About to walk away from my family

victory

bunney1981 wrote: »

I plan to sit down with the ex in january , i have not put these plans in concrete yet , but its what im going to propose , i get on quite well with the ex and she is very felxable,

as for stopping kids seeing grandparents, this would not be the case , my grandparents also have a good relationship with my ex and pick the kids up at free will. for example in the last half term they took them away for a few days to london.

my kids have a great family network around them

Why leave it until January?

ShAnE

It's impressive that someone could father 3 children without a set of stones.

suki1964

Im sorry but you as a parent have to put your children first.

My husband was an absentee parent when he moved in with me - in a one bedroom HA flat. At the time his kids were 3 and 4 and when they satyed the three of them had the double bed and I slept on the sofa. As they got too old we had managed to scrape together a deposit for a two 2 up 2 down and they shared a room till they were 10 and 11 by which time - one had the bedroom the other had the put you up in the living room.

No matter how small a house is - you make room for family - especially children

Errata

victory wrote: »

Why leave it until January?

Because he's getting engaged in January, because partner No 2 told him she would like her and their new baby to have the same surname as him.

System

Personally, if i had step children i would put their needs first before my own. I would sleep on the settee if i had to.

You cant expect children to understand why they cant stay over any more just because the house is small.

If the older children dont like the sleeping arrangments then its time to make changes but until then, put up with it.

LiveLoveLaugh

I have a step-daughter and me and hubby also have two children together. I would never (before or after we had our own children) have expected him to tell his child that there was not enough room for her to stay over and carry on their existing contact agreement and would have been having serious doubts about having any children of my own with him if he had been so quick to do this.

We have always gone out of our way to try and make sure that SD see's this as her "family" home just as much as her home with her mum and that she feel's just as much a part of our family as her siblings, because she is.

I echo what others have said and find it very hard to believe that there isn't enough room to squeeze a blow up bed in somewhere....you say you will be moving in a year anyway, your baby can sleep in your room until then, just get yourselves a space saver cot if space is tight.

The new baby doesn't need it's own room yet, but your children do need to maintain their relationship with their dad, now more than ever as this is the time you need to show them that just because you have a new baby it doesn't change the way you feel about them!

I really think you need to be trying harder to find a solution so you can have your children to stay as usual O,P otherwise you may find in a years time they'd rather not bother coming to stay anymore anyway. Plus they need to build a bond with their new sibling rather than potentially resenting them for taking their dad away.

Try harder OP, hope it all works out.

victory

Errata wrote: »

Because he's getting engaged in January, because partner No 2 told him she would like her and their new baby to have the same surname as him.

Thanks for the explanation:D

I'm going to have to retreat from this thread and just go back to being a lurker because I can feel the prickles rise over this one...

To even think that there is no room for your kids, to not put them first, to not sleep standing up for them if needs be is completely off the scale to me and to put them to one side until the OP moves or has more space or it is more convenient is just mind blowing.

There is nothing as a mother I would not do for my kids, if there is not enough food in the house, us going without so the kids have it is a given, their needs are more important.

To say there is no room to a child will have psychological damage in their future and the relationship will be strained because of the past . The kids care only about being with their family not the tight sleeping arrangements.

The new baby needs to bond with all of them. They are not a part of family life if they are not allowed to come over for lack of space.

Primrose

The issue here is really your children and not your parents, surely. You don't say what age your children are but surely it's not beyond the bounds of practicality for you to buy a couple of sleeping bags or an inflatable mattress for them so that they can stay overnight at times. For them to feel they don't belong in your home will be alienating for them. They may not do this on every visit but they MUST feel they still have a foothold in your new house.
If you go this route and your parents still won't welcome your new girlfriend, they must accept that they are effectively excluding themselves from your life until they can behave like grown up civilised adults.

Tygermoth

posted in error

Dunroamin

bunney1981 wrote: »

my kids have a great family network around them

They may have had up til now - doesn't sound as if it's going to be that way in the future.