13 yr old daughter dating a 17yr old

ciderwithrosie_2

I don't think people (myself included) are strange for not wanting to convict, hang, draw and quarter the boy without knowing the full story or jump on the 'must be a !!!!!' hysteria bandwagon. Sounds to me like teenagers doing what they've always done (things were no different back in the 70s when I was that age), and as a mother of 3 young adults I'm under no illusion about the inappropriate/dangerous situations they can get into.

The main thing is to try and remain calm about this and keep some perspective. An overreaction this early in the teenage years game will leave you nowhere to go if something potentially more serious happens and could damage the trust and communication between you and your daughter.

THEMONEYSPIDER_2

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

I don't think people (myself included) are strange for not wanting to convict, hang, draw and quarter the boy without knowing the full story or jump on the 'must be a !!!!!' hysteria bandwagon. Sounds to me like teenagers doing what they've always done (things were no different back in the 70s when I was that age), and as a mother of 3 young adults I'm under no illusion about the inappropriate/dangerous situations they can get into.

The main thing is to try and remain calm about this and keep some perspective. An overreaction this early in the teenage years game will leave you nowhere to go if something potentially more serious happens and could damage the trust and communication between you and your daughter.

I think you misunderstood the "strange people" comment i made earlier in the thread, i totally agree with what you have wrote above.
The strange comments, i find, are the replies of people who seem to think this situation is perfectly acceptable, normal and nothing to be concerned about.

I have teenager Daughters, and was a teenager myself not all that long ago, yes teenagers do get up to things they proberly shouldn't...
but the difference in maturity of a 13 year old, and a 17 year old are very different.

If he were 16 and she 12, would that still be ok?
how about 15 and 11?
14 and 10??

rpc

Tupperware_Queen wrote: »

I have experience with child protection issues and can I just say that regardless of whatever experience people have had in their own lives, the law is perfectly clear. Relationships with children under the age of 16, or when the elder person is in a position of responsibility, are not acceptable.

That is not what the law says.

Sexual relationships are not acceptable. Relationships are permitted. The link you use even says as much, so don't try to distort it in your reference.

Not every relationship has to involve sex and OP has, reasonably enough, not detailed what went on between the two. "Inappropriate touching" is in the eye of the beholder and it would not be reasonable to take that description as an indicator of unlawful activity. At that age, I'm pretty sure more relationships involve the idea of sex rather than the act of sex.

Saint_Chris

Amanda65 wrote: »

OP is this the same girl who was talking via Skype to the parents of a boy she met on holiday back in the summer that you weren't happy about? Is she back living with you or still with her dad?

I also wondered this when i read this thread, so i looked back over the other one, and to me it seems to be the same girl.

I'm not getting into the right or wrong of 13 v 17, think that's been done on here.

but i do think that you have a problem with your daughter, taking some of the behaviour from the other thread, she seems to say one thing then change it to something else eg, what she says about your current partner.

And she also does it to please whoever she is with at the time.

Whilst you have been going to the cadets and trying to sort it out, did you not go direct to the boys parents, and ask them to sort it out, because that for me would have been my 1st port of call, the parents.

valeriej43

I have been reading this thread with interest, i dont think the boy should be made a criminal at 17, boys of that age will try it on and if the girl is willing, as lot are these days especially they are both to blame
The problem with teenagers now is that most are not taught to say NO whatever the ages
When i was 14 i went out with 17-18 year olds, but knew when to say no,i was frightened to death of getting into "trouble" it doesnt seem to apply these days,there are so many single mothers,and as someone else pointed out,they and their boyfriends arent put on the sex offenders register
My own son was spoken to by the police,when he was 17,about his relationship with a 15 year old, and he wasnt the first to go with her, he got a caution, thank goodness, she was a willing participant so i would have been very annoyed if he had been tarred for life as a sex offender, he of course stopped seeing the girl, she had lied about her age anyway,
Girls these days are much more foreward,even 13 year olds
I think they would be better being warned --both of these two,of what COULD happen, but no need to hang draw and quarter him
They are both at an age when they are hormonal, but he didnt force himself on her,if so that would be a different matter, and it didnt go any further

sharnad

Nicki wrote: »

OK, you are old fashioned

I don't think a 13 year old should be having sex, but more gentle romantic relationships at that age have been going on since the beginning of time.

Not the case here , here its an older perve trying to get some

sharnad

Faith177 wrote: »

I know what you mean lol

If everyone took that attitude when an older teenager is attracted to a younger one at least 6 of my good friends who are now married with kids of their own and are all leading good lives would have had their futures ruined because they dated me.

If the girl is willing which she was. He stopped when she asked him I cannot see how you can class him as a predator??

At what age do you think it would not be okay for him to sexually touch the child, of she was a year you get or he was a year older

Faith177

She isn't a child she is a teenager. I think anything over 13 I would automatically assume in this day and age for the person to be getting up to something. Now be that kissing or more that is down to the individual. I know I didn't sleep with anyone till after I was 16 but did stuff before that.

Of course he is getting some she allowed him from what I've read. More to the point a pervert, predator, pedo ect wouldn't hasn't stopped when she told him and that to me says a lot

thehappybutterfly

To me it doesn't matter if a 13 year old girl 'consents' to s e x with an older boy/man. It's statutory rape. The age of consent is 16 for a reason - any younger and they don't have the maturity to make a decision like that. Regardless of how mature we as parents or they themselves think they are. They're children at the end of the day.

I AM old fashioned and proud of it. I'm only in my early 40's, I'm outgoing, fun-lovin' and don't act my age but I do have strong morals and I'm dismayed at the casual attitude many people have towards sexual activity. Kids are starting far too young, doing it with too many people and not taking any responsibility for contraception. I really worry for some of these kids.

Faith177

But on the occasion there was no sex from what I could gather.

Teenagers are growing up quicker now and society needs to accept this and arm them with the knowledge on how too cope. My mum taught me most things when I was about 10 and I knew I could go to her with anything.

A lot of teenagers don't have this support due to outdated opinions that they just shouldn't be doing it so why do they need any help.