Are you happy with your 'lot' in life?

ciderwithrosie_2

toffeentom wrote: »

I'm still single without a sniff of a relationship in six years (although I have a date tonight for the first time )

Enjoy your evening TnT!

toffee'n'tom

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

Enjoy your evening TnT!

Hey thanks - I am so nervous - I'm 47 but feel 17 :rotfl:

Panda78

toffeentom wrote: »

Apart from the usual rollercoaster of being a parent I'm generally OK given I've made many a mistake. I was stubborn and refused to further my education. With hindsight I feel as if I've failed there. I've ended up with an ok office/admin but it's fairly well paid and fairly interesting at times but not what I could have been capable of. My marriage broke down after 16 years (another failure) - that was a tough time but got over it. I have two fantastic teenagers who I'm so close to (although we have our ups and downs). I work part-time but manage to take a decent holiday with them every year. I have a nice house and a battered old car which I love. I don't have a big mortgage or much debt but hope to be clear of everything when or if I can sell my current home.

What I'm not looking forward to (but will never discourage) is when my children leave home for uni hopefully. It will leave a huge gap.

I'm still single without a sniff of a relationship in six years (although I have a date tonight for the first time ) I mostly had 'couple type' friends who have now drifted away since separation. I have two brothers who both live at opposite ends of the country. I only have my very elderly mother who lives close by.

So currently - yes - but worried about a lonely future.

That's interesting to read as you have a close relationship with your children. I worry about being lonely as i don't have children or many friends. I do have a great partner and am close to my mum and brothers though, so i'm grateful for that and try to keep things in perspective, we can't always "have it all", whatever that is.

From reading posts it seems that some people have the life i would like, yet they are still not fully happy and probably vice versa.

Good luck with your date tonight TnT

toffee'n'tom

Panda78 wrote: »

That's interesting to read as you have a close relationship with your children. I worry about being lonely as i don't have children or many friends. I do have a great partner and am close to my mum and brothers though, so i'm grateful for that and try to keep things in perspective, we can't always "have it all", whatever that is.

From reading posts it seems that some people have the life i would like, yet they are still not fully happy and probably vice versa.

Good luck with your date tonight TnT

Thanks . The grass always looks greener doesn't it. I don't dwell on things but sometimes worry I'll grow old alone and not have another relationship. Having said that I hear of so many people who are in unhappy marriages but carry on. I do sometimes wish my brothers lived nearer and I think that when my mem is no longer with us I probably won't see them at all. I have lots of friends but no close friends. But I also look at each stage of my life as a new adventure. When I got over the failed marriage I dusted myself down and I think became a stronger person. Hopefully I'll do the same when the children leave.. I know that there are lots of friends and decent single men out there that I haven't yet met, it's just finding them or them finding me.

It's actually made me a bit sad reading some of the posts.

alias*alibi

Cat501 wrote: »

No, not happy at all, although things could be a lot worse. At least I have a roof over my head and my kids are still here and, at the moment, all speaking to me. And I have nobody to blame but myself (and depression/social anxiety) for making a constant b*lls up of my entire adult life.

I'm 40 in 6 weeks time and panic-stricken. At 30 I panicked and thought I was running out of time to sort my life out - 10 years later here I am in the same place. Still a failure, still a screw-up. Just hoping the CBT will help, and hoping the new meds I've been prescribed become available again (supply issues!! )

Luckily for you lot I'm too tired right now to write any more

THIS!! This is how I feel. I wrote a huge reply on this thread yesterday but felt like I blurted out too much and promptly deleted it. I'll have another bash later on as I really need advice on finding 'me' and to try and stop letting the past ruin the future..

Mayflower10cat

My life has changed quite considerably over the last 12 years or so - I didn't always believe it was for the best, but now I can see that things have fallen into place even though it might have been uncomfortable getting there. When I look back, I see I had a wide circle of friends (most of them very glamorous and 'fun') but only a very few I was emotionally close to/trusted. Relocating sorted out the 'wheat from the chaff' as the saying has it, and made me reassess those people I now choose as 'friends' as opposed to those who are acquaintances. I trust my instincts far more than I used to and am happier as a result. I've come to realise I like caring for people and really looking after my friends. I used to think that going out dressed up to the nines and b*tching in a very witty oh so deprecating way about everyone outside of our circle was what mattered. Getting the last word in. Sussing out someone's weakness and making a mock of it. Being cruel, basically. But when you strip all that away and are really honest about the things that make you happy, for me it comes down to truth and integrity, in all my dealings. Looking out for others, helping them, trying not to judge but support. Having a right good laugh over the dinner table with friends full of wine, lager and homemade curry and singing along very badly to songs from the 80's and 90's...... Which is why I'm looking forward to tomorrow evening!!!

claire21

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Change-Your-Life-Seven-Days/dp/0593066618/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
£7.69 maybe cheaper on ebay

Whos up for giving it a go and reporting back ?

littlestar1981

Cat501 wrote: »

I'm 40 in 6 weeks time and panic-stricken. At 30 I panicked and thought I was running out of time to sort my life out - 10 years later here I am in the same place. Still a failure, still a screw-up. Just hoping the CBT will help, and hoping the new meds I've been prescribed become available again (supply issues!! )

Luckily for you lot I'm too tired right now to write any more

I'm the 30 year old panicking and thinking I am running out of time to sort my life out. So many times in the past 10 years I've decided I wanted to do something (eg go to university) and thought no 3 years is too long... then 3 years later kicked myself that I didn't do it because it could have been done by now. Time passes by in a flash and, with all due respect, I don't want to be 40 and feeling like I (and you ) do now. You're definitely not a failure, you'll have a train of successes, you just can't see them.

Being currently off work is only putting things on hold for me so I'm also hoping CBT will help. Meds.. I'll have a guess.... Promazine tablets? (One of 3 I take, am about to run out but the syrup tastes like liquid plastic!)

Thanks to OP for this thread, no breathelyser needed. It might seem a bit depressing on the surface but actually a lot of these posts have helped me, gonna print some of them off and when I'm getting stuck in the obsessive thoughts again will read them and hopefully get me back on track.

alias*alibi

Need to do this on a laptop really but here goes:

* mum upped and moved to the USA to marry her sisters ex-husband. I was in a relationship at the time but feeling like I had no-one ruined that relationship. 1st house walked away from with pittance. Grandparents (long term family friends really) died within a few years of that. Felt even more alone
* therefore have abandonment issues; in turn make me needy/angry/feel insecure
* neediness/anger in the past has ruined relationships, lost more houses due to separation which fuelled my insecurity even more. I was always the one to walk away with little money from the split
* met DH. Fell pregnant within 3 months; didn't find out until 10 weeks gone; by this time we had split up due to his insecurities. Got back together; went ahead with pregnancy and all fine. He had a child from a previous relationship so was paying CSA plus a mountain of debt so agreed to rent until financially we were better off
* 5 years ago moved 150 miles so he had a better paid job; still rented
* roll on to 2010 DH was bored; left me for a girl at work. Caused massive amounts of stress and misery; effed about with maintenance and made me quite ill. In the meantime unsupportive mother in the USA not particularly helpful; nearly lost the rented house because LL wanted to sell up (luckily another LL bought it); was given notice that my job was being made redundant at the same time too and in those hellish 18 months she never once came over to see me
* DH said he had made a mistake and wanted us to try again; massive clanger; the OW was pregnant. Cue massive depression. DD was playing up and going off the rails and it looked like she would need CAMHS intervention at one point
* DH close to breakdown; DD going off rails; me close to breakdown. For all our sakes I agreed to try again
*roll on one year: still renting with home ownership now way out of our grasp due to now 2 lots of CSA to pay and debt still there. I despise my job but cannot leave or drop my hours as we can't take the financial hit
* hit 40 in March just gone by; after the terrible 18 months I'd had I was expecting a really big deal to be made of it. Nope. Actually went to work on my 40th in tears because neither my DD or DH wished me a happy birthday before i left for work so it still felt nobody gave a carp. My mum sent me a measly card even though she hadn't picked up the phone to speak to me to over 3 months. I know this sounds pathetic but I was very hurt with everybody's attitude but realise my expectations were too high.

I'm also overweight due to medical reasons; although if I'm honest I'm a lazy sod too; borderline diabetic; look old and feel knackered. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder how I got to this stage in my life where I don't recognise myself anymore; feel invisible and just about existing life; not living it.

I feel down trodden; a failure in all aspects of my life; unlovable; unwanted and pathetic!

I'm seriously hacked off with my dysfunctional family too. Brother I no longer speak too; he's a loose cannon and has fathered 5 children by 5 different women; a mother who married her sisters ex-husband now making my cousins effectively step-sisters who despise mum for what she's done and mum prefers dogs over humans and whenever we spent our hard earned cash to visit there's always an argument and the 6 dogs run riot. It's not a normal family whatsoever. I haven't spoke to mum in 6 months; she hasn't bothered trying either. My niece had a baby in July and emailed my mum about it and sent pictures and she hasn't replied to her. I emailed a pic of my DD on her first day of junior school in her uniform as she loves her (or used too)...no response.

I see friends all getting on with their lives, being successful, happy marriages, big loving families and I'm so envious. I want some of that! But most of all I want security and that is the one thing that seems to evade me both in my home life with renting and work life; always finding jobs that get made redundant.

I try to see the positives in that I have a roof over my head; a job; food in the cupboards; bills are paid; a beautiful DD who's the best now she's back on track and a DH (although I appreciate some will say what a catch after what he's done) so why can't I see the wood for the trees? :-(

Please be kind; it's taking me since starting this thread to post this!!

geoffky

alias*alibi ,,

One day it will all click into place without you realising it until looking back.
I never thought that i would be in the position i am today.
All i did was make a few lucky decisions and that is it.
Your mood effects your decisions so fall back in love with yourself and be confident of who you are and it will all fall into place..
confidence is the key....good luck..