Unplanned Pregnancy - need advice.

miniloopie

Hi there,
Its not often I post but I wanted to share my experience with you...
I had a completely unplanned pregnancy - had only been with my partner for 3 months :eek: and no plans whatsoever to have kids in the near future.

Not having a clue what to do I went through the motions - had a test at the doctors to confirm it, cried a lot (A LOT!) and eventually broke down in front of the midwife on our initial 'booking in' appointment.
In hindsight I wished I hadnt let it get that far, I didnt really know what to do - on the one hand I wasnt ready for a baby, I loved my life - my car, my new boyfriend, nights out, money to spend... I was 28 at the time and I thought it was too early.
On the other hand, I didnt know how I would cope if I had a termination.

In the end the midwife put me in touch with a local counselling place and Id highly recommend you do the same - they forced me to voice all my feelings, worries and wants without fear of recrimination - something I couldnt do with my family and friends as everyone had a view. It really helped me and let me think through my decision properly - as others have said, your emotions are all over the place when you are pregnant anyway.

I decided to go ahead with my pregnancy in the end, it wasnt an easy decision but at least I knew I'd thought it through and it was MY decision.
The upshot is that I now have 1 year old twin girls to show for it (yes, twins!) and I can confirm that the mothering instinct does kick in, despite never being the motherly type before.
You must make your own decision though otherwise you will either regret or resent what you do.

Good luck - hope my experience might help you.

sportbeth

inkie wrote: »

I would say that if you have any doubt about termination then you have answered your own question.

OK - contraversial view here. I had a termination two years ago. I was not in a position to have children and I knew that having a baby would hurt me more than having one.

I won't go into detail but it really wasn't as bad as I thought and I hate to sound harsh about it, but I have never looked back. I am that sort of person. You make your choice and you deal with it.

Once I had made my mind up, I got on with it and that was that. Now two years on I am much happier than I know I would have been if I had gone ahead with a pregnancy.

Everyone is different, but I think you need to weigh up your choices and knowing what you know about yourself is the only way to make your mind up.

PM me if you want to, if I can help at all and just inform you of the other side of the debate I would be happy to help

Carmina_Piranha_3

my sister had a termination 2 years ago and she doesn't regret it. it was unexpected because she already had children from her marriage, and then she went on to have another one a year after the termination (with someone new) - but she still says the timing was bad and she's glad she didn't have the other baby.

one thing she regretted was asking the advice of family and friends because some of them thought she was an evil cow - myself included. i'd been trying for a baby for 3 years and was gutted that she was pregnant with one she didn't want. she fell out with her best friend because the best friend was infertile and begged her to have this baby and let her look after it. our parents think abortion is wrong.

if she'd posted on a website about it instead of asking around then the people who resented her for it would never have known she was pregnant. anti-abortion comments on here can be ignored if you wish - it's not like having your best friend saying it.

good luck with whatever you decide, as long as you think it's the right decision then it probably is.

Spendless

Hi.

I found out I was pregnant 1 week after getting married. We weren't even back from our wedding (we married abroad). The previous year I had had a temination (mine was for medical reasons, the child wasn't going to live). After the termination I did go thru lots of emotions, not guilt, I still believe I did the best thing in my situation, but extreme upset and a desperate longing for another child to love (not to replace).

Having had our son before our 1st WA, means we haven't done certain things as a married couple but we have done other things and enjoyed them, that we probably wouldn't have done had we waited for children.

The decision is up to you and your husband. All the best.

bunty109

The decision really is yours. All I can say is that if this is something you were planning for the future anyway, then you obviously have maternal feelings. I think you just need to work out how you think you might deal with terminating a pregnancy with your OH when you plan to have children later anyway. To me, it would be different to making the decision to terminate because I wasn't in the right relationship (hope that makes sense).

I fell pregnant a few months after marrying at 25. It was planned, but quite spur of the moment and we had decided to stop trying as we thought we'd wait a while. I panicked a bit for a while, but I don't regret it for a moment as it was ultimately what we both wanted (even managed to go on and afford lots of things we never thought we'd get with children!!).

Best of luck with your decision. Please don't let family put too much pressure on you: everyone has their own agendas - I've got my view formed by my experiences and even your parents have things that cause them to feel the way they do (may/not want to be a grandparent yet etc). Do what is best for you and your OH.

ailuro2

Some things are just meant to happen.

I never thought I'd have kids,I always thought I'd get to thirty and be able to say no for definite,couldn't rule it out in my twenties just in case some maternal instinct / biological clock kicked in.

However, I found myself pregnant at 28, with all the same thoughts as Vashti. plus I thought ,rather strangely OMG I'm not married:rotfl: such a wierd reaction when I didn't thin it really mattered either way.

When I told my other half all I could say was "I'm pregnant" befor ebursting into floods of tears. He said don't worry we'll find a way to get through it.

We did...we ended up moving house, getting married (when she was 2) and are proud parents of an 8yo.

MY point,though, is that we always thought we'd have another child, but one never came along, no matter how often we practised:o
As I said at the start of my post- some things are just meant to happen when they do.:D

Congratulations- yes, I know it doesn't seem like it to begin with when everyone says it, but I mean it wholeheartedly- children bring out the best in you, dh saw an overnight change in me, and although it's not a walk in the park, somehow you do get through and it does get easier.

helend

Big hug! Can totally sympathise!

I found out that I'm pregnant last night. We already have 2 kids - both planned (dd is nearly 5 and ds is 20months) thought family was complete - OH was booked to get snip but keeps chickening out cos he's scared of needles!

Last night we did talk of termination but I know I can't go through with it, so will have no.3 - I just feel numb at the moment (when I'm not panicking)

nats3006

helend wrote: »

Big hug! Can totally sympathise!

I found out that I'm pregnant last night. We already have 2 kids - both planned (dd is nearly 5 and ds is 20months) thought family was complete - OH was booked to get snip but keeps chickening out cos he's scared of needles!

Last night we did talk of termination but I know I can't go through with it, so will have no.3 - I just feel numb at the moment (when I'm not panicking)

im sure you will be ok
good luck to you!!
:T

beakerange

Thank you everyone who replied to my thread - I will be pressing the thanks button until my finger goes numb!!

I went back and forward so many times I thought my head would fall off BUT I have just rang the doctor to tell him to refer me to the Ante Natal Clinic.
I must be mad but my OH helped me enormously late night and I came to realise that we probably would have had a child eventually, it has just come a hell of a lot sooner than imagined. Big thanks to Eels100, you were right, my hormones are all over the place - I couldn't even remember if I've ever said I wanted any!!! and to Vashti - it is so good to know that I am not a freak/bad person/general nutter for not being happy clappy and over the moon about it. I hope this feeling wears off as I do feel apprehensive and generally a bit gutted but funnily I feel relieved that the decision is now made, I think the uncertainty was making me worse. The doctor has just given me a due date of 20th December.:eek:

I suppose I will need to review these boards like crazy now for hints, tips and advice coz I'm not joking when I say I know NOTHING about babies at all.
I will keep you posted on this board - all I can say is if I can somehow get through this - then I think anyone will be able to.

Hugs and kisses to all.
Ange

chergar

Congratulations Beakerange a christmas baby aaawwwwwwwwhhhhhh.

So glad you have made your decision - wishing you a happy healthy 9 months and a perfect little baby at the end of it.