worries over having only 1 child....'only childs' views needed!

SuzieSue

pulliptears wrote: »

A lot of the issues with Mum stem from my only child status I think. As I said earlier they had lost a child already so I was very smothered. Even now if I don't call her daily or see her at least every other day she will sulk. It's a very complicated relationship really, I don't always like her very much and she can be extremely selfish.

She wouldn't accept care from anyone else, yes, there may come a time when she really has no choice but I guess its easier for me at present to just get on with it and keep the peace to some extent.

Believe me I could make a thread of a 100 pages +

I do feel for you and have a close friend in a very similar situation with a very difficult mother. However, I don't think it would have made much difference whether you were an only child or not. My friend has 2 siblings but because her mother is so difficult she is the only one who looks after her. There is usually only one sibling who, like you and my friend, have a sense of duty and feel obliged to make sacrifices to look after their parents if the parents are difficult.

The only reason I can see for having more than one child is because it is helpful to have siblings sharing our grief when your parents die. However, I think that parents with only children can do a lot to ensure that their children are sociable and know how to make and keep friends. If the only child has close friends then they should be able to cope as well as if they had siblings.

Dunroamin

Molly41 wrote: »

I hate these only child threads as views are so polarised - nothing personal to the OP and no offence. If you search you find old threads with the same points of view. You ask for views from an only child but other posters constantly argue against them and belittle them.

Im an only child and a very miserable existence it was and still is today. I have posted three times before about how lonely I was and still am and have been shouted down in a very insensitive manner. I second and agree with all Pulliptears has stated.

Only YOU can make the decision that is right for your family.

I don't really understand how having a sibling when an adult is going to stop you being lonely. The chances of living in the same area likely to be slight and you'd probably only see them on big family occasions, particularly when your parents are gone.

**dancingbutterfly**

Personally as a 27 year old woman I am very close to all of my 3 brothers. We speak every couple of days and see each other about the same. But they're 24, 21 and 16! so still littluns'!

My whole family is very close. My best friends are 2 of my cousins. But whether i'll be able to say the same in 30 years we'll see. I'll be very sad if not!

janninew

I have read this thread with interest as I've recently made the decision to only have the 1 child so its been interesting reading people's opinions.

I am able to have more children but after a very difficult pregnancy and premature birth, followed by 13 weeks in the NICU and a beautiful little girl who has some medical problems I just don't feel able to have any more children. I never wanted a big family, ideally just 2, but I feel very blessed to have my lovely daughter.

I am a little worried about the future and if she will start asking about siblings but I try to see the positives. We will be able to help her in the future, we are already saving money for her for her first house, uni etc. Having more than 1 child would mean less help would be available.

I have 4 siblings, 3 brothers and 1 sister and we weren't close growing up, my and my sister had some whoppers of arguments! We get on much better now, but to be honest I'm closer to my female friends than I am to my siblings.

dibuzz

pulliptears wrote: »

I'm an only child.

My parents had lost a daughter at birth ten years before I was born and they were told they couldn't have anymore, so when I came along not long after Mum's 40th I was a bit of a shock.

I was lonely. Due to losing the baby I suspect my parents were VERY protective. I couldn't go out and play like other kids.

Similar story here except I was 2 and 3 when my brothers died, both due to birth problems.
I was always, and still am, extremely lonely.
My mum went to college to train as a teacher when I started school and still goes on about how she made provision for me with her firend who had twins my age. When I eventually plucked up courage to tell her I didn't want to go to their house any more because one of them was making me do things I didn't want to she was only bothered about how it would affect her and her college course.
I wasn't allowed to go to the same secondary school as my friends as it was a bus ride away and was made to attend the school my mum taught at.
I lived too far from the other girls so got left out but my primary school friends didn't want me around because I wasn't "one of them" any more.
I was determined to have more than one child and had 4 but am still lonely and have no friends at all. I always wanted a brother or sister and I think my life would have been better if I had.

SuzieSue

dibuzz wrote: »

Similar story here except I was 2 and 3 when my brothers died, both due to birth problems.
I was always, and still am, extremely lonely.
My mum went to college to train as a teacher when I started school and still goes on about how she made provision for me with her firend who had twins my age. When I eventually plucked up courage to tell her I didn't want to go to their house any more because one of them was making me do things I didn't want to she was only bothered about how it would affect her and her college course.
I wasn't allowed to go to the same secondary school as my friends as it was a bus ride away and was made to attend the school my mum taught at.
I lived too far from the other girls so got left out but my primary school friends didn't want me around because I wasn't "one of them" any more.
I was determined to have more than one child and had 4 but am still lonely and have no friends at all. I always wanted a brother or sister and I think my life would have been better if I had.

Yes, it probably would have helped had you had siblings, but I think the reason you were, and still are, lonely is because of the way your mother treated you and not because you were an only child.

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

I don't really understand how having a sibling when an adult is going to stop you being lonely. The chances of living in the same area likely to be slight and you'd probably only see them on big family occasions, particularly when your parents are gone.

That's true of some families and some siblings, but many stay close as adults. I know (adult) sets of siblings everywhere along the continuum from utter hatred to best friends.

Its something you really can't generalise about.

marcosantiago54

Will for you to resolve that problem, you and your family must talk about for only your own family can decide . That's all I can say.


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x1x1

As a male single child to a single mum, now aged 33, I can positively say that I wish I had siblings. If I had a father, perhaps I would feel different.

lexuslass

marcosantiago54 wrote: »

Will for you to resolve that problem, you and your family must talk about for only your own family can decide . That's all I can say.


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