How to get over it - or get divorced?

HeadAboveWater

Would you treat your own biological kid any different to his kids?

unsure21

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

Would you treat your own biological kid any different to his kids?

Never deliberately. Not when they were with us. (They stay here alternate weekends so I'd physically have more time with my own child).

HeadAboveWater

Ok. So if you wouldn't treat his kids any differently than if they were your own, why do you feel the need to be thinking about ditching him if you can't have kids with him?

nickj_2

surely you either love the man or you don't , if you suddenly found yourself pregnant tomorrow would that make everything ok ?

POPPYOSCAR

unsure21 wrote: »

This is what I struggle with. One day I think he is enough, then something will happen to trigger my desire to have a child again and I'll start feeling the way I do all over again. Then I'll bring it up again and I'll say I'll want to leave. We'll seperate for a week then I'll decide I just can't do without him, because despite what impression people are getting I do love him and so the cycle continues.

You see, to most of us when you love someone all you want is to be with them, nothing else matters in the big scheme of things.

unsure21

I don't know, I really wish I did then I could get passed this. I can't explain it. Because I love him, I want him/her to be his. When I see friends baby's/small children's pictures and you can really see their parents in them. I was willing to get over this and just accept it couldn't happen. Then he said the above comment and it really set me back/made me worry.

hieveryone

unsure21 wrote: »

My earlier post on why I wouldn't have a sperm donor:
"The thought of a sperm donor baby leaves me cold. And he told me in anger once that if we split up he would cut the child off "because it wouldn't be his anyway". He has since apologised and tried to take it back, but I just can;t get it out of my mind."

Unfortunately he has planted the seed of doubt and since this comment I would always feel he is treating them differently to his biological children etc.

I wouldn't want to marry someone like this never mind have a child with them.

unsure21

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

You see, to most of us when you love someone all you want is to be with them, nothing else matters in the big scheme of things.

Nothing else that is "trivial" matters to me more than being with him. careers, money, where we live, holidays etc. But wanting child and a family does matter to me.
This is what is causing the conflict, I DO want to be with him, but also with his biological child too. And if I can't have both, I don't know which one I will sacrifice.

unsure21

nickj wrote: »

surely you either love the man or you don't , if you suddenly found yourself pregnant tomorrow would that make everything ok ?

Pretty much yes.

unsure21

hieveryone wrote: »

I wouldn't want to marry someone like this never mind have a child with them.

I understand the way I'm selling this point does make him sound like a monster. I've said horrible things that I've regretted in anger to him too so I've forgiven him. I just can't forget.