About to walk away from my family

geekgirl

Also be prepared op that by the time you have the time, space in a year, to have your children to stay they may decide they don't want to stay with you.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

"About to walk away from my family"

You are, aren't you?

MissKeith

A little anecdote for you OP - When I first moved in with my partner, we were living in a three bed house with his brother and sister in law. My partner has three children, one boy, two girls. We had them three nights a week, without fail, we would both sleep on the living room floor so the girls could sleep in our bed when they came over. Was it ideal? No. Was it cramped? Extremely. But those are the kinds of sacrifices you make for family.

Now my partner's brother has moved out, we have our room back as the girls now have their own room here. We have a baby on the way and they will be sharing with their siblings when they get old enough. Yes, it will be cramped again but if I have to sleep on the floor to make all the children in our big, beautiful family feel welcome, then I will do so gladly.

You need to do the same or more fool you. Resentful kids grow into resentful adults.

zzzLazyDaisy

I know two fathers who did exactly what you are proposing to do.

In both cases, when the children became teenagers they refused to visit their father's house at all, and now that they are adults they have no contact with their father at all, by their own choice.

Is that what you want to happen? Really?

amyloofoo

I doubt OP will be back as they seemed a bit disheartened to not be given the advice they wanted to hear! However, on the off chance:

Please, please reconsider what you're planning. For the sake of yourself and your new relationship as well as your children. You appear to have made a decision without consulting with your ex, who you admit is very reasonable and flexible. If you've had a good relationship then please talk to her about your situation rather than simply deciding to tell her in January, when you've already proposed and your current partner will have her own expectations.

Lots of children are raised in households that are more complicated than the traditional 'nuclear family' (myself included) and there's no reason why this should mean they don't have a great relationship with both parents and sets of extended families - however what you're proposing is to change arrangements that have been working, to something completely new and untested without properly consulting your children's mother. Is this really in your children's best interests?

Maybe it would be a good idea to sit down with your ex, your parents (as you've been having contact under their roof for years, so they are involved) and yourself to discuss what will be best for all of your children, not just the one on the way.

LannieDuck

I think what you're planning to do is quite risky. I think you risk annoying your ex (many people on this site would be extremely grateful for a friendly, flexible ex), and you risk making your children feel less wanted (as with many PPs, I also struggle to believe you don't have space for them overnight).

...but I think you're going to do it anyway.

Keeping_Motivated

Forget you and your parents and your new gf for the time being..how do you think 2 young children will perceive you moving in with new girlfriend and having a new baby and then not being allowed to sleep over? Do you think they will understand your practical reasons or do you think they will take it as a rejection or emotionally negative in some way?

ASk your self that question honestly and answer it from a 10 year olds point of view and then make your decision from there is my suggestion.

I would sleep on the floor rather than not let me kids spend the night with me.

As for your parents it sounds like they took you in at your time of need and they are great committed grand parents and the minute they don't agree with your decision you walk away from them? You can't only take the support from them you have to also take the truth and take their feelings into account. Its not a one way street. They sound like they have done a lot for you and not been selfish, can you honest say the same?

Where your parents and your children are concerned I think you need to look at yourself and take more responsibility and if you loved them you would find a way to make this work for everyone.

notakid

my kids have a great family network around them

Well thank goodness for that as if it was just you, they would be b*ggered wouldn't they? As you haven't been a parent for a while. Living the single life as you say and now recreating a "new" family and suddenly having no room for the children you have already.

Your ex, you say, gives no problems, is flexible and your parents involved.

I'd love to see your ex's expression when you tell her that "you need to put yourself first"............:rotfl::rotfl:

It seems that's all you have ever done! Maybe its time to grow up alittle and start accepting your responbilities.

Part of me thinks you are a troll anyway, trying to stir up a forum mainly populated by women, many left with the children after unsuccessful relationships.....

Funny tho, you didn't get the outrage but good positive advice.

Pollycat

From the OP's first post:

bunney1981 wrote: »

Any advice would be great

I think he meant 'any advice that agrees with my viewpoint' rather than the advice and opinions he's actually got.

It would be good to hear that he's reconsidered but I doubt we'll hear from him again.

Poor kids.

bunney1981

Pleased to say thats it all been sorted out. Everyone is now happy and looking forward to xmas