About to walk away from my family

victory

bunney1981 wrote: »

The people I saw face to face seemed to see and agree with my point if view. Maybe I'm not explaining things right.

Fair enough...try explaining again...

jackieb

bunney1981 wrote: »

The people I saw face to face seemed to see and agree with my point if view. Maybe I'm not explaining things right.

Some people say one thing to your face but then go back and talk to someone else behind your back. Your parents are people and they don't agree with you.

sulkisu

bunney1981 wrote: »

In 2007 I split up with my ex partner. I moved home to my parents and until I met my current partner about 15 months ago I was somewhat a loose cannon.

I have 2 kids with my ex partner and have them every Friday night overnight at my parents house.

Me and current partner are expecting a baby next April and in January will be moving into her house with her and setting up home together.

The downside to this is there just isn't any room for my kids to sleep. It's a tiny house and its just not practical. What I plan to do is now have my kids all day Sundays. And Friday nights for 3-4 hours. In actual fact they will see me more.

This hasn't gone down well with my parents. They have now said that my current partner is not welcome in there home because they think she is saying the kids are not welcome in there house. We are not welcome at Xmas and they want nothing to do with new baby , me or new partner


I'm so annoyed. Others I have gone to for advice say they agree with me. I love my gf and plan to ask her to marry me on Nye. My cousin advices me that it's time I put myself first and made sure I was finally happy and this made sence.

Any advice would be great

Well you are definitely doing that, aren't you?

I'm not surprised that your parents are angry - in their eyes, you are effectively dumping your kids for your new family. As others have said, you make room.

One other point that has not yet been made, (forgetting the views of your parents and ex for a moment), depending on the ages of your kids they ae likely to be either very angry, very upset or both. It's always difficult for children when a new family are in the picture, and if as a result of that new family they no longer get to stay over with you... don't expect to be playing happy families with them when you do see them.

As for putting yourself first, I'm sorry but no parent with young children and an ounce of decency decides that their own happiness comes first.

Mado

bunney1981 wrote: »

The people I saw face to face seemed to see and agree with my point if view. Maybe I'm not explaining things right.

Or maybe they share a certain selfishness with you?

There is more than just you, the new baby and partner in this story.
There are2 other children who must be reassured that you still love them and must get a chance to spend time with you and their new sibling. And if they have had such a strong relationship with your parents, they also have a right to continue to see them. And that's the least you can to thank your parents who supported you when you needed it.

newcook

bunney1981 wrote: »

The people I saw face to face seemed to see and agree with my point if view. Maybe I'm not explaining things right.

then why ask the same thing on a public forum if you are going to sulk when people disagree?


when my parents split up, me and my brother used to go and stay with my dad and his gf on a saturday night. they lived in a 1 bed flat so me and my brother used to sleep on a sofa bed in the living room. there should always be room for your children and your new gf should be also thinking of ways to move furniture around in her house to accommodate them.

Rebecca01

Will the baby not sleep in your room for the first six months of their life?

NicolaB_2

I have 2 children of a similar age (10 and 6), and their father has recently had a baby with a new partner too. If he came to me suggesting what you are planning I would go ballistic, not because of any impact it would have on me, but because of the signals this would send to our children.

At a time when they could already be feeling slightly usurped by a new baby in their Dad's life, the last thing they need is their Dad implying that they have slipped even further down his list of priorities by changing longstanding contact arrangements because they don't quite fit in with his new family arrangements. While you may see it as a practical solution, children don't view things in the same way and will almost certainly feel pushed out.

I too find it slightly hard to believe that you can't find room for them somewhere, even if it means one on the sofa and one on an airbed on the floor. I think you also need to consider whether this will impact on how well your kids interact with your partner and new baby going forward, as this could build up a huge amount of resentment.

Pollycat

You keep saying your partner's house is small and tiny, but haven't said how small.

I agree with the other posters, you are putting yourself first in this and I believe you were hoping that posters on here would agree with you - but they (or at least the majority) don't.

And I can't believe that you're posting your revised child contact proposals on a public forum before you've even had the courtesy to discuss (and agree) them with your ex!

Rebecca01

We were in your situation about 8 years ago. Me being the pregnant girlfriend. If my partner had suggested not having his girls over night. I would wonder what sort of man he was, and for the future of my own child. Plus I would do everything in my power to ensure the children were not hurt in anyway. They are the innocent ones in all of this. I mean all three children to. My daughter has a great relationship with her sisters as we had so much fun in the very early years of her life. She also got used to them being there and being over night with them. Same for the girls getting used to a new baby.

Now I know we all dont know the whole story and its unfair of us to judge but going from what you have said , surely theres a way to make this work.

Good Luck.

Errata

bunney1981 wrote: »

The people I saw face to face seemed to see and agree with my point if view. Maybe I'm not explaining things right.

And what do your kids think?