About to walk away from my family

bunney1981

My kids are 10 and 7. The house is really small. We have looked into getting blow up beds for the living room but the reality is there is no space at all.

By loose cannon I mean, living the single life. Out most weekends etc etc.

I havnt run this past my ex as of yet but the plan is to do this for a year. Then when my partner goes back to work find a bigger house.

My kids are more than welcome in the house will be spending time there. But not to sleep in the first year or so

My parents will see the kids just as much as they plan to have them to sleep there still.

azana_2

sounds like you have already decided what you want - as others have said if you wanted to make space for them, you would, can't imagine any living room there couldn't be room for a 10 and 7 year old to sleep in - for one night -

If the plan is for a year that's introducing more uncertainty into their lives.

Can't you approach your parents and find a way to take other people's situation into consideration - if they are nearby can't see why you couldn't go sleep there once a week - it would maintain the kids' routine surely?

But like I said sounds like you have decided what you want so not sure why you are asking? You seem to be coming first in all this - sorry to be harsh but as a mum of kids that age that's really how it sounds, but then you've been "living the single life"

Shame when families get fractured like this - life is too short - can't you try and sort it out?

Mado

bunney1981 wrote: »

My kids are 10 and 7. The house is really small. We have looked into getting blow up beds for the living room but the reality is there is no space at all.

By loose cannon I mean, living the single life. Out most weekends etc etc.

I havnt run this past my ex as of yet but the plan is to do this for a year. Then when my partner goes back to work find a bigger house.

My parents will see the kids just as much as they plan to have them to sleep there still.

So, all you have to do is to hold it for a few months, maybe a year or so until you can find somewhere suitable for all your children.

In all your plans, think hard about how this makes your existing children feel? Do they deserve what you think you can impose on them?
Maybe you could work out something with your parents; every other weekend you stay with them with your older kidsand the other weekend you manage at your girlfriend's house. Don't deprive the children from contact with their grandparents; it just isn't fair.

jackieb

I lived in a 2 bedroomed house with a husband and 4 children, with a 12 year difference between the eldest and the youngest child - 3 boys and 1 girl. You make do with what you have. We lived like that for 5 years. Surely you can manage one night a week somehow.

This 'problem' that you have wouldn't have even been an issue.

FBaby

You are kidding..... so you just expect your ex to agree to it because it suits you... Maybe she has plans every Friday evenings... maybe she does things with the kids every sundays...Is she too expected to change her lifestyle to suit yours and new partner?

You are going about it the completely wrong way.... You first step should have been to approach your ex explaining that you will be moving with your new partner but are concerned about the space, offer different suggestions (including pop-up beds that can be set up anywhere) and go from there. As it is you seem to see nothing wrong with imposing your choices on everyone else with no consideration on the affect on them...Maybe your parents struggle to see that you have moved from your single minded attitude?

marmitepotato

Hubby and I slept on the floor/settee and the children had our bed. We had a one tiny one bedroom house, but, WE MADE ROOM. You can too.Good luck OP.

NoAngel

bunney1981 wrote: »

I'm so annoyed. Others I have gone to for advice say they agree with me. I love my gf and plan to ask her to marry me on Nye. My cousin advices me that it's time I put myself first and made sure I was finally happy and this made sence.

Any advice would be great

But it's not really about you, it's about your two children and you ought to be putting them first. I can't imagine that even the smallest house doesn't have room for a sofa bed or 2 of those air beds for kids. Or a futon. Or a sleeping bag. Your children will end up feeling pushed out if you suddenly tell them they aren't staying over anymore.

Caroline_a

Get a sofabed for the lounge, and let the children sleep in the bedroom while you sleep in the lounge when they are there. Simples. Your gf might not like it, but I happen to think that your children should come before her..

bunney1981

The people I saw face to face seemed to see and agree with my point if view. Maybe I'm not explaining things right.

seven-day-weekend

Is it not possible for someone to sleep on the sofa? Surely you have a sofa? And someone else to sleep on a blow up bed? Just for one night?

Of course it is. It sounds as though you/your partner just doesn't want the hassle.

A word of warning - I know someone who was in a similar situation to yourself. He did love his children and thought they would understand when he re-married and he and his wife moved into a place where there was no room for them, so they couldn't stay as frequently as they had done before. Well they didn't understand. They were children. And now they are grown up he has a distant relationship with his son and no relationship at all with his daughter, who just saw him putting his wife's children before her and her brother.

I also know someone who has no children from his second marriage, but any house they rent has to be big enough so that his children from his first marriage can stay frequently. It is more expensive than if he just considered them as a couple, but he makes sure his children suffer as little as possible from his break-up with their mother. He would sleep in a tent in the garden rather than say there was no room for his children. Guess what? His children (now teenagers) think he is the greatest dad in the world.

Find a way.