worries over having only 1 child....'only childs' views needed!

mildred1978

OneYorkshireLass wrote: »

I'm an only one.

I hate it.

Simple as, really.

But as others have said, it's down to your unique circumstances.

I'm one of 2. Would have been a million times happier as an only.

FATBALLZ

Me and my partner have this argument, she is an only child, I have 4 siblings. She thinks she'd have been happier with a brother or sister, I would have been much happier without any of mine. There's no right answer.

Bellaire*

I am 28 and an only child. It is completely down to the individual how many children to have, however I will add a few of my experiences.

My main fear is the death of my parents. No siblings = no one to help with funeral etc at the worst time, and no emotional support from a sibling.
When my mum is older I worry that I maybe too busy with my own family to care for her but if I had siblings we could share this and I wouldn't feel racked with constant guilt.
Talking of guilt, I spend a lot of time worrying about how much time I actually spend with them, as it is only one child going to visit during the week etc.
I recall spending my evenings as a teenager wishing so hard for a sibling so I didn't have to occupy myself so much.
I remember my infant summer holidays being long (HOT!!) and slow as I was lonely.
Now as an adult I crave time alone when surrounded by others eg a weekend away with friends will leave me needing a break everyday whereas my friends almost thrive on the chaos.
I am a happy person, yet these are just my experiences ��

miss_independent

Technically, I'm one of six (all half siblings, 3 boys, 3 girls). I have only met two of my brothers and due to a mahoosive age gap, I was the only child in the house growing up. I was an accidental pregnancy, my parents were older when I was born, both in their second marriage and not wanting any more children. I do wish I had a full blooded sibling who was close in age to me and frequently asked my parents for a little sister. Mum went through menopause whilst I little and I don't think she wanted anymore children.

Here's how I feel about being an "Only Child By Proxy". I've never felt like I belonged, everyone in my family was older than me. I had lots of friends and hobbies but no one to giggle with in room when the lights went out, mostly no one to play with (friends only came round for a few hours at the weekend), no one to complain to about Mum and Dad, no one to splash around in the bath with when I was a tot, or share clothes with as a teenager, no one to threaten boyfriends with (don't you dare hurt my sister!) etc etc. As my parents get older and I worry, I have no one to share those worries with who uniquely understands. When my parents die, I won't have siblings around me to go through the grieving process with, who remember the funny things they did and who share the same memories as me. I won't have anyone to help share the care of my parents with as they get elderly.

My parents and I are extremely close. I feel a massive amount of responsibility to them. I have felt I have had to be everything to them and have always been an over-achiever. I don't have a lot of family around me, it's just the three of us. If I'm lucky enough to have a husband and children of my own one day, they won't have Aunts and Uncles or first cousins on my side. I've always felt very lonely. I find it hard to share my space with people because I've never had to. Teachers used to comment that I came across as a little adult and found it hard to let go and my parents and I believed this was because the majority of my time was spent around adults. Even though I had lots of friends, my relationship with my parents was almost like a partnership, I was treated as an adult and "slotted" into their lives rather than having parents who had chosen to "raise a family" if that makes sense.

Silly things hurt. Most of my friends have lots of sisters and as a result, I've never been asked to be a bridesmaid or a god-mother because the sisters are always asked first and I'm no ones sister (well REAL sister) so I have no one to ask me. When my friends are really stuck for someone to go to something with (a film, a "date" to a wedding, a holiday etc), one of their sisters goes with them. And, as an outsider, you can see this bond that siblings have and it's something I've never been part of and, if I'm honest, have always longed to. I might witness a giggle or whisper between sisters, a gentle ribbing by brothers, over hear them call a parent by the secret nickname they made up in childhood and I'm just not part of that...

I personally would never choose to have only one child, purely because of my experience. Ideally, I would love 3 or 4 children. Even if I had one and couldn't physically give birth to another, I would look at other options because I don't want my children to feel as alone as me. I also wouldn't intentionally choose to have a big age gap. I've seen only children go on to get a sibling at 10, 11 + years old and seen them feel pushed aside or "replaced". The only sibling (brother) that I do have sort of contact with was very resentful at my birth and he was 20 when I born, but in the few times I did see him growing up he took it out on me. So.....if you do decide to have another child then perhaps consider doing it sooner rather than later.

marywooyeah

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

I agree glitter_fairy.

My youngest brother is 11 years younger than me and we are probably the closest! He was my little baby when he was born

My youngest brother was 12 years younger than me and I ended up taking on a caregiving role for him which I impacted on me having a childhood, although it did prepare me for motherhood when my rainbow baby arrived so there were pros and cons to the age gap.

I have a four and a half year old who keeps asking for a sibling, my husband is ready but I am in my last year of my degree and need to complete a post grad course afterwards, so OP I can empathise with you with your business taking off it's not the best time to have another in that respect, but then again they say there's never a good time to have a baby!

If you haven't used contraception for 4 years then I would take the view that you have effectively been trying for a baby for 4 years. I really hope that you get a useful outcome of your refferal, have you had a look on the trying to concieve thread? x

System

I had 6 years of being an only child. I always wanted siblings. In some ways as my rents are divorced i kind of used to wish i had a full sibling so at least one other person knew what i was going through

Incdiently i did get three (half-but they are whole to me)) siblings after that with a 6 year, 9 year and 10 year age gap. I do feel the age gap puts a bit of distance between us, my siblings are all a lot closer to each other and sometimes i feel like the odd one out, but i did love having younger siblings and being the eldest. i'm very protective of them.

Dunroamin

I'm an only child and wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

londonsurrey

I was raised as an only child. Overall, quite happy with it.

My little brother was born when I was 17, and he was lovely. He's dead now. He died when he was 17.

I have a sister I was not raised with, and had contact with her a few years ago. She's a drama llama dipstick, and dishonest with it. Quite frankly, having got to know her, I don't regret not having spent a childhood with her.

Supernatural

I'm an only child and I almost thank my parents daily! Mother wanted more I suspect but father said no, I was never spoilt and have good values. I've never wanted any siblings, was never lonely as a kid, I had friends over and I saw first hand how they were with their brothers and sisters (oh, the fights!). I had my toys and a vivid imagination, would happily play for hours on my own.

I think the best thing is it's made me very self reliant, I don't 'need' anyone to make me feel complete, I live alone now after my relationship broke up and I'm perfectly happy with my own company.

If you decide to stay with one child don't think you are ruining his life or anything, there's many only children out here that are perfectly content

lilrahi

I am one of 7.

The age difference between my eldest and youngest sibling is 21 years :eek:

We see each other every school holidays, my eldest sister takes huge offense if we don't speak every 2/3 days. Our children are all best friends and I wouldn't change it for the world.

DH is exactly the same. He is also one of 7 and his sister is his best friend. She is his advisor, his confidant, his conscience. I might have gotten jealous, if I didn't also like her so much!

I have two children, one boy and one girl and my reasons for not having any more is because I've had 3 c-sections and I don't want anymore.