Are you happy with your 'lot' in life?

littlestar1981

Hmmm interesting thread....

I turned 30 last year and a couple of bad things have happened in the past year or so that led to a severely battered self esteem. I started to obsess over all the things I'm bad at, that I haven't got/done - for example, I am not a graduate or professional, or a home owner, or in a relationship or a size 8 - and I have overlooked all the things that I HAVE done. For example, I spent a year volunteering abroad and lots of people are envious of that but to me it's meaningless as I still have a list of 'failures'.

I am constantly striving for better and have obsessions about being more successful, doing more things, being a nicer person and people having positive perceptions of me and my abilities to do things. No matter how much people say I'm doing good things, how much I am assured that I'm a good person who can do things I cannot believe it. I always think something bad is going to happen to me sometime so I can't trust or believe anything positive that is directed towards me.

This cycle of obsessive thoughts dominates my mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It started to get out of the control to the point that I would spend hours writing a single text to make sure it cannot be misconstrued in any way, I would sob uncontrollably if someone asked me to do something because I think they will think I was lazy because I hadn't done it before I was asked. It has become debilitating to the point that the more I try to do the less I can actually do (as doing things becomes difficult for fear of doing something wrong or missing something, or not being able to concentrate because of constant rapid negative thoughts). This leads to feelings of failure -self fulfilling prophecy- and my employer has now stopped me from working following multiple tearful episodes at work, sleep deprivation, and there have even been incidences of self harm and overdoses when things got too much and I am on quite a bit of medication and getting lots of emotional support. All this from worrying about whether I'm happy with my 'lot' [STRIKE]a little[/STRIKE] far too much.

OK so my post is probably a needless ramble but!... the moral of that story...be happy with what you do have, because there are millions of people in the world that would trade places with you.

VestanPance

I wasn't bothered in the slightest by turning 30. Maybe I should have been as my 30's included the worst years of my life.

geoffky

I have everything in life i need and want for nothing, but today 20 years ago some !!!!!!-head drunk driver killed my 18yrs old sister and i would give it all away just to hear and speak to her.. life is full of ups and downs, get used to it...

marisco_2

If you have food in your fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of the world.

If you have money in the bank, your wallet, and some spare change you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness you are more blessed than the million people who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the agony of imprisonment or torture, or the horrible pangs of starvation vou are luckier than 500 million people alive and suffering.

If you can read this message you are more fortunate than 3 billion people in the world who cannot read it at all.

According to the above I should be doing cartwheels about how good my lot is. Such a shame that life isn't that simple or black and white :cool:

marisco_2

VestanPance wrote: »

I wasn't bothered in the slightest by turning 30. Maybe I should have been as my 30's included the worst years of my life.

Snap. Roll on turning 40, I am hoping that decade will be far better.

MiddyMum

Well my happiness is currently a work in progress.

What I truely want, and all I have ever wanted, I will never have, and that is a Mother/Father that cherish and love me.

At 25 years old, it really scares me that I will go the rest of my life not knowing what it's like to have had a nurturing foundation, it has already caused so many problems already in my life.

Mr_Toad

littlestar1981 wrote: »

Hmmm interesting thread....

I turned 30 last year and a couple of bad things have happened in the past year or so that led to a severely battered self esteem. I started to obsess over all the things I'm bad at, that I haven't got/done - for example, I am not a graduate or professional, or a home owner, or in a relationship or a size 8 - and I have overlooked all the things that I HAVE done. For example, I spent a year volunteering abroad and lots of people are envious of that but to me it's meaningless as I still have a list of 'failures'.

I am constantly striving for better and have obsessions about being more successful, doing more things, being a nicer person and people having positive perceptions of me and my abilities to do things. No matter how much people say I'm doing good things, how much I am assured that I'm a good person who can do things I cannot believe it. I always think something bad is going to happen to me sometime so I can't trust or believe anything positive that is directed towards me.

This cycle of obsessive thoughts dominates my mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It started to get out of the control to the point that I would spend hours writing a single text to make sure it cannot be misconstrued in any way, I would sob uncontrollably if someone asked me to do something because I think they will think I was lazy because I hadn't done it before I was asked. It has become debilitating to the point that the more I try to do the less I can actually do (as doing things becomes difficult for fear of doing something wrong or missing something, or not being able to concentrate because of constant rapid negative thoughts). This leads to feelings of failure -self fulfilling prophecy- and my employer has now stopped me from working following multiple tearful episodes at work, sleep deprivation, and there have even been incidences of self harm and overdoses when things got too much and I am on quite a bit of medication and getting lots of emotional support. All this from worrying about whether I'm happy with my 'lot' [STRIKE]a little[/STRIKE] far too much.

OK so my post is probably a needless ramble but!... the moral of that story...be happy with what you do have, because there are millions of people in the world that would trade places with you.

I was very moved by your post. It reads like you're imploding and it seems that you are doing it to yourself, and even worse are aware of what you are doing.

If only you could break the cycle.

I have a friend who isn't really happy. He's clever, well educated and ambitious. He sets himself goals and works hard to achieve them believing that to do so will make him happy. He does achieve his goals, he rarely fails but they never make him happy. It's always the next one that will.

He decided that he needed a Porsche, he needed one more than he needed oxygen. It would make him happy. He worked hard, saved and eventually bought himself a brand new Porsche Boxter.

He was over the moon........... For about 3 months until one day someone parked a Porsche 911 next him and commented that his Boxter was really nice, a lovely entry level Porsche to have until he could get himself a real one. In that one moment a single off hand comment that was meant to be funny destroyed him. From that moment he hated his Porsche, he thought everyone was looking at it and thinking "look, there's someone who can't afford a proper Porsche. How sad and pathetic."

He's a lifelong friend but I'm sure he'll die miserable and unfulfilled, his nature means that nothing he does makes a difference in his mind. If only he could accept that he's a great person, loved by his family and friends and not judged a failure by anyone.

faerie~spangles

On the whole I'm happy with my life.

Yes, there are things I wish I'd done differently however I don't have a time machine.

I'm massively proud of my kids. I am in awe of them tbh and they are my greatest achievement in life.

faerie~spangles

VestanPance wrote: »

I wasn't bothered in the slightest by turning 30. Maybe I should have been as my 30's included the worst years of my life.

My thirtieth birthday was my lightbulb moment.

I'd been married for twelve years and was in danger of becoming a empty shell.

ciderwithrosie_2

When I hear about some people's lives, I realise have a lot to be thankful for. I've got a family, friends, a job, a home and my health - little else needed.