13 yr old daughter dating a 17yr old

jetplane

hawk30 wrote: »

Hang on. I agree that his behaviour is inappropriate and that OP needs to speak to those in charge, but I wouldn't call him a 'predator' without stronger evidence. He could be a naive, inexperienced 17 year old boy, not used to girls liking him and so flattered by her attention that common sense has gone out of the window.

The behaviour has to stop, yes, but let's not automatically label him a sex pest.

I didn't actually say he was a sex pest however I seem to have caused a bit of a stir using the predator word. Having worked with sex offenders I am stunned by how many people are willing to excuse or accept that 17 year old boys are lust mad, immature, naive and helpless, fuelled by uncontrolled desire and unable to resist a 13 year old etc.

However having been reminded of the 13 year olds previous behaviour then maybe she doesn't want his seniors to know because it is untrue. On the flip side maybe that is what he is relying on when he tries to cop a feel. Do the cadets not promote self discipline?

This is a forum where we never know the full picture but if it was my 13 year old daughter I would have concerns and she wouldn't have facebook either.

peachyprice

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I must admit this is where I'm confused as to why people think he's in a position of trust.

I think it is a position of trust. Corporals, even if it's "only" cadets have been promoted to a position where they are expected to supervise and lead the junior members to some extent and part of which is being responsible for monitoring the welfare of younger cadets.

If younger cadets are aware they can go to the corporal with welfare problems, then yes, that is a position of trust.

marisco_2

MissKeith wrote: »

What on earth is going on in this thread?! Defending a 17 year old in a position of authority who messed around with a 13 year old when she's admitted she didn't like it?! Implying she's making it up because she's a drama queen? Advising not to report him to the police in case he gets in trouble?

I wonder if the responses to this thread would have been different if the setting for all that has gone on were changed?. For instance if we had been advised that the OPs 13 year old daughter had been approached, kissed and touched inappropriately by a 17 year old lad based at her school doing work experience. Something tells me people would have seen this lads actions in a whole different light.

From what has been advised to us by the OP the 17 year old is well aware that his involvement with this girl was not wise. Going by what he said to her and his reactions since it has all come to the attention of adults at the cadets.

raven83

Shows how times have changed. I remember being at school and my 14 year old friend had an 18 year old boyfriend who used to drive up at lunch and they would go back to his and get up to whatever they got up to. No one battered an eyelid, and I didn't think for a single moment that he should be on the sex offenders register. She was consenting and looked a lot older, and he was just like a normal sex mad teen. Oh and her parents knew he was a boyfriend, don't remember them calling the police to report him for statutory rape:think:

lostinrates

MissKeith wrote: »

What on earth is going on in this thread?! Defending a 17 year old in a position of authority who messed around with a 13 year old when she's admitted she didn't like it?! Implying she's making it up because she's a drama queen? Advising not to report him to the police in case he gets in trouble? Are you people freaking kidding me?!

This is exactly how sex offenders get away with abuse. He's 17, quite old enough to know he shouldn't be fiddling about with little kids! I'm sorry but saying that he can't control his urges because he's a teenager is utter bull. Maybe he shouldn't be working with young girls if he finds it so hard to control himself.

I honestly do not think there is enough information in either direction to suggest either extreme of the scenarios posed is the 'truth' and I doubt even op has it yet. All scenarios raised are possible, and not necessarily mutually exclusive. The one 'fact' is that the girl is below the age of consent, and even if the boy is innocent he needs to know not to let himself get into a situation like this, and op's daughter needs to learn the impact her actions could have. And ofcourse, the other scenario should be considered. We just cannot tell here.

lostinrates

raven83 wrote: »

Shows how times have changed. I remember being at school and my 14 year old friend had an 18 year old boyfriend who used to drive up at lunch and they would go back to his and get up to whatever they got up to. No one battered an eyelid, and I didn't think for a single moment that he should be on the sex offenders register. She was consenting and looked a lot older, and he was just like a normal sex mad teen. Oh and her parents knew he was a boyfriend, don't remember them calling the police to report him for statutory rape:think:

I don't think that is necessarily times. I think places and the people involved might have something to do with that too.

POPPYOSCAR

marisco wrote: »

I wonder if the responses to this thread would have been different if the setting for all that has gone on were changed?. For instance if we had been advised that the OPs 13 year old daughter had been approached, kissed and touched inappropriately by a 17 year old lad based at her school doing work experience. Something tells me people would have seen this lads actions in a whole different light.

From what has been advised to us by the OP the 17 year old is well aware that his involvement with this girl was not wise. Going by what he said to her and his reactions since it has all come to the attention of adults at the cadets.

I thought he had denied it?

jetplane

raven83 wrote: »

Shows how times have changed. I remember being at school and my 14 year old friend had an 18 year old boyfriend who used to drive up at lunch and they would go back to his and get up to whatever they got up to. No one battered an eyelid, and I didn't think for a single moment that he should be on the sex offenders register. She was consenting and looked a lot older, and he was just like a normal sex mad teen. Oh and her parents knew he was a boyfriend, don't remember them calling the police to report him for statutory rape:think:

Shame on the parents no matter how it turned out even if they lived happily ever after 4eva 2getha. Liberal parents and people saying oh I did it and I'm fine doesn't make it right, in my opinion.

marisco_2

Yes I read that he had denied it also. However if he has been inapropriately involved with a 13 year old, he is not likely to admit to it if he realises that he could potentially be in a whole lot of trouble.

POPPYOSCAR

lostinrates wrote: »

I honestly do not think there is enough information in either direction to suggest either extreme of the scenarios posed is the 'truth' and I doubt even op has it yet. All scenarios raised are possible, and not necessarily mutually exclusive. The one 'fact' is that the girl is below the age of consent, and even if the boy is innocent he needs to know not to let himself get into a situation like this, and op's daughter needs to learn the impact her actions could have. And ofcourse, the other scenario should be considered. We just cannot tell here.

I agree.

At the moment is it not her word against his?

With no witnesses and presumably no other instances of this happening with other girls, a good legal team would more than likely make sure nothing would come of any prosecution.

Hopefully now both these teenagers will have had a fright either way and be wary in the future.