worries over having only 1 child....'only childs' views needed!

Mags_cat

I'm an only child.

My Dad was also an only child, Mum was the eldest of 5.

I loved being the only one when I was growing up. I think it's made me independent, able to talk to anyone and very resilient. I never asked my parents for a sibling, apparently. Although I only have my friends' experiences with their own families to go on, I don't think I'd have wanted one!

It has also made me introspective and sometimes anti-social! I love my own company, and much as I also love having friends over etc. there are plenty of times when I just want my own space.

The responsibilities of caring for aging parents/relatives are being brought home now as a great aunt has just gone into care. That's Mum's oldest relative - the only one left who's older than she is. Even as one of 5, Mum did a huge amount of the work during the transfer from home - care home, so as others have said, having sibilings doesn't always share the burden equally.

I see looking after my parents if/when they come to need it as my job. They did it for me, one day it'll be my turn.

I don't have any children, so I'll need to look after myself :rotfl:

Owain_Moneysaver

I'm an only child and would not have wanted any siblings.

The age difference may be an issue but on the upside -
- as you're dealing with the baby/toddler your son will be getting more independent
- they may be less likely to compete as they will have fewer interests/toys in common.

If your son is not a sociable child then another child living in the house (and one he has to be nice to) may be rather stressful for him. On the other hand, it might be a friend he otherwise woudln't have. Who knows.

I suspect the big issue for your son would be if he has to share a bedroom, or lose a playroom.

heartbreak_star

I LOVE being an only child, always have.

Nobody to argue with, nobody to pick on me, nobody to have to look after, I got spoiled rotten, was cleverer than most kids my age as I devoted time to reading and studying.

Give me that over siblings any day!

Mind you, I'm CFBC so won't ever have to decide how many to have

HBS x

pulliptears

Mags_cat wrote: »

I see looking after my parents if/when they come to need it as my job. They did it for me, one day it'll be my turn.

And thats all well and good, but when you have a family of your own, 2 kids, a husband, a home and a life of your own then its not quite as simple as it being your job.

I can't work full time because if I did I wouldn't have the time to look after my Mother as well. My OH works in Coventry, our lives would be 100 times easier if I could move there and safe him a 130 mile round trip every day but I can't because if I did then who'd look after my Mum?

Every decision I make in my adult life I have to factor in my Mother. Yes, that may sound selfish, but in the past 5 years I have had to pass on so many opportunities because they would affect Mum. My life is on hold caring for her and will be for the foreseeable future. I could spend another 20+ years doing this, by which time I'll be 60 myself and my opportunities will be long gone.

As a parent I'd much rather my kids grabbed life with both hands and went out there and took every opportunity life threw at them. I wouldn't want them tied to a place for years to care for me. Unfortunately my Mum doesn't see things like that.

Person_one

pulliptears wrote: »

And thats all well and good, but when you have a family of your own, 2 kids, a husband, a home and a life of your own then its not quite as simple as it being your job.

I can't work full time because if I did I wouldn't have the time to look after my Mother as well. My OH works in Coventry, our lives would be 100 times easier if I could move there and safe him a 130 mile round trip every day but I can't because if I did then who'd look after my Mum?

Every decision I make in my adult life I have to factor in my Mother. Yes, that may sound selfish, but in the past 5 years I have had to pass on so many opportunities because they would affect Mum. My life is on hold caring for her and will be for the foreseeable future. I could spend another 20+ years doing this, by which time I'll be 60 myself and my opportunities will be long gone.

As a parent I'd much rather my kids grabbed life with both hands and went out there and took every opportunity life threw at them. I wouldn't want them tied to a place for years to care for me. Unfortunately my Mum doesn't see things like that.

This isn't compulsory.

People with no children survive, there are services in place, if she needs a lot of care you don't have to always be the one to do it. You should be able to choose how much you help her without sacrificing your own life for her comfort.

Mags_cat

pulliptears wrote: »

And thats all well and good, but when you have a family of your own, 2 kids, a husband, a home and a life of your own then its not quite as simple as it being your job.

I completely agree with what you're saying, but that was just my opinion, for my circumstances. I appreciate that everybody's different.

I do have a full time job, but no OH or kids. I'm in the thesedays rare position of planning to retire early. I hope that I'll have all the time I need to care for my parents should they require it. If not, then we'll have to find some other way to manage it until I can. That's their plan and mine.

pulliptears

Person_one wrote: »

This isn't compulsory.

People with no children survive, there are services in place, if she needs a lot of care you don't have to always be the one to do it. You should be able to choose how much you help her without sacrificing your own life for her comfort.

A lot of the issues with Mum stem from my only child status I think. As I said earlier they had lost a child already so I was very smothered. Even now if I don't call her daily or see her at least every other day she will sulk. It's a very complicated relationship really, I don't always like her very much and she can be extremely selfish.

She wouldn't accept care from anyone else, yes, there may come a time when she really has no choice but I guess its easier for me at present to just get on with it and keep the peace to some extent.

Believe me I could make a thread of a 100 pages +

Molly41

I hate these only child threads as views are so polarised - nothing personal to the OP and no offence. If you search you find old threads with the same points of view. You ask for views from an only child but other posters constantly argue against them and belittle them.

Im an only child and a very miserable existence it was and still is today. I have posted three times before about how lonely I was and still am and have been shouted down in a very insensitive manner. I second and agree with all Pulliptears has stated.

Only YOU can make the decision that is right for your family.

Person_one

Molly41 wrote: »

I hate these only child threads as views are so polarised - nothing personal to the OP and no offence. If you search you find old threads with the same points of view. You ask for views from an only child but other posters constantly argue against them and belittle them.

I don't think that's what happens, I think its just that some people have different experiences to you.

Surely you don't believe every single only child feels the same way you do about it?

There are lots of people on here saying they'd have hated to have siblings, or that they have siblings and wish they didn't. Well, I love my sibling and we're very close but that doesn't mean the people who feel differently are wrong!

pulliptears

For me as I say I think the fact that there had been a child before complicated it. Had I been an everyday only child I imagine I'd have gone out and played with friends in the street etc and got on with it. As it was because of those circumstances I wasn't allowed. I actually didn't have a bike until I was 12 because my Mother was paranoid I'd fall off and hurt myself. That was her mindset. I was obviously going to die so she needed to wrap me in a bubble.

As I got older I rebelled against it all big time and by the time I was 15 I didn't care what they thought anymore and got on with it.

Maybe if as a kid I'd had friends to confide in and talk to it would have changed who I am today.

It's never black and white, a whole other set of circumstances such as mine can colour things many shades of grey as well. It took me a very long time to realise how selfish I was (and still am to some extent) and even longer to learn to open up and share things with my OH. I don't expect all only children are like that. Some have been raised with cousins and friends and never experienced the loneliness I did. Each case will always be different.