13 yr old daughter dating a 17yr old

Faith177

He was probably more worried about him being a corp and her a cadet. This is normally frowned upon or was in my squadron.

Age probably didn't even come into it for either of them. I think both of them have got carried away with hormones, plus being away from home with older people. After all she allowed him to do it and it has since stopped after she said no.

It's not like he has continued to touch after she has said no

j.e.j.

Dunroamin wrote: »

Call me old fashioned but I don't believe that a 13 year old should be "dating" anyone!

I agree 13 is young. But it's different for different people, isn't it. I knew 12/13-year-old girls at school who were boy-mad, and others who still weren't into dating at 16-17.

What matters of course is if it's a situation where someone has abused their position of authority. Maybe a lot of this fear has come from a recent news story of that teacher swanning off with his 15-year-old charge. But this young lad is 17, and he's just doing what 17-year-old boys do, by the sound of it!

Dunroamin

Nicki wrote: »

OK, you are old fashioned

I don't think a 13 year old should be having sex, but more gentle romantic relationships at that age have been going on since the beginning of time.

I'm not old enough to go back to the beginning of time:D but one to one relationships used not to be the norm at that age.

(I don't mind being old fashioned but that isn't synonymous with wrong.;))

Erinnire

This kind of thing happens all the time in Cadets, Christ if my Mum and Dad new what I was up to away on camps etc...

But it was always consensual.

I agree 13 is too young and the 17 year old is on thin ice. I would be more inclined to go and speak to his parents rather than going to Cadets with it.

All that will happen if you go to cadets is the others will find out and it will go round the sqaudren. It is not their responsibility to deal with this kind of thing IMO.

It doesn't seem fair to risk the lad losing out on his Corporal status or leaving cadets entirely for something that can be easily sorted out.

Are you also sure that:
1. He knows how old she is
2. She is telling the truth

Bubby

What a mild mannered mother the op is, I in that situation would not react so calmly;)

It is disgusting that a 17 year would do anything with a 13 year old knowing her age. In the eyes of the law she is a minor and he is not so regardless of whether we think it is right or wrong the law states that it is wrong legally.

Faith177

Bubby wrote: »

What a mild mannered mother the op is, I in that situation would not react so calmly;)

It is disgusting that a 17 year would do anything with a 13 year old knowing her age. In the eyes of the law she is a minor and he is not so regardless of whether we think it is right or wrong the law states that it is wrong legally.

Then the girl should also be in trouble with the law too

Nine times out of ten the older one takes all the blame but when it is consensual which it appares to be in this case should both parties not be too blame.

Girls at that age can be a law unto themeselves (please don't take offence OP). I know what I was like back then and the stuff I go up too so I speak from experience

Bubby

Faith177 wrote: »

Then the girl should also be in trouble with the law too

Nine times out of ten the older one takes all the blame but when it is consensual which it appares to be in this case should both parties not be too blame.

Girls at that age can be a law unto themeselves (please don't take offence OP). I know what I was like back then and the stuff I go up too so I speak from experience

But the girl won't be in trouble legally because she is classed as a minor. If he knows her age then personally I would speak to the police but thats because if I didn't contact the police I would be likely to go round his house myself and hand out my own form of punishment (and I am not a violent person) because I do feel that it is perverted and believe the law is there for a reason.

System

When i met my first husband i was 15. He was 21. It was only when i had my own girls that i realized that technically, my parents could have had him hung drawn and quartered as he ought to have known better.

Not sure what it would have done though.

Faith177

Why should a girl get off Scott free and a boys life potentially ruined.

Yes he should of know better but what hormonal 17 year old thinks with their brains.

At 13 she knows what is what or at least most 13 year olds do. It has stopped after she said no which should be the end of it.

Having a chat with his parents is a good idea but to be honest I don't see how he can be held totally at fault the girl should take some too. Op has already said the daughter is grounded which to me makes sense

You don't need to make any more out of this than what has already been done. It is a mistake on both parties side and isn't as dark and meancing as some people are trying to make out

marisco_2

As you are well aware at just 13 your daughter is a minor, still very much a child. She is also 3 years below the age of consent.

Is your daughter a young 13 or does she look older than her years? Absolutely no offence meant by that question, I ask simply because some young ladies do look older than they are. Is this lad aware of just how young the girl he is kissing and touching up is? If he does know she is just 13 then I find his behaviour disturbing. To do what he has with a girl his age is just experimentation, to do it to a 13 year old is another thing entirely and he is getting himself into dangerous territory.

Your daughter is way to young to have the maturity to handle a teenage lads raging hormones and urges. Her interpretation of a kiss and him touching her may vary wildly from his. If things aren't addressed soon I fear she may be pressured into a situation that she cant cope with and wouldn't want.

I would have a word with the person who runs this cadets club and let them know what is going on. Any person who runs a club for young people has a duty of care to them. Nip this in the bud but at all times explain to your daughter why you are taking this approach and action. Her understanding of it will help her to respect your persepctive on it and not rebel against your advice.