13 yr old daughter dating a 17yr old

Tropez

Yeah, I'm not convinced we need to see him as a predator.

The behaviour does need to stop for both their sakes and this is why the OP needs to have a word with the officers and bring this to their attention as soon as possible.

It is quite possible for a 17 year old to be attracted to a 13 year old and common sense and awareness of the negative consequences of such a relationship can be ignored due to the lack of emotional and mental maturity. Some 17 year olds are still developing emotionally at this point and lack the insight to understand that this type of relationship, particularly if there is an attempt to turn it physical, simply isn't acceptable in our society.

neneromanova

I would have a quiet word with his CO (Commanding Officer) and say that this is totally unacceptable as she is underage and he is abusing his authority as a Corporal.

I will say that I was about 11 when I went to Air Cadets and fancied a Corporal. Unfortunately he didn't like me But these things can happen. I'm not looking forward to 9 years time when my DD's could be in this position.

Ivrytwr3

You been given the best advice.

a. If you instruct your daughter not to see him, most likely she will behilnd your back.

b. If you approach the lad himself, most likely the same outcome.

c. You need to approach his seniors, ie the officer instructors. They will be able to talk/warn the lad or simply get rid of him.

But i would certainly be having a discussion with your daughter about older lads!

bonjovibel_729

Thanks for all the advice i think i will go tonight and speak to one of the s senior officers....

she is not dating him at the moment i think this was just a one off thing that happened around a mnth ago...she said she did it didnt like it so told him she wud not be doin it again...

the thing that annoyed me was that she said if i told any of the officers he wud get into trouble so they both knew what they were doin is wrong and as far as i am concerned he was the older one and he knew full well what he was doin was not right ..my only concern is if he has done this to my daughter what has he been doing to other girls there who are more easily led than my daughter she obv made it clear she didnt wnt to do it again but what about other girls who are as you say flattered by the atention of an older boy??

bluenoseam

Like everyone's said, you NEED to speak to the senior leader, this is most certainly NOT allowed and will be treated with utmost importance. What you need to take to them is the proof you have & if they do not deal with this properly then you need to contact the police.

Nicki

Tropez wrote: »

Yeah, I'm not convinced we need to see him as a predator.

Me neither. Though I am in my forties now I can remember being 13, and the vast majority of my boyfriends at that time were 16/17. None of the relationships were sexual though there was some heavy snogging at the time. The same boys all still liked me when I was 17 and they were 20/21 and to the best of my knowledge none of them were in any way weirdos or predatory.

There IS an issue if the 13 year old is being forced into any activity she doesn't want because the boy has a higher rank in the air cadets. That is inappropriate and action would need to be taken if that is the case. But this may just be a simple crush between two teenagers, so I would go in with a light hand in the first instance. I can completely understand that you want to protect your little girl, but do not ruin a young man's life by making a very serious allegation against him if there isn't more than you have disclosed in your posts.

By the way, my parents would have been horrified too if they had known I was dating boys so much older at that age, and would also have tried to stop it, but its unlikely they would have had much success. Teaching your girls about staying safe and not getting involved too deep too soon is probably a better strategy than trying to keep older boys away from them, because teenage girls and boys are sneaky!

F_Bear

Hang on. I agree that his behaviour is inappropriate and that OP needs to speak to those in charge, but I wouldn't call him a 'predator' without stronger evidence.

hes clearly a wrong 'un.

Me neither. Though I am in my forties now I can remember being 13, and the vast majority of my boyfriends at that time were 16/17.

unfortunatly times have changed and children grow up to fast.

Nicki

F_Bear wrote: »

hes clearly a wrong 'un.



unfortunatly times have changed and children grow up to fast.

????

Times have changed and now 13 year old girls and 17 year old boys don't mutually fancy each other? My only point was that a 17 year old boy does not necessarily kiss or even mildly grope a consenting 13 year old girl because he is a sexual predator and dangerous, as some have suggested.

Buellguy

neneromanova wrote: »

I would have a quiet word with his CO (Commanding Officer) and say that this is totally unacceptable as she is underage and he is abusing his authority as a Corporal.

I will say that I was about 11 when I went to Air Cadets and fancied a Corporal. Unfortunately he didn't like me But these things can happen. I'm not looking forward to 9 years time when my DD's could be in this position.

This. OK I'm ex-forces (22 years). If she is a lower rank than him he could be in a lot of trouble over this, it is abuse of position

lika_86

I dated a 17 year old when I was 13. Ok he wasn't the most mature 17 year old in the world but still.

I'm not sure there's anything necessarily wrong with it if both parties have mutual interests and get along (then again I'm now in a wonderful relationship with a guy 17 years older than me so I would say that).

I'm not really sure being 17 makes a difference, most of my friends were 'inappropriately' (not sure what words I can use or if they'll be filtered out) active from about 13 regardless of whether they had an older boyfriend or were dating someone their own age.

Better to speak to your daughter about her limits and protection than start banning boys/activities.