worries over having only 1 child....'only childs' views needed!

mogwai

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

Thank you very much for everyone's comments.
Person1: The age gap plays heavy on my mind. If I were to get pregnant our son would be at least 8 and while he's starting 'big school' and doing homework and research they'll be a 3 year old toddling around. Totally different stages of childhood, I worry my son would resent the sibling for getting more attention etc.

I havent read through the whole thread but just to give my opinion/experience - my sister and I have a 7.5 year gap, but apart from a few years when we were growing up being at different life stages, we've been best friends ever since. I speak to her most days and we've been through most major life experiences together.

Without exception, every single only child I have ever spoken to about the subject has said they hated being an only child and that they would never wish that on anyone else. One of them said he used to see other people doing things with their siblings and feel jealous that he couldnt have the same thing. I couldnt imagine life without my siblings to support/support me.

I realise that experience is different for other people but I would agree that even a sibling that you argue with/dont get on with but who will ultimately be there for you is better than none at all.

OrkneyStar

My son is an only child, through choice by us. He is a happy, sociable little lad, and loves school, just joined anchor boys and loving it, plays footie once a week, has female and male friends. He might gain something from having a sibling, more than likely, but the bottom line is there isn't going to be one, so we/he make the best of what we do have . I have a sister, 5 yrs my senior, we have been close-ish at times, but tbh now we don't really have much of a relationship, other than through our kids (she has 2 and I have DS, as a I said). She lives much closer to mum, yet I often despair of how little time she spends with her or actually appreciates her (mum has some faults, but overall is a kind, generous, happy lady, despite various ailments!). I am really close to mum, was close to dad (though he died when I was 17), mum and I actually more like sisters than sister and I! Each to their own, I feel sad for those who want a/more kid(s) or sinblings than they can have but ultimately you need to make the best of what you have got, and forget about what you wish you had!

ETA, I really hope not to come across any of the posters here, who are clearly making their only children feel like victims or somehow disadvantaged in some way for not having a sibling, please keep that sort of negative crap to yourself and do not pass it on to other innocent kids!

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

That's true of some families and some siblings, but many stay close as adults. I know (adult) sets of siblings everywhere along the continuum from utter hatred to best friends.

Its something you really can't generalise about.

I agree, which is why I was saying that you shouldn't assume that having a sibling would make stop you from being lonely.

(I also didn't say anything about families not being emotionally close, I was talking about geographical closeness.)

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

I agree, which is why I was saying that you shouldn't assume that having a sibling would make stop you from being lonely.

(I also didn't say anything about families not being emotionally close, I was talking about geographical closeness.)

Many stay geographically close as well.

OrkneyStar

Person_one wrote: »

Many stay geographically close as well.

I think we are going round in circles lol (only quoting you as yours was the last post on this, not picking on you, sorry!).
Bottom line is, you will never get the answer to how many kids you have by asking folk on an internet forum, that is the truth of it OP. You will get opinions, all (well nearly all) will be valid and reflect the persons unique circumstance. Good look whatever you do!

Violet8

I will chime in with my experience here as an only child but I echo others who are saying that you must do what you feel is best for you and your husband, not to try and avoid some future situation that may not happen anyway! (i.e. your son feeling disadvantaged by being an only)

On top of being an only, my parents were both older when they had me and not particularly close to their families so I had no cousins etc of a similar age in the family either. I can honestly say that I can't ever recall thinking that I wanted a sibling. In fact I have multiple memories of thinking the exact opposite! I had friends round often when I was small but I was quite content to play on my own, and to this day am a very independent and introverted person which is why I think it never bothered me. I don't think it happened the other way around i.e. being an only made me that way, I think being that way meant I was delighted being an only.

I don't feel it has disadvantaged me in the slightest, I'm a bit shy the same as lots of people with siblings are, but I've turned out OK. I see it as a really good thing too that I am quite content to do lots of things on my own and don't always have to be in touch with someone like a lot of people seem to need.

Of all my friends and family, only one out of many has what I'd say is a "close" relationship with their siblings, the rest range from not disliking them but not being in touch either to active hatred. Obviously my experience is unique and things depend on what type of personality your child has, but this generalisation of "kids need a sibling" is not true