Unplanned Pregnancy - need advice.

arthur_dent_2

I was 24 when I found out I was having my first. I live then and still live now in a 1 bedroom house and was not ready for children, infact I couldn't imagine anything worse. As my pregnancy continued I felt very little for the baby and even when she was born all I wanted to do was sleep. However she grew up she stopped being a ball of independant crying stuff and became my daughter, as her and her personality grew, so did my love for her. I now could not imagine life without her or her sister, who incidentally drive me insane every day, ask questions permanently and fight like cat and dog, always. You will love your son or daughter with all your heart, maybe not immeadiately but in time and they will make you laugh and cry. You will want to walk out and leave them with someone else for half an hour because they have made you so angry but they are adorable my oldest is very bright and very aware of everything and how to get it. My youngest can cuddle for england and will share everything.

You will I am sure do the best for your baby and the mother thing will come with time. All mothers and fathers are bad parents, just the better ones know that they are and try to do better.

ailuro2

They are lovable little bundles- even if they are a bit messy and wake you up in the middle of the night.

Nothing we could say or do will prepare you for the first time you see your little one- its incredible!

My very best wishes for a happy and healthy pregnancy- now get ready to love Maalox;) (anti heartburn remedy!:rotfl: )

beakerange

Hi All,

Further to my last thread where you were all so helpful, I am looking for more advice/reassurance.
Since making the decision to keep the baby, I thought everything would start to slot into place and I'd start to get into it and happy/excited.
Unfortunately I don't feel happy or even that I am coming to terms with it - does something "kick in" and if so when?
Or am I making a huge mistake and maybe have to admit that I'm just not cut out for motherhood?

Your experiences/thoughts are much appreciated - especially since I'm starting to feel a bit abnormal now:(

super41

No you're not abnormal and it certainly doesn't mean you're not cut out for motherhood! Everyone feels differently in pregnancy. The received view is that you'll feel great, be blooming and will be bonding with your baby as you caress your growing bump! Well I never felt like that. It didn't really hit me that I was going to have a baby until it had arrived and became a reality to me! I almost felt guilty about feeling like this. Felt exactly the same with the 2nd but this time realised that's just the way I am.
So please to hear you've decided to continue.

ceebeeby

Hi beakerange,

I didn't contribute to Part 1 so don't know the whole story, but will offer my tentative congratulations on the pregnancy so far.

No ... you don't HAVE to be jumping up and down for joy and feeling all mumsy, you've made a massive life changing choice. Everything from now on will be different. Your mind is sensible enough to know this and is still adjusting.

As long as you don't resent your baby, your "instincts" will kick in, in due course. You could speak to your midwife about the way you're feeling, she/he may be able to put you in touch with some support.

I hope you can start to take some pleasure out of this soon x

katglasgow

Hi just a quick message as at work today but just wanted to say my first pregnancy was "a surprise" and it took me a long time to take it all in. It took my OH even longer, its a very very different expereince from actually planning a pregnancy and going through it all together from the beginning.
My hubby used to go to the pub for a drink after work and I felt like I had turned him to drink which then made me feel a little paranoid! It was just a huge thing for us to both take in and adjust to as we werent really properly living together at that time, and we had plans to backpack round SOuth East Asia that all had to be cancelled!
My son is now 3 and we are a very tight and loving little family, we wouldnt have it any other way now

Violetta_2

Dont worry you are still in shock. I had a surprise pregnancy spent most of the time terrified and I was quite poorly. Think the only time I was not scared & happy was when I had midwife appt and could hear the babies heartbeat that was amazing. I was so not the maternal type so didn't think I'd ever have a child.Three years ago I was single 35 and happy with my lot. Then I met my oh, a few months later OMG I was pregnant still wonder how that happened ( I know THAT bit). My darling daughter is the most amazing thing that ever happened to me (she makes the sun shine) she is 20 month's old. And turns out her daddy is the one for me too. Things happen for a reason. You will be a great mum, but it will be a gradual thing. Your whole world has been flipped upside down(and shaken around a bit) . Like I said your probably still in shock gradually things will fall into place. Good luck.x

lab-lover

My friend found out she was pregnant and was absolutely shocked and hysterical(to say the least), had only been with boyfriend for about 6 months).To cut a long story short,she felt nothing for the baby for months of her pregnancy and only came to terms with it at about 8 months gone. She had a lovely baby boy 4 weeks ago and she loves and adores him and all those feelings are gone and forgotten. She did say having the scan helped a bit. Me, i planned my baby but it was still one massive shock when i found out i was pregnant, its the strangest feeling, isnt it? sorry but i didnt see your first thread. hope this helps, and it does take time to adjust to the fact your going to be a mum. but believe me, it is worth it!!

Good luck and best wishes.xxx

daphne_descends

Hi, I saw your previous thread but didn't post, you had a hard decision to make but do not doubt that you've made the right choice for you.

I am 17 weeks pregnant and far from maternal, I am glad pregnancy takes 9 months, I need every day of it to get used to the idea.

It's only in the last week or so that I've thought of it as 'my baby' and began to get a bit excited - debating with myself whether to find out the sex, thinking a bit more seriously about choosing some names, accepting the fact that I'll be leaving my job!

This was very much a planned pregnancy - and I've considered a termination - around 8/9 weeks I began to think oh, this is stupid what am I playing it, I can't do this. I am not cut out for this, I can't be a mother, responsible for another person and their needs - I can't cope with a baby, I don't coo over children/babies, what am I going to do?

And when so many people struggle to conceive or suffer loss I felt awful for thinking those things - I thought if I miscarried it would only be what I deserved.

It feels uncomfortable and weird to write that down, but I'm trying to be honest. And I don't expect that just because I'm feeling quite happy now, that I'm immune from having any further wobbles!

But despite all of that I know this is what I want, and actually I think I'll be pretty good at it - after a while, at least

SeptemberBaby_2

Hi

Personally, I feel that you would be 'abnormal' if you felt 'normal'! Your hormones are all over the place, you have just made one of the biggest decisions of your life and you are putting unfair pressure on yourself as you have a perception of how the 'perfect' pregnant woman should feel.

I especially resented my pregnancy when the morning sickness kicked in and every day thought was it worth it. Now I can't believe I thought that way as the pregnancy was very much planned and I'm alot more settled in my second trimester. But, I'm still waiting to 'bloom'!

Try not to judge yourself too harshly and don't compare yourself to others. Each pregnancy is unique.

Take care of yourself and I hope you feel brighter soon.

xxx