How to get over it - or get divorced?

HeadAboveWater

Sounds like your 'goal' or dream in life is to have kids, not to be in love, and be happy in a great relationship. That part doesn't seem to matter as much to you.

MissKeith

If you really are narcissistic, it's probably best if you do not have children. Harsh maybe but the narcissistic mothers thread on here has moved me to tears on more than one occasion.

unsure21

peachyprice wrote: »

So you love him enough to provide babies, but just him isn't enough for you?

There's your answer, don't waste anymore of each other's lives. I think this relationship was always going to be doomed as you saw him as nothing more than a glorified sperm donor.

I hope you both find people who appreciate you for the people you are, not just the condition of your reproductive organs.

I don't agree with this at all. I don't see how wanting to have a biological child with your Husband means you are only valuing them by the quality of their organs! If I saw men as nothing more than glorified sperm donors, I'd have had a child by a random bloke years ago! If I needed a kidney and he wasn't a suitable donor I wouldn't split up with him!

peachyprice

unsure21 wrote: »

I do not want a "babydaddy". I want a biological child with someone I love.

You just don't get it do you. If not being able to have babies with a man you're supposed to love means you ditch him, you don't love him enough to be having babies with him in the first place, especially as the possibility was always there.

A low sperm count after a vasectomy reversal was always going to pose a problem in conceiving, but you went ahead and married him any way. THAT is your fault, not his.

unsure21

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

Sounds like your 'goal' or dream in life is to have kids, not to be in love, and be happy in a great relationship. That part doesn't seem to matter as much to you.

No. My goal is to have a family with the person I am in love with. And at present I can't have both of them.

unsure21

peachyprice wrote: »

You just don't get it do you. If not being able to have babies with a man you're supposed to love means you ditch him, you don't love him enough to be having babies with him in the first place, especially as the possibility was always there.

A low sperm count after a vasectomy reversal was always going to pose a problem in conceiving, but you went ahead and married him any way. THAT is your fault, not his.

Just because I do not agree with your opinion, does not mean I do not "get it".

HeadAboveWater

unsure21 wrote: »

No. My goal is to have a family with the person I am in love with. And at present I can't have both of them.

So you gotta work out which is your priority.

The title of your thread says it all... 'or do I get divorced?'

You're willing to give up the guy you're in love with just because it's apparently HIS fault you can't have kids and because for whatever reasons known only to yourself you don't want to go through IVF?!

unsure21

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

So you gotta work out which is your priority.

The title of your thread says it all... 'or do I get divorced?'

You're willing to give up the guy you're in love with just because it's apparently HIS fault you can't have kids and because for whatever reasons known only to yourself you don't want to go through IVF?!

This is what I struggle with. One day I think he is enough, then something will happen to trigger my desire to have a child again and I'll start feeling the way I do all over again. Then I'll bring it up again and I'll say I'll want to leave. We'll seperate for a week then I'll decide I just can't do without him, because despite what impression people are getting I do love him and so the cycle continues.

hieveryone

I'm not in your position, nor would I like to me.

So from an outsider looking in, and putting myself in your shoes - I would do ANYTHING I could to make this a possibility. I couldn't rest easy on myself or have it on my conscience that I didn't try every avenue to get what I wanted. The fact that you're shutting off one of those avenues is perhaps telling of a deeper feeling here.

Lastly, with regards to sperm donors/adoption etc i'll leave you with this quote which is on a mug I recently bought for my stepdad:

'Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy'.

unsure21

hieveryone wrote: »

I'm not in your position, nor would I like to me.

So from an outsider looking in, and putting myself in your shoes - I would do ANYTHING I could to make this a possibility. I couldn't rest easy on myself or have it on my conscience that I didn't try every avenue to get what I wanted. The fact that you're shutting off one of those avenues is perhaps telling of a deeper feeling here.

Lastly, with regards to sperm donors/adoption etc i'll leave you with this quote which is on a mug I recently bought for my stepdad:

'Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy'.

My earlier post on why I wouldn't have a sperm donor:
"The thought of a sperm donor baby leaves me cold. And he told me in anger once that if we split up he would cut the child off "because it wouldn't be his anyway". He has since apologised and tried to take it back, but I just can;t get it out of my mind."

Unfortunately he has planted the seed of doubt and since this comment I would always feel he is treating them differently to his biological children etc.