How to get over it - or get divorced?

seven-day-weekend

I'm sure he did what he felt to be right at the time. Even if he WAS stupid, it was before he even met you, he was honest about it and he has done what he can to put it right. It is not a crime to be stupid. What else can he do, other than what he has done.

clearing_out_my_pockets

Sorry I've had another thought. If when you married him you believed that his sperm count was 'low' surely it was always in the back of your mind that IVF may have been needed. Out of interest, would you have considered it if it was indeed low instead of zero?

Scorpio33

My wife and I were very close to having to accept not having children. Luckily enough from IVF we now have our first child together.

The mindset you need to try and get into is that you Love him for who he is, not what he can or can't give you. The relationship is the cake, and the baby is the cherry on top of the icing - the cake is still good without the cherry. Maybe not as good as it could have been, but still great. Accept him for who he is.

Many a time we were facing a life without children - and it is tough going through this. Even tougher if there is no problem with one person in the relationship - as the one with the problem will always be feeling that they are holding back the other one. With the other thinking that about what if I was with someone else then I wouldn't have these issues.

All I can say is hang on in there and things will get better - but most of all communicate with your other half. Chances are that he is feeling similar things to what you are and you need to have an honest chat.

If you really can't see a life with him without kids, then you need to tell him this, and put a time limit on how long you can go on like this.

FBaby

You say that he'd the snip when you first met him, do you mean you started going out with him shortly afterwards? Was it an affair? Wondering as you also mention the horrible ex which often go together.

Anyway, it sounds like you had your life all mapped out, getting the reversal and making sure it worked before getting married, expecting to fall pregnant soon after that but the plan didn't go to work and you are taking your disappointment on him? Are you saying that had the reversal not be successful, you wouldn't have married him? You do indeed come across as very bitter, which I can only assume is because of the disappointment. How long has it been since you've found out his count was zero?


Personally, I think that if you are not prepared to go through IVF because of how it would affect YOU (no consideration towards what he would have to go through to get sperm extracted...), or not prepared to take a chance on the costs...then maybe you don't really love him as much you claim.

Your last post does make him sound like he is nothing more than a commodity but hopefully this is only because of your disappointment and anger.

In the end, no-one can tell you what to do because there are no guarantee you be happy in the end with whatever choice you make. All come with the risk of not getting all your wishes true, and only you can decide which risk you are prepared to take.

heartbreak_star

I think you maybe have some issues you need to sort within yourself before having a child. Do you want your current OH, or just a babydaddy? You seem to be taking your frustration out on him. Maybe narcissism is in there, but one of the other posters is right in that your last post just sounds selfish...like you want a child to him so you can go "There! See! I AM just as good as his ex!!".

I would certainly suggest a trip to the docs regarding your own fertility too. If nothing else it eliminates the possibility.

Why won't you consider counselling?

HBS x

lolavix

His 'stupidity'?! Wow how narrow minded. He obviously did it for a reason and you knew before you married yet you're now backtracking, I feel sorry for the poor bloke!

Wilma33

You say you don't want to put your body or your bank balance thorugh IVF. Pregnacy and childbirth puts your body through a lot worse, and supporting a child for 18 years (or 21 years, 25 years, etc) costs much, much more than IVF.

POPPYOSCAR

Be careful what you wish for - you might just get it!!

Your posts are honest but you do come across as selfish and one sided in all of this.

I only hope you realise that if you do eventually become a mother, that the child has to be the focus of attention and not you.

Lovelyjoolz

Your posts come across entirely like a spoiled brat. But it's this:

unsure21 wrote: »

I will always put my needs first

that makes me think that you really shouldn't ever be a mother.

fluffnutter

How do you know that you wouldn't need IVF anyway, even if you had an incredibly fertile partner? Most of your posts seem to have an undercurrent of anger at your husband; this really is no way to approach the possibility of children together.

As an aside, I conceived my child via IVF (due to issues with my egg quality). If I thought for a moment that my husband thought this was 'my fault' I'd be heartbroken.