Unplanned Pregnancy - need advice.

beakerange

Good morning all,

I found out I was pregnant on Saturday and I'm in a hell of a state.
So I need to advice from you good people.
I'm 30 (hubby 35) so you'd think it was a "good age" (in fact the doctor suggested I was knocking on a bit!!!). I've never been maternal and we only got married last month!!
I really don't know what do. The doctor was very good and has told me to ring him with a decision when I've made it.
I'm terrified of having it as I think I'll be a useless mother but a termination seems bad too.
Is it right to have it when neither of us are exactly "over the moon" about and have so many doubts?

Any advice / experience would be very mcuh appreciated.

Judi101

I havent got any great advice but just big hugs for you. And ignore the doctor, I was 33 when I had my first and my second will (hopefully) be born 1 month after I am 35. My first pregnancy was brill, no pregnancy symptoms at all. Having a baby is a big commitment, turn your life upside down and you feel shattered for the first 6 months. But I have loved every minute of it. I havent laughed as much in my life as I have since my DD came along. Good luck with your decision.

seraphin_2

Poor you, its an orful situation to be in, firstly dont make any rash decisions at the moment, you need time to think and talk about this with your oh.

Did you plan on a family in the future, or is it something youve never wanted?. Im 35 and due next week, I was never maternal, and to be honest still arent, but I knew it was what we both wanted eventually.

Only you can make the right decision, dont feel guilty if you decide to have a termination, youve years ahead of you (stupid doctor, implying your getting on abit) I can tell you millions of 1st time mums (me included) are well over 30, so dont let that sway you either.

Good luck with what ever you decide.

sarah

oldMcDonald

I can't imagine how you must feel as I always knew I wanted children, and my babies have made my life complete, so I won't offer any advice as I honestly not in a position to.

I do have a question, though. You don't mention your partner in your post. Have you talked it over with him, and if so, what are his feelings? Is he totally for or against the idea of a baby? You may feel under pressure from him to decide a certain way, and be aware of this as, ultimately, it is up to you.

Hugs and thoughts to you, I hope that whatever you decide eventually leads to some calm for you.

dollop

around the 30s is a great age to have a chil,to be honest right you may not think it now,but if u carry on with your pregnancy once youve had the child youll never look back,where as in 20 years u might end up regretting the fact you never had any,im a mum of 3 boys,i found out i was pregnant not so long ago,it was a real big shock and to be quite honest and quite frank i diddnt want another one,i still dont feel good about it,but i know that as soon as ive had the baby that ill never look back,your maternal instincts will come,but on the other hand if you know you can live life without children,and that you really wouldnt make a good parent and you definately dont want to be a parent then go for termination,at the end of the day you have to make the decision that is best for you,i know this sounds sad but as much as i diddnt want this baby i know itll shine through in the end,and you dont know till youve tried something as to how your going to react,its a very hard decision,i do feel for you,the other thing you have to think about is if you have a termination how would you cope afterwards?theres all sorts of things to think about,but like i said the decision is yours and nobody can make it for you,i do wish you all the luck in the world because i kind of know how you feel and its an awfull postion to be stuck in,good luck xxx

oldMcDonald

As a P.S.

Even though I knew I wanted to have children, I also thought that I would be a useless mother - I think most women worry about that. Don't allow that thought to be the only thing that you base your decision on.

SeptemberBaby_2

Hi, many people have a 'wobble' when they find out they are pregnant, even when it is planned so please don't beat yourself up about it.

You don't say how far gone you are so your choices may be limited but I would suggest that you don't rush into anything until you have both decided whats best for your relationship. You have only just finished writing your wedding 'thank yous' and now you are contemplating 'birth announcements' so no wonder it has come as such a shock!

Clinics should offer counselling services so maybe you could ask your GP for a referral if you think that may help?

I really do wish you well xxx

Pink_butterfly_3

Hi

Firstly big hugs to you and your husband.

I know EXACTLY how you feel! I became pregnant with our first about two years ago. I was only 22 and although I was in a stable relationship (we were due to get married around the time the baby would be born), I was absolutely petrified.

I had never even held a baby at that point let alone knew anything about how to look after one. Plus the thought of giving birth made me break out into a cold sweat. We were living in a one bedroomed apartment at the time (we'd only been there three weeks at this point, just moved to the location and apartment of our dreams!) and I jut couldn't see how we'd cope.

We had talked about having kids one day but it was a wishy washy waayyyyy off in the future type thing. We thought alot about what we were going to do but in the end decided to go for it.

And I couldn't be happier that we did. I fell pregnant again just 5 months after having my first and i was feeling doubly petrified. How on earth was i going to cope with two babies!

The second i saw there little faces and held them in my arms i couldn't believe how much i loved them.

Motherhood is hard work but you'll get there. No-one starts off knowing everything. We all learn as we go along. You'll have a husband to support you and if i can do it then anyone can!!!

Broken_hearted

Take your time talk with your DH. You are at a great age to have children, its a shock but a nice one. Everyone panics at first being a mother for a lot of people comes easier than they though, plus their are loads of classes to help you learn before the birth.

super41

Don't make any rash decisions, you have lots of time to think this through. You are in a stable committed relationship so presumably will have discussed kids at some point with your OH. Depends what your decision was I guess. I think 30 is an ideal time to have children, you have some experience behind you. I just feel if you decide not to carry on with this pregnancy you will regret it later on. What would happen if later you found it hard to become pregnant or you had other babies and then realised what you'd lost?
Don't worry if you don't feel maternal/broody, loads of people don't. I certainly didn't when I was pregnant in fact hated the whole thing. But when you at last have your baby it is fantastic and nothing can ever describe the love you feel for that little person. I adore my baby but still don't go ga-ga over other babies!
Sometimes the best things aren't planned!

nats3006

Just to say congratulations it takes time to sink in that you are actually pregnant and by the time it has properly sunk in then its arrived lol!! i had my first at 16 and didnt think i would cope and he had an abnoramlity so ups and downs all the time but he is now 3 on sunday and doing perfectly fine and got another little one who is 5 months now (how time flys) you will be ok i know it changes your life but it changes it for the better IYKWIM
anyway good luck and keep us updated
nats
xx