13 yr old daughter dating a 17yr old

ciderwithrosie_2

Why do you jump to the assumption that he might have tried it on before or will do again with other young girls and he is therefore a danger? bit harsh on the lad without knowing all the facts. He has acted foolishly no doubt, but then he is 17, boys mature slower than girls and a lot of 13 yr old girls look and act much older and can be quite determined if they take a fancy to someone.

As others have said, use this as an opportunity to accept your little girl is quickly growing into a young woman and have some frank talks with her about self-respect, keeping safe etc without overreacting - it'll only make it seem all the more exciting and a rebellious act.

Amanda65

OP is this the same girl who was talking via Skype to the parents of a boy she met on holiday back in the summer that you weren't happy about? Is she back living with you or still with her dad?

Tupperware_Queen

I have experience with child protection issues and can I just say that regardless of whatever experience people have had in their own lives, the law is perfectly clear. Relationships with children under the age of 16, or when the elder person is in a position of responsibility, are not acceptable.

Can't find the English version, but this is the Scottish guidance http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Resource/Doc/333495/0108880.pdf

Alikay

I think you need to be absolutely sure of the facts before you go the adults in charge of cadets. If the lad is keen on pursuing a military career, he will likely use his cadet CO as a reference, so any complaint against him will obviously have an effect on that. Not to mention any damage which may be done if their protocol is always to refer matters on to the police (common in many youth organisations).

Not saying that it's ever right for someone to use power (physical strength, rank or any other form) to gain sexual favours, but are you absolutely sure of the facts and context? Over reacting could have far-reaching and potentially devastating consequences for this young man. Of course doing nothing if he HAS abused his power could have unpleasant consequences for any other young female cadet he takes a shine to.....

peachyprice

Tupperware_Queen wrote: »

I have experience with child protection issues and can I just say that regardless of whatever experience people have had in their own lives, the law is perfectly clear. Relationships with children under the age of 16, or when the elder person is in a position of responsibility, are not acceptable.

Can't find the English version, but this is the Scottish guidance http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Resource/Doc/333495/0108880.pdf

You'd think, wouldn't you. But there seem to be plenty of people on this thread who think it's perfectly acceptable and understandable, seems you can't afterall expect a 17yo to be able to control himself in the presence of a 13yo child.

jen007

Upon reading a thread mentioned by Amanda65, OP I don't mean to cause offence but are you sure DD is telling the truth?

You've mentioned the lad has denied it to the Officer you spoke to, and going by the thread it seems to me like your DD is a bit of a drama queen/attention seeker. (What with the threats of making up lies about your OH to her Dad.)

Again, personal experiences. I remember having a diary which I wrote but basically it was all fantasy. (It sounds odd, and it was when I look back on it).
What i'm getting at is, could DD be fantasising about this lad? Making it all up?

Lotus-eater

peachyprice wrote: »

You'd think, wouldn't you. But there seem to be plenty of people on this thread who think it's perfectly acceptable and understandable, seems you can't afterall expect a 17yo to be able to control himself in the presence of a 13yo child.

There's the law and then there's biology.

Remembering the pack of sexual energy I was at 17, if she looked old enough, I rarely gave the age much of a thought.

Tupperware_Queen

Can I recommend this site to the OP

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents-and-carers/parenting-advice/older-children/older-children_wda90925.html

Tupperware_Queen

Lotus-eater wrote: »

There's the law and then there's biology.

Remembering the pack of sexual energy I was at 17, if she looked old enough, I rarely gave the age much of a thought.

The implications for a young man having a relationship with a girl below the age of consent may have ramifications for the rest of his life. They need to know that in the current climate, it is very much up to him to keep things in check - whether or not you agree with it, this is the law, and its best he stays the right side of it.

Lotus-eater

Tupperware_Queen wrote: »

The implications for a young man having a relationship with a girl below the age of consent may have ramifications for the rest of his life. They need to know that in the current climate, it is very much up to him to keep things in check - whether or not you agree with it, this is the law, and its best he stays the right side of it.

This is true and nothing I posted said otherwise.

I was merely pointing out, that expecting a sex mad 17 year old faced with a good looking girl of whatever age, who looks old enough to do nice things with, to take the law and future consequences into account every time, is probably asking a bit much.

However the law doesn't allow for feelings or weakness, but this sort of thing goes on all the time, there are plenty of babies born to underage mothers with 17 year old fathers, they don't get put on the sex register.