Are you happy with your 'lot' in life?

moneypuddle

In general, I'm happy. I'm 27, OH is 33. We've been together two years but known each other for nearly six years. We are expecting our first baby in a couple of days time. I have the usual worries - mostly about money and how we're going to cope whilst I'm on maternity leave, but we've nearly paid off all our debt (around £1200 still to go!) and got some savings together, so we'll hopefully be ok. I am concerned about returning to work as well - I only finished last week and a lot seems to have changed already (I've checked the news page on my works website and there have been two internal promotions that I feel have been done as soon as I left), and I dont feel very comfortable already about going back. Pfft, but in the grand scheme of things thats irrelevant for now, so yes I'm happy

maintenanceman

glitter_fairy wrote: »

I disagree. you cant control everything but you can control a lot of things.

So you agree that some things are uncontrollable like love . lust, or emotion fate, which train we use and which crossing we choose. Theer is no way you can control life.

ms_london

Mr_Toad wrote: »

I was trying to explain to my friends that I put my happiness down to contentment, I love nice things and own some nice things, I'm content with what I have and do not crave "new things" like some people or worry that others judge me by what I own, drive or wear.

I also wonder why so many people who seem to have more than necessary for a good life appear so unhappy.

:T:T. Completely agree, I think that gratitude and contentment play a big part in feeling happy. Please do not compare yourself to anyone else or let others influence your choices, I know easier said than done (and it has taken me a long time to take this advice myself), but it is YOUR life, what is right for one person isn't right for the next.

Don't get me wrong, I have long term health issues which get me down, and as a consequence have suffered from depression, which is something completely different, but I try and be content and grateful for what I have.

I'm also single (32) but I do not want children so I don't have that pressure of being in a rush to settle down, but I do not let being single or the lack if friends stop me from doing what I want to do, otherwise fast forward to five years time when I might still be single, I don't want to be wondering about all the things I haven't done in my life.

Everyone has problems, I feel a lot of unhappiness is down to social pressure and feeling you should be at a certain stage in your life, think to yourself "who gives a fig, I am who I am".

ms_london

littlestar1981 wrote: »

Hmmm interesting thread....

I turned 30 last year and a couple of bad things have happened in the past year or so that led to a severely battered self esteem. I started to obsess over all the things I'm bad at, that I haven't got/done - for example, I am not a graduate or professional, or a home owner, or in a relationship or a size 8 - and I have overlooked all the things that I HAVE done. For example, I spent a year volunteering abroad and lots of people are envious of that but to me it's meaningless as I still have a list of 'failures'.

I am constantly striving for better and have obsessions about being more successful, doing more things, being a nicer person and people having positive perceptions of me and my abilities to do things. No matter how much people say I'm doing good things, how much I am assured that I'm a good person who can do things I cannot believe it. I always think something bad is going to happen to me sometime so I can't trust or believe anything positive that is directed towards me.

This cycle of obsessive thoughts dominates my mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It started to get out of the control to the point that I would spend hours writing a single text to make sure it cannot be misconstrued in any way, I would sob uncontrollably if someone asked me to do something because I think they will think I was lazy because I hadn't done it before I was asked. It has become debilitating to the point that the more I try to do the less I can actually do (as doing things becomes difficult for fear of doing something wrong or missing something, or not being able to concentrate because of constant rapid negative thoughts). This leads to feelings of failure -self fulfilling prophecy- and my employer has now stopped me from working following multiple tearful episodes at work, sleep deprivation, and there have even been incidences of self harm and overdoses when things got too much and I am on quite a bit of medication and getting lots of emotional support. All this from worrying about whether I'm happy with my 'lot' [STRIKE]a little[/STRIKE] far too much.

OK so my post is probably a needless ramble but!... the moral of that story...be happy with what you do have, because there are millions of people in the world that would trade places with you.

Hi littlestar, I can totally empathise with what you have written, I'll PM you xx

londoner01

littlestar1981 wrote: »

Hmmm interesting thread....

I turned 30 last year and a couple of bad things have happened in the past year or so that led to a severely battered self esteem. I started to obsess over all the things I'm bad at, that I haven't got/done - for example, I am not a graduate or professional, or a home owner, or in a relationship or a size 8 - and I have overlooked all the things that I HAVE done. For example, I spent a year volunteering abroad and lots of people are envious of that but to me it's meaningless as I still have a list of 'failures'.

I am constantly striving for better and have obsessions about being more successful, doing more things, being a nicer person and people having positive perceptions of me and my abilities to do things. No matter how much people say I'm doing good things, how much I am assured that I'm a good person who can do things I cannot believe it. I always think something bad is going to happen to me sometime so I can't trust or believe anything positive that is directed towards me.

This cycle of obsessive thoughts dominates my mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It started to get out of the control to the point that I would spend hours writing a single text to make sure it cannot be misconstrued in any way, I would sob uncontrollably if someone asked me to do something because I think they will think I was lazy because I hadn't done it before I was asked. It has become debilitating to the point that the more I try to do the less I can actually do (as doing things becomes difficult for fear of doing something wrong or missing something, or not being able to concentrate because of constant rapid negative thoughts). This leads to feelings of failure -self fulfilling prophecy- and my employer has now stopped me from working following multiple tearful episodes at work, sleep deprivation, and there have even been incidences of self harm and overdoses when things got too much and I am on quite a bit of medication and getting lots of emotional support. All this from worrying about whether I'm happy with my 'lot' [STRIKE]a little[/STRIKE] far too much.

OK so my post is probably a needless ramble but!... the moral of that story...be happy with what you do have, because there are millions of people in the world that would trade places with you.

littlestar, have you looked into cognitive behavioural therapy to break the negative cycles?

it's founded on the principle that our thoughts affect our behaviours which in turn affect our emotions, in an endless circle that can take a negative spin like you described. the difference is that instead of focussing on changing the thoughts, it focuses on the behaviours. this is normally easier than changing the thoughts. shifting the focus also shifts away from the "am I happy / why am I not happy" question.

I had a period when I was blue for no apparent reason and in my attempt to self-help I was obsessing over WHY I was feeling blue and I kept thinking "You shouldn't be this unhappy, you've got it so much better than most people" which in turn fuelled the guilt, the blame etc. I really couldn't get out of it and it had really started affecting my personal life and I was fearing it would affect work as well so I sought help with the local NHS. the programme was great, made me focus on targets, get back into things, and the improvement in just a few months was unbelievable.

It's a really tough chain to break by yourself but you just have to find the key that works for you, start small, and not be afraid of the setbacks that inevitably will come along the way.

Good luck!

nomadical

Someone once said to me 'hate something, change something' and I try to live by that.

It's difficult to change the big things but tackle the little things first and see the difference.

Life's not easy, but it is short so you need to take every opportunity that comes your way.

So I guess generally yes, I am happy with my lot. Today, anyway. If something come along that I'm not happy with I'll do my best to turn it around.

amyloofoo

getzls wrote: »

Am i happy with my lot?

No.

My wife is bi-polar and when she is down tends to lock me out of my house, once i lived in the shed for nine days.

Most times she is good, but when not she is manic.

All i want to do is get my mortgage paid, another ten years to go and leave.

My life is not fun.

I'm sure you probably have, but have you been in touch with Mind or Bipolar UK? Not only can they support your wife, including with work if she'd like to return; but they're great for supporting families too. My husband found Bipolar UK really helpful when I was manic, just for experts to talk to, and also to suggest practical measures such as my living will which will help if things ever get *that* bad again. You should also be entitled to carer's support services from your local NHS and council services, but this can be trickier to access without the help from Mind/Bipolar UK.

Brallaqueen

No I am not! As verious threads across the boards will indicate.

masonsmum

I am very happy and content in my life but it took me a while to get there...

6 years ago when I was pregnant with my first son my 19 year old brother went out on a night out and never came home, he died in a fire in his friends house and our family unit as we knew it was gone, my parents were destroyed and I felt I couldnt let go to grieve properly as I had to think about my baby and worried so much about my mum and dad. Eventually through time we all got through it though but it made me realise that life is too short and I question mortality a litte too closely and worry a lot, but I realised I didnt love my then husband and decided to leave him and his bullying control freak lifestyle.

Within 6 months I met the love of my life, 3 years down the line I can honestly say I have never been happier, I have my eldest son who is now 6 and my partner treats him as his own and we have a 16 month old baby together, own our home, work hard and have basically a good life, we struggle financially sometimes but when I discuss winning the lottery my partner always reminds me, "we already have" we have 2 healthy boys and each other.

At one stage of my life I didnt know what it was like to be truly happy, but my life is complete now and I wouldnt change a thing!

Grimbal

I feel pretty much emotionally numb most days.

Been married for 3.5 years and feel more like a sister than a wife. Handy then, that I'm infertile & won't be able to give him the child he deserves & wants. We have a lovely home & although money is somewhat tight, financially we're ok. Finally gave up on my narcissistic mother in May and although not speaking to her is hard, speaking to her is even harder. My own health is declining and most days I feel double the age of my 40 years

I think I'm just coasting through life if I was honest with myself.