13 yr old daughter dating a 17yr old

bonjovibel_729

just lookin for some advice on what to do .... my daughter recently started air cadets about 3 mnths ago....she seemed to be enjoying it but i read on her facebook page that she had kissed one of the corporal cadets from there who is 17..i told her in no uncertain terms that dating a 17 yr old is not acceptable and she assured me that it wud not happen again....

fast forward to yesterday i found out that she has let this boy inappropriately touch her when they were on the way to cadets....obviously i am very angry at this she told me it only happened once and she didnt do it again.....

what i want to know is she has been grounded for this and i have told her if this boy continues to attend cadets she will not be going again......i want to go and talk to the officers in charge there as i dont think its right for a 17yr old in a position of authority to be doing this...if he has done this to my daughter what has he done to other girls who are going there????

my daughter doesnt want me to cause a scene and has just s aid she will quit cadets but i still think i shud go talk to the officers what d u think??

thanks for any advice

tea_lover

I think you should speak to them. They need to make it clear to him that his behaviour is completely inappropriate. If this means he has to leave the organisation then so be it.

j.e.j.

If you think the guy might be abusing his position then a quiet word with someone in charge might be the first step.

It's not unusual of for a 13 year old girl to be attracted to a 17 year old, - it just needs to be handled a bit more sensitively. I am afraid that if she sees that her parent is going to punish her, she'll stop being so open and honest with you and start to hide things.

Does she actually want to go out with him?

Mojisola

Does he realise the consequences of his actions?

Does he want to go through life with his name on the sex offenders register?

peachyprice

You need to speak to the partol leader (or whatever it is they have) PDQ. This is not on, this 17yo is old enough to know better, is old enough to know it's wrong and will (should) have had it drummed into him at school that this is illegal.

Yes, a 13yo may have a crush on a 17yo, but it's up to the 17yo to stop anything happening. Why would a 17yo even be interested in a 13yo child, yuk.

Sorry to say, if it were me my daughter wouldn't be going back there until he has been told to back off and has acted upon it.

nuttyp

I would definatley go to the cadets, prefrably on an evening when she isnt attending and ask to speak to the air cadet offier in charge. If you have a telphone number you could always ring and ask to arrange a meeting.

It does sound like a breach of trust on the 17yr olds behalf.

On the other side of the fence, your very lucky your daughter is so open to you. Maybe she isnt as comfortable with this lad as you believe. She is only 13. Maybe shes after you helping stop the situation, rather than punishing her for the situation.

Good luck, hope you manage to sort things x

heartbreak_star

I had this for a while on my dance team - the boy has recently turned 17 and the girl is 14, nearly 15. I found out it was going on and spoke to the girl's mum, she seems quite happy for them to date - but she wouldn't have been if the girl was any younger or the boy any older.

If her mum had said different I would have been obliged to keep them apart as the senior authority at the group. You have to talk to those in charge.

HBS x

bonjovibel_729

nuttyp wrote: »

I would definatley go to the cadets, prefrably on an evening when she isnt attending and ask to speak to the air cadet offier in charge. If you have a telphone number you could always ring and ask to arrange a meeting.

It does sound like a breach of trust on the 17yr olds behalf.

On the other side of the fence, your very lucky your daughter is so open to you. Maybe she isnt as comfortable with this lad as you believe. She is only 13. Maybe shes after you helping stop the situation, rather than punishing her for the situation.

Good luck, hope you manage to sort things x

just to clarify she did not tell me willingly.....she told my her dads then step daughter who is the same age....then her dad fell out with his partner and her daughter threatened to tell everythin that my daughter had told her so told my daughter that i wud be best to come clean before this other girls grasses her up....

i

jetplane

I think this is how predators work. The child is made to feel special, he is in a position of authority, she is an impressionable young girl, she may be flattered that he is paying her attention. The child is told that no one will believe them or that they will be punished. She has been grounded, she has been told that she can not go to cadets while he is there and she will be afraid of the consequences and fall out if she complains.

He is in a position of authority which makes her vulnerable, in this situation he really does know better. You say she let him touch her but really he shouldn't even be trying it on. I would have a quiet word with the leader you will have their contact details so you can do it away from cadets.

hawk30

jetplane wrote: »

I think this is how predators work.

Hang on. I agree that his behaviour is inappropriate and that OP needs to speak to those in charge, but I wouldn't call him a 'predator' without stronger evidence. He could be a naive, inexperienced 17 year old boy, not used to girls liking him and so flattered by her attention that common sense has gone out of the window.

The behaviour has to stop, yes, but let's not automatically label him a sex pest.

Amanda65

I think you have an obligation to speak to a senior member of the leader group and advise what has happened. IMHO what has happened is totally inappropriate and he has completely abused his position.

Is the boy someone you know outside of air cadets (you said he had touched her on the way there so I wondered why they were travelling there together alone). Also you say in the title they are dating. Are they actually going out together ? As another poster said, why on earth would a 17 year old boy be interested in a 13 year old girl - just plain creepy !