Finally meet someone I like... and she's moving away! Advice please!

OptimusNemesis

Thanks for the ideas! :-)I've got her a little gift I'll give to her before she leaves - it's a toy (we're both sad enough to still buy toys) but it's related to an ongoing private joke between us.The flowers are an excellent idea - not sure what kind would be best to get though (I know nothing about flowers) but I'm going to have a look at that too. :-)- G

OptimusNemesis

Well, I'm sad to say that it seems to all be over. Things seemed to be going well - she moved to NI at the weekend and I told her that I am supportive and understanding of her situation.

I sent her some flowers which she got yesterday and seemed to really appreciate.

So today, in conversation, I just asked how she felt about things now that she'd moved. At which point she just flew into a rage. It was a real shock - I've never experienced her behaving like that before (and to be honest not really anyone else). She accused me of not giving her space, at which point I pointed out to her that it was only a question and I just wondered how she felt - it wasn't meant to be offensive. She then started having a go at me and - to be honest - I've no idea what she's on about. She sent me messages that make no sense to me other than they clearly say that she wants me to get lost.

It was pretty upsetting but I've decided that I won't continue it any further. She really just suddenly turned. It isn't like I was pressuring or anything, it was just an honest question about how she felt. I haven't been going on about anything - so I don't get it.

Having had thistoday though, it makes me really sad, but I doubt I'll want to speak to her again. She has stopped speaking to me now anyway.

I even ran the whole thing by a friend earlier to see whether I'd come across the wrong way and she just shrugged and said it didn't sound offensive at all.

I appreciate she may have been stressed with things although she'd told me a couple of days ago that her stress levels weren't too bad with it all.

I could understand it if I'd been constantly asking her things or saying "when are we going to meet" "when are we going to meet" over and over but I haven't. I've really tried to be helpful with the whole thing and it was an honest question about how she felt about the move.

Having seen that side of her now, I don't think I want to. I feel pretty drained by it all right now.

I guess it's a lesson learned and I'm glad that I didn't fly out to NI to suddenly have that sprung on me.

It does feel like I wasted 6 weeks though. Back to square one with it all then I guess.

- G

Amanda65

I've been following your thread but not posted up until now.

Tbh she moved at the weekend, is trying to sort out a new home and settle into a new job and, 4 days later, you are asking her how she feels about your 6 week relationship. I can kind of understand why she feels you are putting her under too much pressure

There was no need for her to been nasty I agree but I think you should have given her some space to settle in. The flowers were a nice idea but if you've been calling daily and now asked where the relationship is going I think I too would feel very pressured to come up with an answer.

As you say, you should just leave it now. If it's meant to be it will happen but I think you may have frightened her away

OptimusNemesis

Amanda65 wrote: »

I've been following your thread but not posted up until now.

Tbh she moved at the weekend, is trying to sort out a new home and settle into a new job and, 4 days later, you are asking her how she feels about your 6 week relationship. I can kind of understand why she feels you are putting her under too much pressure

There was no need for her to been nasty I agree but I think you should have given her some space to settle in. The flowers were a nice idea but if you've been calling daily and now asked where the relationship is going I think I too would feel very pressured to come up with an answer.

As you say, you should just leave it now. If it's meant to be it will happen but I think you may have frightened her away

I haven't been calling daily. The last few days I've maybe a had a couple of texts from her per day. I didn't ask where the relationship was going - I only asked how she felt now she'd moved. It was as a simple a question as that.

To be honest, I'm tired of the whole thing. The last couple of weeks before she moved, we'd actually gotten closer - but her reaction today wasn't pretty at all and I'm a bit baffled why, if she really liked me as much as she claimed, one question has made her pretty much want to rip my head off. She could just as easily have said "I don't want to talk about that" or even "shut up about that".

Rightly or wrongly, right now I feel like I've been had. I feel like she wanted someone to hang around with for 6 weeks until she moved and now that she's moved, she just wanted an excuse to get rid of me. Hence the severe over-reaction. Maybe that's wrong, but the communication has been so poor that I can only guess.

She certainly let me pay for everything and took a load of my DVDs and other things without hesitation. There was no confusion over her feelings then. I guess alarm bells should have rang when she asked me "what other things have you got that I could have". I took it as a joke but now I'm not so sure.

And now all of this. I wish I'd listened to my instincts at the time and just told her that she seemed nice but she was moving so "thanks but no".

I'll listen to my gut feeling on these things more in future.

- G