Unplanned Pregnancy - need advice.

emma_b_4

i too found out i was pregnanct and it wasnt planned. im a student on a bursary, we dont have any spare cash and im only 23! had planned to do so much more beofre kids but now im 19 weeks and love being pregnant, have started to save £20 pw for the nursery things and im sure it will be fine.
it takes a bit to sink in, in fact it took a scare for me at 6 weeks when i bled to make me realise how much i wanted this baby.

i just wanted to send you some hugs and say that only you can make the decision, and hubby of course.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Eels100

I'm in a similar situation - 26 (partner older), stable, got our house, good job, long term partner, long term plans for babies but nothing concrete and certainly nothing immediate then BAM! pregnant!

I was terrified - haven't even been broody or maternal, haven't had anything to do with babies, worried about money/house/life in general (ie all the 'reasons not to have kids' you mention). But decided that because it was something we'd sort of planned for eventually we may as well go with it since our chance had come along. Am now 26 weeks and I think my hormones are starting to work, have browsed some baby clothes and although still terrified of small people am looking forward to having my own one to practise being brave with!

Deep down you will know the answer to your own question, but don't forget (like I did) that your body is actually a hotpot of hormone cocktail right now and you will struggle emotionally 10x more with every decision and consideration. I didn't give myself any credit in the early stages, and looking back I had a really tough time coming to terms with it, and I genuinely, excuses aside, know that a lot of it was made worse by being very unstable and 'hormonal'. So make allowances for yourself and have a long think - if it was always in the gameplan then it's good to just hurl yourself into the deep end and embrace it, but likewise sometimes it's only when you're faced with something that you realise you don't want it.

Be good to yourself, take time and try to think long term about what you want and need from life, now and in 5/10/20/30 years time. The answers will come, don't rush yourself. :grouphug:

Savvy_Sue

beakerange wrote: »

I'm terrified of having it as I think I'll be a useless mother

I think we all think that, even if some people never admit it. And TBH there are times when I AM a useless mother, and many more times when my sons THINK I am a useless mother.

What you have to remember, is that for that child, you and your DH will be the BEST PARENTS IN THE WORLD. Because you're THEIR parents, and no-one else could love them more than you do. (With the possible exception of doting grandparents, who sometimes love them too much and end up spoiling them.)

If you're both in even half-reasonable health, not addicted to drugs, drink, gambling or any other life-limiting problem (with the possible exception of the MSE chat forum :rotfl:), I'd say "Go for it!" You were thinking about it maybe in a few years' time: it's happened now. So you'll be that much younger when you have to deal with teenagers! :eek: If THAT doesn't convince you, I don't know what will! :rotfl:

BUT! it's a decision for you and your husband. Not your parents, his parents, either of your bosses, your colleagues, your neighbours, or the milkman. (Might there be a reason your mum is advising you against it, maybe she regrets having a child at a particular age / point in time?) We can only say what we'd do, and by the sound of it most of us would go for it too. So if that's not what you want to hear, run away now! :rotfl:

good luck ...

chergar

Can I just say why don't you sit down and think about this time next year. What would make you happier having a baby in the house and being a family realising that you are good parents and that you can cope OR not having a baby, having your own life, maybe trying for a baby but been through a termination?

dixie06

Hi, firstly I don't have any children and i'm 32 and one day I do want them in fact I can't imagine never having a family of my own. Trouble is when I was in my 20's I said I'd like to start having them when I was 25, then 28, then 30 now 35!! We just keep putting it off and putting it off, a new house, a new car, a nice holiday later and still no babies! I often think to myself what would I do if I got pregnant by accident? I still don't know the answer. If you want children anyway it may be a blessing in disguise. I may get to 35+ having kept putting it off only to find I can't get pregnant and live to regret the lovely new house, shiny new car and lovely suntan and think..... if only I had a beautiful baby? Who knows?

Good luck to you, make the right decision for you and your DH and no-one else and :grouphug:

Little_Miss_Saver

(((Hugs to you and your husband)))

I fell pregnant unexpectedly at 19 (I had only been with my now exOH 4 months!!) and in less than ideal circumstances.

I was adamant that I never wanted children and I haven't got a maternal bone in my body. I grew up around babies and young children and it was great being able to hand them back at the end of the day.

Anyway I went to Docs and was booked for an abortion but to this day I don't know why but I cancelled the appointment at the last minute.

I went on to have my DS (now 11), and as it has turned out I'm very lucky to have him as within months of his birth I was diagnosed with a serious life long medical condition and I am no longer able to have children. Maybe fate played a part.

I still wouldn't consider myself to be a natural mother and feel as though I just "go through the motions" but I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel very priveleiged to have experienced something that sadly so many women are not able to.

I feel very strongly that the decision must be yours and your hubbys though.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

LMS xx

cricks

Good luck with what ever decision you make.

Unfortunately there is never a corect answer to this, only what feels right for both of you. I stress BOTH of you.

What ever you decide, think it through, you have to live with your decision. I talk from my own experience at a very young age and very unsupportive partner (ex)

I had my daughter at 31, she was planned, but its still a major shock to your life and your system. But she is the best thing ever and I couldn't live without her.

XX

Dazzieboo

I would just like to endorse what others have said, no matter how you feel now, that maternal feeling WILL kick in, I was very unmaternal, people would bring their babies into work and while everyone else would coo over it, I would vanish !!,

I suffered from unexplained infertility and had the attitude of, if I got pregnant I did and if I didn't, well it was meant to be, so when I fell pregnant naturally, I was pleased, but didn't jump for joy as some would have done as I didn't feel in love with it straight away, I still felt like this when I went in to be induced and met up with other Mum's from my ante natal classes who had already had their children they offered me a cuddle, I politely refused, but once my bundle of joy arrived, the love you feel is quite overwhelming, I try to remember that first glow of love when my hormonal 12 year old is giving me grief !!!!

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, but please don't rush into anything, at this early stage, you still have time to think about it all.

inkie

I would say that if you have any doubt about termination then you have answered your own question.

Carmina_Piranha_3

nobody can advise you really (except for your husband of course). when the doc said you're knocking on a bit he probably meant that women 'of a certain age' find it harder to get pregnant. if you terminate this one and then can't get pregnant in a couple of years will you be gutted - or will you not really mind?

are your parents the only people you've told?