worries over having only 1 child....'only childs' views needed!

StaffieTerrier

I'm an only child (parents couldn't have any more). I can honestly say that I never wanted siblings.

There are advantages and disadvantages to being an only one and having siblings.

maryroberts

I'm an only child - my parents were in their 40's when I was born so I think I grew up knowing that they would not be around forever. I had to deal with both funerals entirely by myself as my Dad was not capable of sorting things out when my Mum died. But I'm a very organised person and managed everything myself.

I'm happy with my own company - I don't remember ever wanting a brother or sister. I always spent time with one or 2 close friends so I never felt lonely.

I don't have children - was married to someone who'd had the snip so it was never an issue really, and I don't regret not having children.

aliasojo

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

Person1: The age gap plays heavy on my mind. If I were to get pregnant our son would be at least 8 and while he's starting 'big school' and doing homework and research they'll be a 3 year old toddling around. Totally different stages of childhood, I worry my son would resent the sibling for getting more attention etc.

My youngest was 10 when I fell pregnant again.

I had all the same thoughts as you but the 10 year old seemed happy he was going to have a younger sibling.

When my daughter was born he adored her and he was the one who carried her (in a baby carrier) when we went out.

When he started secondary school, she was in only in a toddlers group. He had less to do with her then as their lives were miles apart. It wasn't an issue, it was just one of those things. He's 23 now and she's 13, she goes to stay with him during the school holidays occasionally. I don't think they are as close as two siblings closer in age would be, but that's ok, they're still family and have each other when the big day comes when OH and I will no longer be around.

I think you can overthink things at times OP. I think maybe the main consideration should be do you want another child?

Welshwoofs

There's no right answer on this because nobody else is in your circumstance. I was perfectly happy being an only child and, in fact, I got an awful telling off at a young age when told that my Mother had just miscarried and I apparently reacted by looking as though I'd just won the lottery.

The only thing I would say is that if you have to go through the fertility circus to have another one, definitely have a think about how your relationship would cope with it. I've known a couple of people whose marriages have been totally destroyed by IVF.

shegirl

I'm the youngest of 14 in total (may be more somewhere though lol).Not close to any due to age gaps,adoption of one sister and the one who's only 18 months older than me being a b*tch.

None of us have contact with each other.Did try helping sister a couple of years ago but never again!!

I'd rather have been an only child,may aswell have been (although I was just an accidental commodity to the 'parents').

Not being close to my brothers or sisters and not playing with them didn't bother me though.

bacardi66

Im one of four - we are not particularly close but get on well, now we are in our late 30s/early 40s having siblings has been a godsend when my father died and my mum has been suffering ill heatlh - I feel sorry for my friends who are only children who I now see coping with elderly, sick and dying parents. Its hard to go through that on your own.

Two of my best friends are only children, when we were kids they always used to pretend their pets were their brothers and sisters and wished they had siblings like I did - meanwhile I envied them as they didn't have to live with all the daily sibling arguments and fighting I did. And as materialistic teenagers I envied them their new clothes whilst I was in second hand and jumble sale stuff!

There is no right or wrong, what I find interesting is that my friends who grew up as only children have all gone on to have at least 2 kids and my friends from large families have had only children or none at all.

**dancingbutterfly**

Thank you everyone for your views


marywooyeah: This is exactly what happened to me. At the age of 11 I was looking after my 3 younger brothers while my parents spent all weekends at the pub....they were both alcoholics, dad hid it better than mum. Mums now sober, marriage broke down when I was 16. I remember never wanting children. I had 3 noisy, rough terrors to look after and I really cherished my 'own' time in my room! So getting pregnant at college when my time was beginning was hard to take at times. Selfish I know...

Supernatural: Thanks for your reply. This is the ideal outcome

aliasojo: Im pretty sure my son would dote on his sibling as your son did. He loves his little cousins and always asks to look after them. If and when the time comes what will happen may be different! I agree about over thinking and to be totally honest Im probably 80% no more children, 20% yes lets try....Im very independant and have never had a holiday abroad with my partner, never went on honeymoon. We want to travel the world someday and I cant help feeling if I have another child Im putting my plans back another 18 years.

fawd1

I have 2 siblings, my older brother with a 16 month age gap and a younger brother with a 10 year age gap. I have to say, as long as you got your eldest fully involved with the baby, I can't see why they wouldn't have a lovely relationship. My younger brother is absolutely adored by me and my other bro, we nickname him the prince. We never fought with him when he was younger (what fight can a 12 year old have with a 2 year old really?) so if anything we have a much less fraught relationship, because we just got to pamper him and play with him, without any of the bad bits of having a sibling!

davenport151

Dancingbutterfly- its never right for us is it?
Those that were only's (mostly) wish they had siblings & vice-versa.
I have an older brother and used to wish I hadn't. However now we are not close. I gained an extended family when I married (my husband has 4 brothers & all but one are married now).
I have one child. A boy of 13. Because of various reasons he will be our only. I feel like you that things were good for me a few years after he was born so didn't want to go back to the pregnancy/baby stage.
I have the time to devote to him. We enjoy days out together that would not be possible financially or physically with another child.
My son also has good contact with cousins (ages ranging from 6 to 24). So I like to think thats his extended family.
In the end though its your choice. I know my Mum in law didn't want him to be an only child. But its not up to anyone else.

Lovelyjoolz

Hi

I had to respond because this subject is particularly poigant at the moment for a friend of mine. They are an only child and, as parents age, its becoming more of a struggle. She is currently trying to juggle her life helping her mum, after a recent hip op, to shower daily and wash her hair, take her dad to do their shopping because he won't drive following a recent bump, cooking meals for them and generally running all the errands small and large that need doing, all while working full time, recently moving house and having enough time for her own family.

It's an awful lot to cope with and a lot of pressure when it all falls to one child. It's not going to get any easier either, as parents get older. Her life would be so much easier if she had a sibling to share the load, so to speak.

I'm one of two (Brother, 4 yrs older) and always wished I had more siblings as a child!