn't trust me.

dollop

hi youll be fine im 6 months now and still not taken it in lol am just going through the motions sad but true,but i know as soon as that babies born i will feel totally diffrent as you will.good luck xx