worries over having only 1 child....'only childs' views needed!

Threebabes

Im a twin, she drives me mad but I wouldnt be without her. DH has two siblings, hes middle and he isnt bothered with either of them. They are close though.

I have 3, I love having 3, I think I may have had 4 if DH would've let me :-).

I do not think with having the 3 that they have ever done without or been deprieved of anything. Dh has a good job. The 3 of them get on great together. They are 8, 12 and 16. The 8 yr old girl gets on great with her 16 yr old brother and the 8 and 12 yr old are best buds.

So if you do decide to go ahead don't worry about the age gap. It is a personal choice. Dh would've stopped at 2 kids but to think I may never have had my lovely little girl makes me really sad. Shes so full of fun and pulls us all together as a family.

Good luck with your decision.

Molly41

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think that's what happens, I think its just that some people have different experiences to you.

Surely you don't believe every single only child feels the same way you do about it?

There are lots of people on here saying they'd have hated to have siblings, or that they have siblings and wish they didn't. Well, I love my sibling and we're very close but that doesn't mean the people who feel differently are wrong!

Of course only children have positive upbringings - that is their lived experience just as mine is negative. The OP asked for views from ONLY CHILDREN - not posters who argue against those views and lived experiences:(

Gonzo33

I am an only child. I love it, always have. Maybe I won't when my parents get old and they want me to look after them though.

valk_scot

I'm one of two, my sister is four years older than me. We weren't close when we were young but once we got to be adults and especially when we had other life problems we became close and now we have a very supportive relationship. I should also point out that one of the reasons we weren't close is that we spent several years of our childhood hardly seeing each other and I did feel something of an only child, which was quite lonely at times. I'd have liked her around more.

I have two kids, a boy of 16 and a girl of 11. I'm not thrilled with the age gap and it doesn't help that they're not the same sex but they are close, they bicker and poke each other one minute and the next they gang up against us, lol. I'm happy though that they've got someone else, both DH and I are older parents and we won't be around for them as long as we'd like.

As to pregnancy, OP, I've had three babies and every pregnancy has been different. Just because your first was difficult doesn't mean another one will be. Remember you were very young at the time and doubtless under a lot of stress. Your body and mind are more mature now, you're at an ideal age to carry a child and you've got a loving and supportive partner. No promises but next time round could be easier.

Felicity

This is a subject very close to my heart.

I have a 5 year old boy who is an only child. I desperately wanted a sibling for him and he desperately wants a sibling but we now accept that isn't going to happen.

It is something that I think about daily and he asks about daily and I know he feels as though he is missing out on something being an only child.

Saying that though, I have a brother and I have no contact with him at all now which saddens me deeply.

I ensure that our home is always welcome and open. We have more friends (of his age) than we have time to see and we are fortunate to have many lovely people in our lives who bring a lot of companionship to him. At the end of the day though when people go home, he is bathed and goes to bed on his own .

For special days out to theme parks etc I borrow a child / cousin to ensure he has the joy and companionship that only another child can bring (regardless of how much childish we, as parents can be).

For holidays, we always ensure we go to places with lots of other families around and my little boy is confident and makes friends very easily.

He has recently started school and he has school photos next month, all the children's siblings are invited to attend to have their photos taken together. I am really not looking forward to that as I know he will feel as though he is different. We did have some family photos taken with his cousins last year and I will remind him of that and show him the photos to hopefully boost his confidence on the day.

I know he has many advantages by being an older child (and I thank the other posters on this thread for reminding me of that) however I always feel as though there will be a gap in his life.

**dancingbutterfly**

wow thank you so much for everyone's input!

Ive read all replies and thank you.

Peachyprice: I very much agree, I seriously don't think i'll ever be able to get pregnant again but we're going to go to the first fertility appointment and go from there. Like you say the choice may already be out of our hands. We very much believe in ''if it's meant to be it'll happen'' but ao far it isnt meant to be lol!

We're looking at it quite practically, house wise (we're in a 2 up 2 down, private rented) business wise, money wise...having a baby would really put everything up in the air. But hubby also said if we really wanted another baby we wouldn't care about these things.

We've decided that we'll try properly (tracking ovulation, etc) for 3/4 months, go to fertility appointments and if no baby we'll stop trying and i'll have a coil or something.

I just feel really sad that my son will have our elderly care all up to him. I don't want to burden him whatsoever, but id love him to have someone to grieve with and who's in the same boat.

I think Ive pretty much talked myself into it now!

Thanks all again

mildred1978

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

I just feel really sad that my son will have our elderly care all up to him. I don't want to burden him whatsoever, but id love him to have someone to grieve with and who's in the same boat.

I think Ive pretty much talked myself into it now!

Thanks all again

Who says it will be that way. He could move to Australia or the USA (or any other country). Being your sole child shouldn't make him responsible for you in your old age.

There's also no guarantee that as siblings they would be on speaking terms as adults and so the opportunity to 'share' the grief would not be there.

Both odd reasons to bring a child into the world IMO.

On the other hand, have you considered adoption?

**dancingbutterfly**

mildred1978 wrote: »

Who says it will be that way. He could move to Australia or the USA (or any other country). Being your sole child shouldn't make him responsible for you in your old age.

There's also no guarantee that as siblings they would be on speaking terms as adults and so the opportunity to 'share' the grief would not be there.

Both odd reasons to bring a child into the world IMO.

On the other hand, have you considered adoption?

I don't mean my son will be wholly responsibly for us. I would never expect him to do this. Its just family experience which shows me this.

My beloved nan died last thursday and she had 5 children, 3 girls, 2 boys. The girls were there for 3 days and nights solid until she passed. My father and my uncle have had a lot less to do with her.

Every person is totally different I understand. There are more reasons than those above, like giving my son a lifelong companion, having wonderful experiences with a baby, toddler,school child, everything!

We have considered adoption and a good friend of ours has 2 adopted children. We may go down that route if I am a 'no go'!

**dancingbutterfly**

Felicity wrote: »

This is a subject very close to my heart.

I have a 5 year old boy who is an only child. I desperately wanted a sibling for him and he desperately wants a sibling but we now accept that isn't going to happen.

It is something that I think about daily and he asks about daily and I know he feels as though he is missing out on something being an only child.

Saying that though, I have a brother and I have no contact with him at all now which saddens me deeply.

I ensure that our home is always welcome and open. We have more friends (of his age) than we have time to see and we are fortunate to have many lovely people in our lives who bring a lot of companionship to him. At the end of the day though when people go home, he is bathed and goes to bed on his own .

For special days out to theme parks etc I borrow a child / cousin to ensure he has the joy and companionship that only another child can bring (regardless of how much childish we, as parents can be).

For holidays, we always ensure we go to places with lots of other families around and my little boy is confident and makes friends very easily.

He has recently started school and he has school photos next month, all the children's siblings are invited to attend to have their photos taken together. I am really not looking forward to that as I know he will feel as though he is different. We did have some family photos taken with his cousins last year and I will remind him of that and show him the photos to hopefully boost his confidence on the day.

I know he has many advantages by being an older child (and I thank the other posters on this thread for reminding me of that) however I always feel as though there will be a gap in his life.

Thanks for your post Felicity.

Im sorry you're unable to have any more children My son has only said once 'why haven't I got a bro or sis?' and has never asked if so and so can come on days out. Tbh Ive never thought I must make sure we have friends over a lot. He is very sociable and easy going and extremely laid back like his dad. I think he just goes with the flow! His dad and him are peas in a pod, soooo alike, they play together every night, all weekend and have a fantastic relationship.

Just goes to show every family is hugely diverse

themull1

My mam said she was lonely growing up, but some kids like all the attention. Entirely personal choice.