It is only once a week now...

expatasia

belgiumwaffle wrote: »

Middled aged.

That would explain quite a bit. How long have you been together?

zaksmum

I'm surprised the poor man can raise a smile, never mind anything else.

Give him a break and just enjoy each other's company for now.

belgiumwaffle

not sure what you mean zakmum

expatasia it explains that he is working 12 hours a day and he is tired, other than reading the posts in the thread I don't know how else to explain it, if the explanation you mean is impotence and the need for the blue viagra pills etc absolutely not, it is just tiredness and now a very much lack of time,not medical, middle age does make it less than in youth but does not have to be health wise, last time I saw him, this morning, he had no medical problems and went off to work just fine.

mountainofdebt

I think what zaksmum was referring to was the fact that its your Oh that is under pressure to perform, in a manner deemed appropriate.

zaksmum

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I think what zaksmum was referring to was the fact that its your Oh that is under pressure to perform, in a manner deemed appropriate.

That's right mountainofdebt.

Putting an older guy under that kind of pressure will pretty much guarantee he won't be able to manage to perform.

claire16c

Im in my 20s and from talking to friends, no one I know does it 2-3 times a week unless they met the person a month ago or something. Most of us work 10-12 hour days with a commute and are knackered when we get home. And frankly have other stuff to do as well as having sex.

Or pop over to the ttc thread, where plenty of people arent managing it that often - and we need to, to get pg!

I dont think its necessarily an age thing.

Yes it comes down to whats normal for the couple, but I dont see why you cant free up some time, batch cooking on a Sunday?? Why cant you do that in the week?

Is it really about sex, or is it that youre not getting quality time together because you are either visiting other people or doing jobs?

aylithuk

I feel for you Belgiumwaffle.

I haven't had sex with my OH pretty much a year to date due to uemployment stress and now that he's employed work stress and hours lol

We still are very intimacy with cuddling, always touching, in jokes, texting we love each other at odd moments, snogging sessions etc

If your like me it can knock you for six if you were having it so much because you start thinking itself you but if you speak with him I bet he'll say he's too tired and stressed. You need to have that chat and it will help you.

Hell when I think about it one of the main reason I miss sex is the release it gives. Best way to blow of steam if you had a bad day at work.

expatasia

zaksmum wrote: »

Putting an older guy under that kind of pressure will pretty much guarantee he won't be able to manage to perform.

Bang on, if you pardon the expression. Plus more key is the lack of variety - that goes for the majority of blokes I reckon.

daisiegg

I can sympathise with the long hours. My OH is out of the house from 6am every day and arrives home at 7.30pm at the latest, though a couple of nights a week it is likely to be later. Added to this, he is only at home two weekends a month. It is tiring, but it is life, and in today's economic climate (particularly in the industry in which he works) we're just grateful and relieved that he still has a job.

We both have quite high sex drives but we don't have sex twice a week, nothing like it. For us to have sex on a week night would be very, very rare. We have lights off before 10!

We cope with this in two ways. Firstly, we are very intimate in other ways. When we are together we will constantly be cuddling and touching. We snuggle up on the sofa and I rub his feet/he massages my shoulders etc, all the time. We must say 'I love you' (and mean it!) a dozen times a day. Also, and I hope this doesn't drift into 'TMI' territory, but we are quite flirty and sexual without actually doing anything. E.g. I might grab his bum as he walks by, he might stick his hand up my top while we're watching TV or come in and grope me while I'm cooking and my hands aren't free to protest.....just silly, very playful light hearted little things that don't lead to anything, but still remind us both that we are sexy to each other and that we do have intimacy. I don't think I could cope with the lack of sex if we didn't have all this other physical and emotional intimacy on a daily basis.

OP, is it actually sex you are missing or is it intimacy more generally? Because there are lots of ways to introduce that into a relationship without forcing people to have sex when they're tired...

The other thing I do is make sure that his two weekends a month when he is at home are completely free from chores. The only thing he might have to do is some gardening, which he enjoys and finds relaxing anyway. I get everything done during the week and on the other two weekends a month when he is not here (unless I am away with him, which I am sometimes). This way he can really relax on those weekends and it leaves us free to make up for lost time! Which we do.

As someone else has said, I am only in my twenties but I can't think of any of my friends who are working who have sex multiple times a week. I think unfortunately it's just life! You need to make sure your relationship is healthy in all other ways as much as possible, and then I think the lack of frequent sex becomes much less of a problem.

belgiumwaffle

Zaksmum my OH is not ill in any way, he has never not been able to perform, I never said anything about his performance, just tired and our time has been taken off us.

I see that 3 months adjustment is not enough, I thought I had been patient and understanding but see that is not right, I should give it more time, we spoke last night, he asked for the conversation not me and we have more than cleared the air,I reckon I felt left behind, so much change, so much time gone, so much get up work bed and repeat, we had more time, now we havent we are grateful of course, to have a job is absolutely fantastic it just has some things we need to adjust to.

We said give it another 3 months get to the 6 months stage and if it is really making all this suffering then we will talk again.

Claire 16 Everyone is different like you say and I can tell you about many a 20's that do it more than 2 times a week as you can tell me different.
until OH got this job just over 3 months ago and his hours increased we did do it 2 times a week and 3 maybe like I said if we were on holiday, it was bank holidays,over xmas,easter that type of thing, it is about having the time, not being tired and having the want. Yes it is about the sex, intimacy, quality time, yes it is about the sex. No we don't get the time.


aylithuk yes we do kiss and cuddle etc and laugh and joke not so much the texts as he is busy ,the release can make you feel a whole lot better.That is what I mean I never intended to feel like I was forcing people to have sex like daisegg says. That is the thing forced sex is hardly the same as want is it?