13 yr old daughter dating a 17yr old

Buellguy

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

have just spoken to officer in charge and he was quite off hand about it he said they do discourage dating between cadets but didnt really seem to kno what to do...have left my number and he is going to talk to a more senior officer to see what action if any needs to happen

WHAT!!!!! an officer who didn't know what to do - NEVER!!!!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

bonjovibel_729

Nicki wrote: »

There is a gaping chasm of difference between a high profile and popular middle aged man forcing himself on young girls who are unable to say anything to anyone afterwards because they won't be believed, and a consensual kiss leading on to a quick fumble of a clothed boob (I imagine) with hand removed immediately it was asked between two teenagers attending a mutual activity though. Even if there is a 3 and a half to 4 year age gap between them and even if one is under the age of consent and the other is (only just) over it.

Is your DD in any way traumatised by what took place (other than your reaction to this) or was she hurt or coerced in any way?

thanks but it was a lot more than just a fumble of a clothed boob as u put it .. she is 13 and apparently he will be 18 soon ,,,.have spoke to the officer again and the cadet has denied all knowledge of course...

bonjovibel_729

Amanda65 wrote: »

But from what you said earlier, it happened on the way to cadets, so not on their premises. I asked before if she already knew the boy or had met him at cadets and why they (presumably) were travelling there together on their own? Is he someone known to the family meaning you could speak to him and tell him your daughter is upset about what happened?

i dont know him or his family but the boy is friends with my daughters best friend which is why i trusted him

balletshoes

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

i dont think its the fact that she has done this with a nearly 18yr old is she issue if she had met him outside of cadets then i wud not be so concerned tho obv i wud be upset...its more the fact that this boy is in a position of authority and if he has got my daughter to do somethin like this how many other of the young and impressionable cadets has he done this to???

but you don't know he's done anything like that with any of the other cadets - he may just have liked your daughter and wanted to be with her?

balletshoes

peachyprice wrote: »

I'm just thinking of my own 17yo boys and their friends, who all thinks it's just plain wrong and creepy when their friends little sister and her friends have crushes on them.

Perhaps it's because they have little sisters it makes them more aware that 13yo girls are too young for them.

to be fair though, those particular 13-year old girls will always seem young to your sons, because they know them as friends of their little sister. Another 13-year old who isn't in their sister's circle may be a different prospect altogether.

mountainofdebt

Buellguy wrote: »

WHAT!!!!! an officer who didn't know what to do - NEVER!!!!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Obviously a squaddie but lets get back to the matter in hand shall we.

My take on this is that it sounds very much like that the boy hasn't abused his position, after all he's NOT a member of staff - sounds very much like a girl meets boy situation.

However that doesn't mean to say he was abit foolish for all the reasons already given.

As for the OP not getting a straight answer from the staff I too am not surprised. I've asked OH what he action he would take being a chairman of a sea cadet unit in similar circumstances and he said that the advice that they have to follow is that the matter is referred to the area office who will have the training and staff to deal with this sort of thing.

mountainofdebt

And if he will be soon 18 I imagine he will be leaving the unit soon anyway

balletshoes

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

i dont 'assume' he has but wud i wud not be ok if something worse happened to one of the girls there and i did not speak up about what happened with my daughter.....have u not seen the news recently???maybe i am being over cautious but i dont think saying after the event ' oh well i wish i had said something' will cut it....

if he has done nothing wrong then he will have nothing to worry about..

you have said something about it to his officer, and I think you did the right thing. Not because I think he would have done anything inappropriate with anyone else at Cadets, but because she's 13, he's 17, and he knew he was not doing the right thing by what he's already said.

Amanda65

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

i dont know him or his family but the boy is friends with my daughters best friend which is why i trusted him

So was he taking her to cadets (driving / bus/ walking?). As a friend of your daughters BF I presume that is why she trusted him as well.

OP I think what you need to establish from your DD is if what took place was consensual up to the point she told him to stop or if he 'forced' himself on her which to my mind is a big difference. And without wanting to accuse your DD of anything are you sure that what she says happened actually happened and she hasn't 'embellished' the story a little to her dad's girlfriends daughter and now doesn't know how to get out of the situation? I'm so sorry if I am accusing her of fibbing when she is telling the truth but it wouldn't be the first time a young girl boasted about something that happened to a friend that turned out to not be true (equally applies to boys as well).

Lotus-eater

There's 13 and there's 13.
Some 13 year olds now can look 16 easy and give plenty of come ons to a boy. I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying it's biology that some will want to get it together.

FWIW, when I was 17 a 13 year old made it very obvious she fancied me. I wasn't interested, as she did look like a 13 year old, if she had looked older, I might have been interested. Of course 25 years ago there wasn't the paranoia there is today about !!!!!philes.