Unplanned Pregnancy - need advice.

beakerange

Hello All,

Thank you for your replies. Just to clarify on a few questions. Although neither of us are candidartes for "Mother or Father Earth" we thought we may have 1 in 2 or 3 year's time. The only thing we thought was that we'd always find an excuse not be do it (either financial, ages, change in life style).
It's still very early days (5 to 6 weeks) and my hubby has been very good he's scared like me and will support whichever way I go. Interestingly it is my mum and dad who seems to be at the opposite ends of scale on this (mum thinks I shouldn't have it, dad thinks I should!)

nats3006

it is your choice and your husbands nobody else's no matter what other people say that is your little baby in there no matter how big or small it is! i honestly dont think you should have an abortion as it is the worst thing you will do believe me ( unfortunately) i got pregnant like 6 weeks later as i wish i had never had it done obviously not now as i wouldnt have my 2 babies but i honestly would not recommend one of those although people think its an easy option no its not you put that child there why expect to just get rid of it not having a go at OP but i wish i had never done it and honestly would never do it again as 2nd baby wasnt planned i thought you have to do it its there now you cant just think im getting rid!!
let us know what you decide!
nats
x

oldMcDonald

beakerange wrote: »

Hello All,

Thank you for your replies. Just to clarify on a few questions. Although neither of us are candidartes for "Mother or Father Earth" we thought we may have 1 in 2 or 3 year's time. The only thing we thought was that we'd always find an excuse not be do it (either financial, ages, change in life style).
It's still very early days (5 to 6 weeks) and my hubby has been very good he's scared like me and will support whichever way I go. Interestingly it is my mum and dad who seems to be at the opposite ends of scale on this (mum thinks I shouldn't have it, dad thinks I should!)

The way it looks to me after reading your post above is that you have fallen pregnant earlier than planned, had both wanted children but were not ready to decide when, and that your husband is as shocked by this as you!!

Don't listen to anyone else - mum, dad - this is just down to you and DH.

Personnally, I think it sounds like you are both panicing as it wasn't planned, and that once the shock wears off you will both be thrilled to bits:)

May I be the second on the thread to offer my congratulations

Justie

our baby is wanted and planned (although it all happened sooner than we expected) and yet we were still in a state of shock when we did the test and it was positive. It's only just sinking in now that I've had the 20 week scan that we're actually having a baby... :eek:

I had several GPs tell me as I reached 30 that I should 'get on with it' but now that I am pregnant at 33 everyone has been fine and presume that I know what I'm doing (erm wrong) and can cope (erm....).

Only you and your OH can know whether you want this baby or not, just don't feel inhuman that you don't have gushing feelings of this being the best thing that's ever happened to you. If you can talk to family and friends too then that will help but if you think you may terminate you need to trust that they'll be nonjudgemental about it.

If you do choose to terminate then doing it as soon as you can will be gentler on your body but if you need time to make the decision then take your time...


I don't think anyone thinks they'll be a good mum - I'm terrified I'll get it all wrong!

Whatever you decide be kind to each other, be honest and talk, talk and talk again. Big hugs :grouphug:

belfastgirl23

As someone who has never wanted kids I always thought if I got pregnant despite best efforts then I'd have to see it as an act of fate and go along with it. Luckily it hasn't happened though. Don't know if it helps you any to think like this though?

Good luck with it all, it must be a heck of a shock!

chickflick

Hi i was also scared of having children, but when i fell pregnant my boyfriend at the time dumped me so i had to do it all on my own, but i still went for it and even though my baby had a rare condition with his renal function i still made the decision to have my baby with no support and bieng homeless aswell, i went through all that, but i would nt change a thing. My baby is now 2 and half and i love him sooooooooo much even with his condition and with my new partner of two years helps me sooo much. I am very happy now, happier now then i have been for years.
Go for it girl we will help you out xxxxxxx

1sttimer_2

Congratulations - of course you must both be in shock -if you've not planned for it then there is no other way of feeling.

I was 29 when I got pregnant with DD1 - it wasn't planned but we had been married for 4 years and it was accepted by others that this was the naturaly progression of our marriage - NO IT WASN'T - I was terrified, we'd just moved house and had not a lot of money but abortion wasn't in our vocabulary so we just continued on our way. OH was made redundant just 3 months before the birth and so I returned to work for 6 months after dd was born but I missed her so much we decided to cut our cloth according to our needs and I became a SAHM. We struggled financially for years but it was the best thing EVER. OH was more terrified/upset more than me (he tells me years later) he's such a big softie now and loves both our girls so much (now 25 & 22) it was definitely the right choice for us.

Good luck in your decision, whatever you decided, you both have to talk it through.

Penny_Watcher

I have 3 children, 2 of which were unplanned.

I fell pregnant with my DD1(25) when I was in the 6th form at school and planning to go to Uni. It really knocked the wind out of my sails. I panicked. But as the old saying goes "If life gives you lemons - make lemonade!"

12 years later I again fell pregnant with my son by surprise. I seriously considered abortion. I was 30 at the time, had a good job, DD was becoming more independent, I was in a new relationship I wasn't totally sure of and I seriously panicked.

But........... when I'd got over the shock I thought about what a joy my daughter was to me and how my life wouldn't have been nearly as fulfilling if she had never had the chance to be born. I told his Dad (now my husband) about the pregnancy and he was very supportive. He said he would support me whatever I chose to do, but afterwards said secretly that he really wanted me to keep the baby but felt that he mustn't put any pressure on me as it was my decision.

DS1(12) has also been a complete star :rolleyes: It frightens me to think how close I came to never knowing them both.

I had a miscarriage with my first planned pregnancy. Then DD2(10) was born within a year of the miscarriage.




Most parents will tell you that there is never a right time to have children. My inclination is that your preganancy has come as a complete shock and of course your instinct is to "make it go away". But it's ultimately your choice and your life to live. But don't rush into any decisions. Talk to your OH.

Lots of luck in whatever you choose to do.

PW
xx

Kelinik

beakerange wrote: »

Good morning all,

I found out I was pregnant on Saturday and I'm in a hell of a state.
Any advice / experience would be very mcuh appreciated.

Wanted to send you a hug as I certainly could have done with one! I was only 18 and in far from ideal circumstances (won't go into details) and I felt like the whole world had just crumbled down around me. As it turned out I made my decision based on what I didn't want which is probably not the usual advice but is sometimes the only thing you can do with really tough choices. Before I'd even got my head round being pg I had a threatened miscarriage and then just to complicate things further a scan from that showed I had a deformed womb which meant I might have problems carrying further children! After that there was no way I could face a termination so there was nothing to do but get on with it and I'm very, very glad I did.

The very best of luck for the future whatever you decide. x

Vashti

The first time I ever held a baby it was my own. I thought I was going to be a terrible mother, it was an unplanned pregnancy too and I did consider all the options. I worried about the responsibility, losing my 'freedom'....my relationship with the baby's father changing.....suddenly having to grow up (at the age of 28)......

But I can honestly say, I lost absolutely nothing and gained everything. Of course it isn't a walk in the park, but childbirth is a miracle, and when you look into the eyes of your own child is is an experience I for one would hate to have missed out on.

Something kicks in when you have a baby.

I would also say, having an abortion is not easy, nor is it over and done with when you walk out of the clinic. It changes some women for life. No matter how much they think they wanted that option at the time, they never ever forget it, they feel guilty and if they do go on to have children it can be a permanent reminder of what they have done.